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reenka3am magazine doesn't impress me. i mean, i realize, they think they're big-shots and i'm supposed to be dying to be good enough to be published there, but i'm not. i'm not dying, and i don't even care if i'm good enough. this sort of attitude ensures i never get published, my mother would tell me. don't think of whether you're ready, just think-- go. don't even think.
i don't want to be some stuffy hip cool dude writer with something to say. i mean fandom-- feels like family. feels fun. obsessively, maybe unhealthily, but not bad for my self-esteem, mostly. i want to be a writer, but i don't want to be one of "those people". those people who write about things i never want to read about. why do they write? nothing seemed remotely interesting. realistic "mainstream" writing is so boring i could cry. cry.
this isn't like that. i'm not entirely lost in the fringes of fanfic to the point where "normal" stories seem gross and overly pretentious. there's just something about writing about random things about people i don't know or care about that doesn't appeal to me. it has to have some sort of innate -magic-, some sort of thematic elegance, some sort of beauty of language or depth of scope and vision.
if it's just about someone's problems at a party one night, or someone's unhappy marriage, or someone else's addiction to cheese-- i just don't want to see it. i really wonder how such dead boring people are even writers. i mean, i think i take too much pride in the very -idea- of being an artist. it's not so much that we're the elite-- it's just that the street-sweepers and the paper-pushers and the gossip-mongers and the meat-cleavers and the divorce lawyers... it's just that they're mostly the living dead.
but of course, no generalization is good for anything much, and writers are just as stupid as the next person. and just as boring. and so on. *sigh*
i think -that- is my problem with `real person slash'. real people are dead boring. actors are dead boring. most of them, anyway. even really bi actors are... well... not uncommon. (*gasp*! *shock*! oh god, is it true??! yes, it's true! actors aren't actually all straight! the... shock. it's overwhelming.)
actors have a reputation, even, for being more openly emotional and sexually active than your average person, don't they. sort of like writers have a reputation for being more intelligent and interesting. or maybe that's just me.
in the end, i could get over my squick with anything, it's just that i find so many things less than fascinating. i mean, actors and their lives-- they're fascinating. -if- they're a special sort of actor. like say, i'm kind of interested in what goes on in johnny depp's head. tom cruise-- not so much. do i want to read about their affairs and secret passions in a fictionalized context? well. no. i mean, gossip is one thing, and actually creating the scenario and getting lost in it and having it be all vivid and in your head....
it's kind of really meta, isn't it? in one's mind, it's the actor and yet it isn't-- it's the object of one's fantasy. and yet, if it was -real-, if indeed it was public knowledge that this person -was- doing this, it would be off-limits, i imagine. i -have- read `nsync rps and some lotr slash, even dan/tom slash once or twice, and while it didn't capture my imagination, it could be done well, just like everything else, of course. it's just-- i can't really pretend it has all the depth i'd want from a potential story. these are just actors. just how interesting are they? what's their deep archetypal significance? what's their personal Quest? what's the anguish, their need, their failure?
perhaps it's that these mainstream things seem to think on such a miniscule scale, just like mainstream society itself, that turns me off them. ah yes. back to the largesse of my silly fantasy slash fics. like franzi's `SPEW 2: Revenge of Spew'. *happy sigh*
~~
i must remind myself that just because it's a photo doesn't mean much more than if it was a sketch. yes. because they aren't real. but, who cares! this knocks me flat. wah. they've perfected the `i'm going to kick his ass and then some' look considerably since this photo, at which point they were merely playing. oh yes. *is dead*
i don't want to be some stuffy hip cool dude writer with something to say. i mean fandom-- feels like family. feels fun. obsessively, maybe unhealthily, but not bad for my self-esteem, mostly. i want to be a writer, but i don't want to be one of "those people". those people who write about things i never want to read about. why do they write? nothing seemed remotely interesting. realistic "mainstream" writing is so boring i could cry. cry.
