~~i'm on a roll. with ketchup!
Jan. 29th, 2003 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkadid i actually make sense? i mean... it would be really silly if my last post came out seeming like i was against detail and exposition and insight into characters. but well-- there's some basic difference between detail and insight in terms of storytelling and in terms of a literary essay, isn't there? in an essay, you state things and make them clear, and hopefully you do the same in a story, but there's some sort of inherent difference in terms of how you do it, isn't there?
i am always paranoid that i'm not clear, that i will be misunderstood. this isn't because i'm a silly goose. i -am- very often misunderstood, and i hate that. i hate being confused as much as the next person. on the other hand, there's a whole range there, isn't there? that's why we have things like symbols, actions, dialogue, metaphor, contrast, subtext, unresolved sexual tension, suspense. etc etc. bleh. i'm just saying the obvious, but not being obvious about it, which sucks. anyway.
~~
i think there's a part of me that thinks if you believe harry & draco are ultimately doomed, ie, they just can't work out, realistically, then you are not honestly a harry/draco shipper.
the idea that you can believe in something without really truly believing in it is ultimately understandable and alien at the same time. while i doubt and angst over the things that matter most to me, that i want to and do believe in, in the end i do, in fact, believe. just because if i didn't, there'd be no point, would there?
i mean, if it's all about Love Against All Odds, and True Romance and Opposites Sparking & Melding and so on, how can you say-- but then it'll just-- die.
this sort of fatalism is hard for me to accept. and i don't think it's because i'm an optimist. why do i have to be a fatalist, if i'm not an optimist? why is it either plan A, where they eventually settle down in a nice house/apartment, with a cat perhaps, and do all the things settled-down couples do, or plan B, where they burn out and hurt out each other and torture each other to the point where one of them breaks, with a whimper or a bang?
i think you assume some things, even -saying- something will fail. you are already projecting a future, saying, "this is how it's going to be, and this is why it won't work". passion never comes to a good end, does it. passion is unstable, and volatile, and it eats you up and consumes you until there's nothing left. take mozart, for instance. his music was beautiful, passionate, sublime-- and it bled him dry by his mid-thirties.
but i'm still frustrated with this insistence on naming a future and then discarding it. like they have to fit into some sort of mold in the end. they can rebel all they want, and be impossible and revolutionary and everything in the beginning, but then, then-- we all settle down and become our parents, or something, even harry & draco, apparently. in almost every futurefic (i can't remember one that doesn't do this off the top of my head), harry & draco settle down and turn into your usual couple. they stop being harry & draco, and become every sorry excuse for a relationship any of the writers have had experience with.
that's why i don't like futurefic, btw.
i hate the way you can take something so vital, so burning-bright, and turn it into some sort of stale coffee-type fic, where you just get some pat situation recycled to you, and everything feels empty because you're just forcing this dystopia (or utopia) onto a couple very ill-suited for it, and then blaming the couple.
i think this is sort of where my distaste for stories where harry cheats on draco comes from. this, to me, isn't harry. this is some "normalized" person, someone who's "just another guy", who has a weak will and hormones just like anyone else, he's really nothing special where it counts. i can see draco cheating, not because he has a weak will and can't resist, but because he feels he must resist his emotions and act contrary to his real desires. i can see that. but for harry to cheat, he'd have to be weak. and that just goes against what is, to me, a central point of his character. harry is a gryffindor. harry is strong-willed. harry does not cheat unless it's in service of some goal he's pursuing. that is just who harry is.
i'm saying all this and yet it's not like i -refuse- to read stories that characterize him that way. it still bothers me that they do. it bothers me that people believe things they don't really believe. you can't just say yes to something and yet no at the same time due to circumstances they make up in their head. that's just hypocrisy (not that that's surprising). frankly, not being able to imagine something working, no matter -what- it is, is just a lack of imagination.
i am always paranoid that i'm not clear, that i will be misunderstood. this isn't because i'm a silly goose. i -am- very often misunderstood, and i hate that. i hate being confused as much as the next person. on the other hand, there's a whole range there, isn't there? that's why we have things like symbols, actions, dialogue, metaphor, contrast, subtext, unresolved sexual tension, suspense. etc etc. bleh. i'm just saying the obvious, but not being obvious about it, which sucks. anyway.
~~
i think there's a part of me that thinks if you believe harry & draco are ultimately doomed, ie, they just can't work out, realistically, then you are not honestly a harry/draco shipper.
the idea that you can believe in something without really truly believing in it is ultimately understandable and alien at the same time. while i doubt and angst over the things that matter most to me, that i want to and do believe in, in the end i do, in fact, believe. just because if i didn't, there'd be no point, would there?
i mean, if it's all about Love Against All Odds, and True Romance and Opposites Sparking & Melding and so on, how can you say-- but then it'll just-- die.
this sort of fatalism is hard for me to accept. and i don't think it's because i'm an optimist. why do i have to be a fatalist, if i'm not an optimist? why is it either plan A, where they eventually settle down in a nice house/apartment, with a cat perhaps, and do all the things settled-down couples do, or plan B, where they burn out and hurt out each other and torture each other to the point where one of them breaks, with a whimper or a bang?
i think you assume some things, even -saying- something will fail. you are already projecting a future, saying, "this is how it's going to be, and this is why it won't work". passion never comes to a good end, does it. passion is unstable, and volatile, and it eats you up and consumes you until there's nothing left. take mozart, for instance. his music was beautiful, passionate, sublime-- and it bled him dry by his mid-thirties.
