~~the games that boys play....
Dec. 3rd, 2002 05:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkai really don't squick easily-- that is to say, a number of things squick me, and disturb me, but i don't really-- get -tortured- by a fic, that much. if i do, that just means i dislike it. like, `weather of the heart'. that was somewhat torturous-- and i only began to somewhat like it because i was noticing things i didn't before, on second reading. like it wasn't -really- that bad, there was actual hints of emotion and stuff the whole time.
but this-- this. well. ok, so![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ivyblossom linked `seeker to seeker', and i figured hmmm, an ivy rec. this should be-- interesting. and um. it was.
and this is a case of-- yes, it's really that bad. that is to say, this fic is about torture. torture for fun, and not really pleasure. sort of the way you crush slugs and throw them at your little sister. sort of the way you slice open squirrels and put them in your pal's mailbox. er. yes, this is harry & draco, and they're acting like really mean eighth-graders, who got tired of squirrels and slugs, and now sex is the most icky, disgusting thing they can think of to inflict on one another, as punishment. well, not even -punishment-, because i don't mean for this to sound like it's kink, or sado-masochism, because no one's getting off here. this is just a "game". heh.
none of this would matter except apparently, i too have some sort of sick fascination (or possibly, addiction) to it, now. i mean, this goes against everything one supposedly writes harry & draco together for. i mean-- who'd want -this-?
there's no emotion (not -really-, but if you really -look- for it... i don't know). there's only a mutual drive to squick and humiliate, except, well-- they don't really -hate- each other that much, here. it's not really -revenge- or some sort of sexual aggression. in fact, they seem kind of awkwardly concerned about each other's well-being-- kind of. well, more harry, really. except not.
it really boggled my mind so that's why i'm sharing it. yes. have to spread the evil meme.
when i described this to my straight-boy friend he's like, `so, are you tired of gentleness now?' *laughs* i guess that's what it sounds like. i mean, i didn't -enjoy- the stupid bad sex or anything, but i just-- wanted those small flickers of not-so-badness. like some sort of abused reader, i come back for a mere lessening of pain. this is sort of perverted, probably not as bad as harry & draco are being-- but still. a part of me was afraid that maybe "real boys" are like that-- i mean, we (or i) write them as being `sensitive' and `emotional', but really, what clues are there that either of them are these artistic, sensitive souls, anyway?
well, gentle loving kindness isn't why you read about two arch-rivals falling in lurve (and yes, i'm bored by gentle!draco), but on the other hand, this is just a whole new ballgame, anyway. i've seen them be mean, and rough, and emotionally manipulative-- but this sort of empty one-upmanship is new to me. it's probably the most disturbing h/d fic i've ever found. and yet i don't hate it. i even-- like it.
above straight boy also informed me that straight boys would be equally humiliated by having to do the penetrating (with another boy), as being penetrated. i find this idea fascinating-- that this sort of hypothetical universe this story has, wouldn't work because both of them would be too squicked to touch each other, were they really only doing it to disturb and degrade the other. i mean-- i realize that some `normal' boys do casually do `gay' seeming things together (like circle-jerks and mutual masturbation-- although that's already iffy) without ever going on to have same-sex partners, but this is different, isn't it? this isn't supposed to be -sexual- (so far, it had only one lapse into what is recognizably `sexuality', and that was ambiguous on draco's part-- he wanted comfort sex, whereas harry actually enjoyed it-- wow!). it's also different from some sort of army-boy type abuse.
anyway. seeing as humiliation was probably my biggest nightmare, growing up, i can see where this is coming from and that's probably why it really disturbs me. i'm afraid that harry & draco really would be the most `realistic' were they like this. which is why the whole, `but it's unrealistic because fucking a boy is squicky no matter what' idea actually warmed me. the less realistic the better.