this isn't like that. i'm not entirely lost in the fringes of fanfic to the point where "normal" stories seem gross and overly pretentious. there's just something about writing about random things about people i don't know or care about that doesn't appeal to me. it has to have some sort of innate -magic-, some sort of thematic elegance, some sort of beauty of language or depth of scope and vision.
if it's just about someone's problems at a party one night, or someone's unhappy marriage, or someone else's addiction to cheese-- i just don't want to see it. i really wonder how such dead boring people are even writers. i mean, i think i take too much pride in the very -idea- of being an artist. it's not so much that we're the elite-- it's just that the street-sweepers and the paper-pushers and the gossip-mongers and the meat-cleavers and the divorce lawyers... it's just that they're mostly the living dead.
but of course, no generalization is good for anything much, and writers are just as stupid as the next person. and just as boring. and so on. *sigh*
i think -that- is my problem with `real person slash'. real people are dead boring. actors are dead boring. most of them, anyway. even really bi actors are... well... not uncommon. (*gasp*! *shock*! oh god, is it true??! yes, it's true! actors aren't actually all straight! the... shock. it's overwhelming.)
actors have a reputation, even, for being more openly emotional and sexually active than your average person, don't they. sort of like writers have a reputation for being more intelligent and interesting. or maybe that's just me.
in the end, i could get over my squick with anything, it's just that i find so many things less than fascinating. i mean, actors and their lives-- they're fascinating. -if- they're a special sort of actor. like say, i'm kind of interested in what goes on in johnny depp's head. tom cruise-- not so much. do i want to read about their affairs and secret passions in a fictionalized context? well. no. i mean, gossip is one thing, and actually creating the scenario and getting lost in it and having it be all vivid and in your head....
it's kind of really meta, isn't it? in one's mind, it's the actor and yet it isn't-- it's the object of one's fantasy. and yet, if it was -real-, if indeed it was public knowledge that this person -was- doing this, it would be off-limits, i imagine. i -have- read `nsync rps and some lotr slash, even dan/tom slash once or twice, and while it didn't capture my imagination, it could be done well, just like everything else, of course. it's just-- i can't really pretend it has all the depth i'd want from a potential story. these are just actors. just how interesting are they? what's their deep archetypal significance? what's their personal Quest? what's the anguish, their need, their failure?
perhaps it's that these mainstream things seem to think on such a miniscule scale, just like mainstream society itself, that turns me off them. ah yes. back to the largesse of my silly fantasy slash fics. like franzi's `SPEW 2: Revenge of Spew'. *happy sigh*
~~
i must remind myself that just because it's a photo doesn't mean much more than if it was a sketch. yes. because they aren't real. but, who cares! this knocks me flat. wah. they've perfected the `i'm going to kick his ass and then some' look considerably since this photo, at which point they were merely playing. oh yes. *is dead*
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-11 04:16 pm (UTC)i don't think all people are -equally- interesting, and i also will admit to not knowing anything horribly interesting about any of the actors/musicians i've heard of being slashed, except viggo, and well-- er. he's not my type ><
but yes, i suppose if i found an actor particularly fascinating, and then -another- one to pair him with, and then there'd be some story for them to have... er...
that one sentence makes it sound like i think only underage wizards are deeply significant, which isn't true. it's just that whole... ok, they aren't -great- actors or great musicians. they're vaguely cute. woo?
but er, wasn't really going for a holier-than-thou thing. was in fact saying writers are boring too >< ahahah
and interesting at the same time. though in general, i still hold that some situations/people hold inherently more drama and potential and intensity. but of course, all such things are subjective~:)
~reena
no subject
Date: 2003-01-11 04:41 pm (UTC)Quite true.
I think the thing I was getting from your post and some of the comments to it is that fictional people are more interesting than real ones. I believe someone might have said real people are boring and I just found that an astounding idea. The professional writing I've done has all been memoir however, so maybe that's just me.
I did spend the majority of my youth with my face in a book, rarely taking it out to actually interact with others. I find over the years, I read much less than I used to, mostly because I'm too busy prying into the business of folks I both know and don't know. Heh.