but i'm still frustrated with this insistence on naming a future and then discarding it. like they have to fit into some sort of mold in the end. they can rebel all they want, and be impossible and revolutionary and everything in the beginning, but then, then-- we all settle down and become our parents, or something, even harry & draco, apparently. in almost every futurefic (i can't remember one that doesn't do this off the top of my head), harry & draco settle down and turn into your usual couple. they stop being harry & draco, and become every sorry excuse for a relationship any of the writers have had experience with.
that's why i don't like futurefic, btw.
i hate the way you can take something so vital, so burning-bright, and turn it into some sort of stale coffee-type fic, where you just get some pat situation recycled to you, and everything feels empty because you're just forcing this dystopia (or utopia) onto a couple very ill-suited for it, and then blaming the couple.
i think this is sort of where my distaste for stories where harry cheats on draco comes from. this, to me, isn't harry. this is some "normalized" person, someone who's "just another guy", who has a weak will and hormones just like anyone else, he's really nothing special where it counts. i can see draco cheating, not because he has a weak will and can't resist, but because he feels he must resist his emotions and act contrary to his real desires. i can see that. but for harry to cheat, he'd have to be weak. and that just goes against what is, to me, a central point of his character. harry is a gryffindor. harry is strong-willed. harry does not cheat unless it's in service of some goal he's pursuing. that is just who harry is.
i'm saying all this and yet it's not like i -refuse- to read stories that characterize him that way. it still bothers me that they do. it bothers me that people believe things they don't really believe. you can't just say yes to something and yet no at the same time due to circumstances they make up in their head. that's just hypocrisy (not that that's surprising). frankly, not being able to imagine something working, no matter -what- it is, is just a lack of imagination.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 02:33 am (UTC)in my head, faith/trust would/does come easily to him, once he decides to give it, and he -probably- wouldn't love without trust.
but in particular, my inspiration was a harry in a committed love relationship, where he felt sure he loved draco and equally sure draco loved him.
when you throw someone off-balance, of course it's possible to have weird things happen... i suppose `perfect imperfection' is like that (though i have so many issues with that fic i could write an essay longer than the fic, heh)
i guess... to me it's a question of circumstances twisting harry's nature vs what harry's nature would normally be like.
y'know, trusting once given, loyal, devoted to his friends, protective, possibly possessive.
thrown off-kilter, it makes sense for anyone to break-- be "made weak" in other words, by doubt and angst and so on.
i was saying, if you just take harry, acting normally, not pushed by extreme circumstances, and have it be an instrinsic part of his nature to be cheating. it seems-- wrong, then.
but mostly i just hate the idea~:) hee ^^
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 07:08 am (UTC)Ah, but there's your problem - you're assuming that once the H/D relationship had been entered upon, it would be Full, Resolved Love. Which is unlikely to be the case. There's always unresolved issues in any relationship, and who's to say that the two of them would be so certain they were meant for one another? Who's to say they're even certain they're in love? A relationship does NOT necessarily equal a joyous, committed marriage-type thing.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 02:30 pm (UTC)mostly, i was thinking of the specific context of the stories i've seen it happen in.
ie, olympia's fics, `perfect imperfection', & `clear' (which is a nice fic, other than the plot device it uses).
in all these fics... well, `perfect imperfection' just sucks really badly, so i won't go into it, but...
it wasn't because they were uncertain of their love that it happened. i mean, yes, that's why in PI but, um... that had lots of other problems (ie, the -reason- harry was like he was, was... um... draco wasn't cuddly enough, which just makes me want to gag).
it's not that i think harry & draco in an established relationship would be joyous and resolved....
it's that, i think harry wouldn't -cheat-, you see.
if harry would have a problem with draco, i think he'd confront draco. i think he'd -dump- draco. i think he'd do -something-. he wouldn't go behind his back and have some sort of meaningless sex with someone. that's just not harry, to me.
and, especially -if- (as in the fics i've read) harry -is- certain he's in love, i don't think it'd matter if he was certain of draco, as far as cheating on draco goes. i mean, sure there are uncertainties and unresolved issues, but there's basic trust that people with morals and ideals like harry would give. a certain automatic devotion that isn't part of the -relationship-, but rather part of his -character-.
he may not be certain of draco or of their relationship, but he wouldn't betray him.
that's what i meant. harry wouldn't betray anyone, and this is maybe not even an issue of trust. but i didn't mean trust as in, "he blindly believes & is 100% committed", but rather... he's not a casual sort of guy. if he's with draco, it's going to be important to him. in my head, harry would very quickly grow wrapped up in harry & vice versa. they're not "married" but whether they admit/realize it or not, they're -madly in love-.
and a madly-in-love harry would -not- throw it away lightly, in the heat of the moment. he's not that weak. that's what i mean. and this doesn't need to be fully resolved love, just fully resolved harry~:)
trust doesn't mean you're certain of the future, but more, there's an understanding in the relationship. you don't want to hurt the other person and you don't think they'll hurt you. maybe you get angry, and you fight, but if he really still thought draco would betray him, he would be -very- unhappy and the relationship would be very short-lived. and even -so-, harry wouldn't betray him.
he might -break up-, and leave him, and fight him, and even hate him. but betray him? i just don't believe he could ^^