er. um okay i'll stop talking about it now... ><
~~
in other news, this is nearly funny enough to take my mind off things like the above, heh. because harry's with justin, and mean ol' draco can't get to him :D he has lance ^^
and you see, i haven't said anything about the latest chapter of DV, because, um. i haven't read it yet. except apparently there is victory. meaning, ron finally sleeps with ginny, i'm guessing~:)
but this-- this. well. ok, so
ivyblossom linked `seeker to seeker', and i figured hmmm, an ivy rec. this should be-- interesting. and um. it was.and this is a case of-- yes, it's really that bad. that is to say, this fic is about torture. torture for fun, and not really pleasure. sort of the way you crush slugs and throw them at your little sister. sort of the way you slice open squirrels and put them in your pal's mailbox. er. yes, this is harry & draco, and they're acting like really mean eighth-graders, who got tired of squirrels and slugs, and now sex is the most icky, disgusting thing they can think of to inflict on one another, as punishment. well, not even -punishment-, because i don't mean for this to sound like it's kink, or sado-masochism, because no one's getting off here. this is just a "game". heh.
none of this would matter except apparently, i too have some sort of sick fascination (or possibly, addiction) to it, now. i mean, this goes against everything one supposedly writes harry & draco together for. i mean-- who'd want -this-?
there's no emotion (not -really-, but if you really -look- for it... i don't know). there's only a mutual drive to squick and humiliate, except, well-- they don't really -hate- each other that much, here. it's not really -revenge- or some sort of sexual aggression. in fact, they seem kind of awkwardly concerned about each other's well-being-- kind of. well, more harry, really. except not.
it really boggled my mind so that's why i'm sharing it. yes. have to spread the evil meme.
when i described this to my straight-boy friend he's like, `so, are you tired of gentleness now?' *laughs* i guess that's what it sounds like. i mean, i didn't -enjoy- the stupid bad sex or anything, but i just-- wanted those small flickers of not-so-badness. like some sort of abused reader, i come back for a mere lessening of pain. this is sort of perverted, probably not as bad as harry & draco are being-- but still. a part of me was afraid that maybe "real boys" are like that-- i mean, we (or i) write them as being `sensitive' and `emotional', but really, what clues are there that either of them are these artistic, sensitive souls, anyway?
well, gentle loving kindness isn't why you read about two arch-rivals falling in lurve (and yes, i'm bored by gentle!draco), but on the other hand, this is just a whole new ballgame, anyway. i've seen them be mean, and rough, and emotionally manipulative-- but this sort of empty one-upmanship is new to me. it's probably the most disturbing h/d fic i've ever found. and yet i don't hate it. i even-- like it.
above straight boy also informed me that straight boys would be equally humiliated by having to do the penetrating (with another boy), as being penetrated. i find this idea fascinating-- that this sort of hypothetical universe this story has, wouldn't work because both of them would be too squicked to touch each other, were they really only doing it to disturb and degrade the other. i mean-- i realize that some `normal' boys do casually do `gay' seeming things together (like circle-jerks and mutual masturbation-- although that's already iffy) without ever going on to have same-sex partners, but this is different, isn't it? this isn't supposed to be -sexual- (so far, it had only one lapse into what is recognizably `sexuality', and that was ambiguous on draco's part-- he wanted comfort sex, whereas harry actually enjoyed it-- wow!). it's also different from some sort of army-boy type abuse.
anyway. seeing as humiliation was probably my biggest nightmare, growing up, i can see where this is coming from and that's probably why it really disturbs me. i'm afraid that harry & draco really would be the most `realistic' were they like this. which is why the whole, `but it's unrealistic because fucking a boy is squicky no matter what' idea actually warmed me. the less realistic the better.
er. um okay i'll stop talking about it now... ><
~~
in other news, this is nearly funny enough to take my mind off things like the above, heh. because harry's with justin, and mean ol' draco can't get to him :D he has lance ^^
and you see, i haven't said anything about the latest chapter of DV, because, um. i haven't read it yet. except apparently there is victory. meaning, ron finally sleeps with ginny, i'm guessing~:)
