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reenkareading aja's entry on one's relationship with one's own writing (in particular, long, chaptered fics that require a commitment) and today, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
holographis' h/d fic, i started to question some basic assumptions.
this was a fic i really enjoyed. and yet how does it fit in with my larger quest for an in-character h/d fic i can stand behind?
and in fact, what is -up- with that quest? why indeed, do i want to see it happen? as aja had said, you should ask yourself that, about your story. why are you writing this. what is driving you, what is your inspiration. what are you doing.
in a way, it's just the principle of the thing, which makes it pure stubborness. achieving that perfect-as-i-see-it fic would be like some sort of ultimate prize. and yet i don't know why i care. it's like, worrying who has the biggest penis. who cares, really, as long as it does the job, right.
i really enjoy lots of fics that don't fit any criteria but that of good writing. that is what my criteria actually is-- because well-written characters are loveable characters, whether or not they resemble their source material. the great majority of my most favorite fanfic authors don't write what i would call in-character fics, in any fandom i've seen. any that do, have done so in ficlets, and i do so want to see if they can do it in longer form, but that is most probably not to be (yes, i'm looking at you, silvia, zahra, heheheh).
so i don't really know -why- i'm obsessed with something i never receive, really, and which i don't really miss -while- reading if a fic is well-written. i mean, there are blatant "sinners" out there, but all of them-- all of them don't write well in other dimensions as well. there's the fact that i fell in love with these characters -through- fanfic, and in fact through fanfic that isn't "perfect" and is probably out-of-character. so i can't even talk, theoretically. origins, ip, tower with a view, the marks we bear, dragonweed, amalin's fics, olympia's fics and on and on-- none are in-character. i adored them all, at the time.
so, what's the point?
most of the in-character bratty!loser!draco fics i want to see are comedies. possibly because the source material is satiric as well? hmm, i'm not sure. the fics of silvia's that i consider blindingly in-character are comedic. so is `underwater light', though that, like all the good fics, basically creates its own draco, based loosely on canon, just in a good way.
i think it's, like i said, a matter of principle, not good fic. it -should- be possible, shouldn't it? i think it bothers me that no one manages to really -do- it. how hard can it be? i think this is just nitpicky and silly of me. i mean, a reasonable amount of good writing and i enjoy it. what else is there?
i've liked all sorts of (sometimes opposing) characterizations of supposedly "the same" characters. it's just... ridiculous to pretend i'll feel something new and special and indescribeably better if i read "that fic". that fic with "that draco". i can't guarrantee it'll make me feel... what? what would that fic do for me? will i love it above all others? will it somehow be deeply more satisfying? will i feel my work is done in this fandom and we could all retire? what?
i don't know if i even -like- in-character!draco. ok, i know i probably don't. who's to say a fic with him in all his un-glory would even be palatable or good storytelling?
obviously, i'm just obsessed.
it's not really about the romance aspect. or maybe it is. somehow, some twitchy part of me always reminds me that if they're not in character, they didn't really "get together", so it's like it didn't really "happen", which is just patently ridiculous, considering. i think it's like, "well, this is all well and good, but it didn't really -happen-, now did it." that's where the "ultimate version of events" rears its ugly over-meta head. it says, "in the never-neverland of Platonic Ideals, there live an Ideal Yet In-Character draco malfoy and an Ideal Yet In-Character harry potter. they are nothing alike, and yet they need to be together, to complete an eternal circuit of yin & yang, and to understand all the things they're not, so that they can become wiser and also have great sex. Ideally, they will follow The Plan and yet still have surprises up their sleeve." and so on.
following the platonic analogy, this version of harry & draco is unattainable, and all we can see of them are shadows on the wall. moments when really good fics show us glimpses of this ideal, which none of them ever quite reach. mostly because both the writers and the characters are only human. which is a good thing.
of course, no one needs to tell me this is just fic, and -of course- it didn't happen. i don't even -like- canon all that much, so who cares if it matches some one-dimensional barely-there bully character meant as an out-of-the-box antagonist to the hero. i mean, really now. if it -did-, it would be... well... shallow, probably. and i never get much satisfaction out of shallow stories. and canon!draco is shallow.
i think the truth is, there's a draco in my head. i don't know if he's canon or in-character and frankly, i don't much care. what i -really- want is to see -that- draco paired with in-my-head!harry. and so do we all, as h/d shippers, with our own in-our-head versions.
this is difficult, because obviously no one can really do anything that fits what's in -my- head, since my head's version of things is a hodgepodge of different formative stories. i suppose i can write it myself (duh), but well-- it's hard, dammit. ahahah. but yes. when i try, i don't really -do- in-character either, since i'm always making them too thoughtful and too ridiculously passionate or whatever. it'd be easy enough to describe the how of this passion, but the why is always stupid. how isn't why, though i do enjoy fics that make it so. hell, i enjoy pure PWP, so what do i know? obviously not much.
~~
also, funny how i can't be very in-depth or eloquent about say, smallville or buffy. 'course, that's the problem with watching things sporadically vs reading everything you can get your hands on. (and yes, feeling humbled bythamiris' and eleveninches' and hackthis' reviews.) that was really why i never wrote fanfic (though there were attempts) for anything before hp. i -loved- those worlds, but i didn't -understand- them on some intuitive, gut level. and if you don't understand something (a pairing, a world) on that gut level, if it's not in your head, rather than just passing through it, i at least, can't really write it. which is why you won't see lotr rps from me in a million, zillion, quatrillion years -.-
EDIT -auntbeast drew ivy's dirty!draco and oh. my. gahd. this is It! this! draco! is! it is! gods! wah! exclamation point! i am dying over here. i see The Draco of my dreams! gah.
holographis' h/d fic, i started to question some basic assumptions. this was a fic i really enjoyed. and yet how does it fit in with my larger quest for an in-character h/d fic i can stand behind?
and in fact, what is -up- with that quest? why indeed, do i want to see it happen? as aja had said, you should ask yourself that, about your story. why are you writing this. what is driving you, what is your inspiration. what are you doing.
in a way, it's just the principle of the thing, which makes it pure stubborness. achieving that perfect-as-i-see-it fic would be like some sort of ultimate prize. and yet i don't know why i care. it's like, worrying who has the biggest penis. who cares, really, as long as it does the job, right.
i really enjoy lots of fics that don't fit any criteria but that of good writing. that is what my criteria actually is-- because well-written characters are loveable characters, whether or not they resemble their source material. the great majority of my most favorite fanfic authors don't write what i would call in-character fics, in any fandom i've seen. any that do, have done so in ficlets, and i do so want to see if they can do it in longer form, but that is most probably not to be (yes, i'm looking at you, silvia, zahra, heheheh).
so i don't really know -why- i'm obsessed with something i never receive, really, and which i don't really miss -while- reading if a fic is well-written. i mean, there are blatant "sinners" out there, but all of them-- all of them don't write well in other dimensions as well. there's the fact that i fell in love with these characters -through- fanfic, and in fact through fanfic that isn't "perfect" and is probably out-of-character. so i can't even talk, theoretically. origins, ip, tower with a view, the marks we bear, dragonweed, amalin's fics, olympia's fics and on and on-- none are in-character. i adored them all, at the time.
so, what's the point?
most of the in-character bratty!loser!draco fics i want to see are comedies. possibly because the source material is satiric as well? hmm, i'm not sure. the fics of silvia's that i consider blindingly in-character are comedic. so is `underwater light', though that, like all the good fics, basically creates its own draco, based loosely on canon, just in a good way.
i think it's, like i said, a matter of principle, not good fic. it -should- be possible, shouldn't it? i think it bothers me that no one manages to really -do- it. how hard can it be? i think this is just nitpicky and silly of me. i mean, a reasonable amount of good writing and i enjoy it. what else is there?
i've liked all sorts of (sometimes opposing) characterizations of supposedly "the same" characters. it's just... ridiculous to pretend i'll feel something new and special and indescribeably better if i read "that fic". that fic with "that draco". i can't guarrantee it'll make me feel... what? what would that fic do for me? will i love it above all others? will it somehow be deeply more satisfying? will i feel my work is done in this fandom and we could all retire? what?
i don't know if i even -like- in-character!draco. ok, i know i probably don't. who's to say a fic with him in all his un-glory would even be palatable or good storytelling?
obviously, i'm just obsessed.
it's not really about the romance aspect. or maybe it is. somehow, some twitchy part of me always reminds me that if they're not in character, they didn't really "get together", so it's like it didn't really "happen", which is just patently ridiculous, considering. i think it's like, "well, this is all well and good, but it didn't really -happen-, now did it." that's where the "ultimate version of events" rears its ugly over-meta head. it says, "in the never-neverland of Platonic Ideals, there live an Ideal Yet In-Character draco malfoy and an Ideal Yet In-Character harry potter. they are nothing alike, and yet they need to be together, to complete an eternal circuit of yin & yang, and to understand all the things they're not, so that they can become wiser and also have great sex. Ideally, they will follow The Plan and yet still have surprises up their sleeve." and so on.
following the platonic analogy, this version of harry & draco is unattainable, and all we can see of them are shadows on the wall. moments when really good fics show us glimpses of this ideal, which none of them ever quite reach. mostly because both the writers and the characters are only human. which is a good thing.
of course, no one needs to tell me this is just fic, and -of course- it didn't happen. i don't even -like- canon all that much, so who cares if it matches some one-dimensional barely-there bully character meant as an out-of-the-box antagonist to the hero. i mean, really now. if it -did-, it would be... well... shallow, probably. and i never get much satisfaction out of shallow stories. and canon!draco is shallow.
i think the truth is, there's a draco in my head. i don't know if he's canon or in-character and frankly, i don't much care. what i -really- want is to see -that- draco paired with in-my-head!harry. and so do we all, as h/d shippers, with our own in-our-head versions.
this is difficult, because obviously no one can really do anything that fits what's in -my- head, since my head's version of things is a hodgepodge of different formative stories. i suppose i can write it myself (duh), but well-- it's hard, dammit. ahahah. but yes. when i try, i don't really -do- in-character either, since i'm always making them too thoughtful and too ridiculously passionate or whatever. it'd be easy enough to describe the how of this passion, but the why is always stupid. how isn't why, though i do enjoy fics that make it so. hell, i enjoy pure PWP, so what do i know? obviously not much.
~~
also, funny how i can't be very in-depth or eloquent about say, smallville or buffy. 'course, that's the problem with watching things sporadically vs reading everything you can get your hands on. (and yes, feeling humbled by
thamiris' and eleveninches' and hackthis' reviews.) that was really why i never wrote fanfic (though there were attempts) for anything before hp. i -loved- those worlds, but i didn't -understand- them on some intuitive, gut level. and if you don't understand something (a pairing, a world) on that gut level, if it's not in your head, rather than just passing through it, i at least, can't really write it. which is why you won't see lotr rps from me in a million, zillion, quatrillion years -.-EDIT -
auntbeast drew ivy's dirty!draco and oh. my. gahd. this is It! this! draco! is! it is! gods! wah! exclamation point! i am dying over here. i see The Draco of my dreams! gah.
