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reenkayo. so like, i'm talking to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
unstasis, who's a wacky [straight] loon!boy extraordinaire, as who's become disturbingly adept at pushing my slashy buttons, and he likes to cackle evilly at my cries of horror. i don't know -how- the subject of dirty old men got brought up-- really. in every good conversation there are some dirty old men, apparently. but anyway, that made us think of `the odd couple'-- and the odd couple movie and how they were pursuing that one lady-tramp-- and-- and. i was like, dude, i bet they wanted to do each other the whole time! and he's like, yeah, but they're too manly (in their dirty old man sort of way) to admit it! and i'm all, dude!! you're so evil! you've just made me `ship oscar/felix!! omg..! and then he's said, i was just trying to squick you, which worked. so evil. but man..! oscar/felix are so OTP...! oh...my....gahd..!!
why did i never see it before???!
so of course he has to ruin my epiphany with saying, what about dennis and mr. wilson? and i'm like, gross..! (but now i'm wondering.... *shudders* oh god... no....no... noooooooo....) -- and then he's like, "and his mother!" hahaha :D
anyway.
~~
i was just thinking that the reason i loff buffy so much is similar to the reason i like monty python. i'm a huge, huge huge sucker for meta-comedy, self-aware comedy, comedy that teases and makes fun of itself and references geeky pop-culture and obscure cultural memes, and just generally regards nothing as holy. like, the way spike jokes about being insane, and how everyone jokes about willow going on a killing rampage, etc, while still retaining that element of true emotion and sincerity and passion that is so evident in all the character interactions in the show.
and i realized that's my favorite style of writing. and i can't think of any other show that does that-- that's witty and self-deprecating and random and irreverent and mad and yet touching and deep, too. the only thing i can think off that has the same vibe off the top of my head is `the princess pride', which is, of course, not a show. possibly `hitchiker's guide to the galaxy', and a number of other movies that attempt it and fail, like say the men in black movies.
btw, that's what i love about cassie claire's writing. she's so there, in that space, that nothing-is-holy but everything-is-real space. *sighs* fuck maudlin love, anyway. bring on the snarky irreverent joking-as-you-kick-the-bucket angst :D
*wibble* my jewish roots are showing, by god. *wibble*
~~
am thinking about why i wrote my smut!fic, and why it seems so have been so well received (as opposed to my cinderella!ginny fic or some of the other more poetic, more cerebral fics). and how i feel about that, and why i don't identify as much with this fic as some of the more cerebral metaphorical ones, but it seems the characters seem to have a life of their own.
why i write smut is fairly simple-- there aren't a lot of possible answers. i've sex on the brain, i guess. especially when i'm pms'ing ^^;; hahaha :D
but as i was tellingishuca, it's probably the -way- i write sex/physical stuff that's different than anything else i write. i tend to place myself in the situation-- not myself the person, but myself the body. does that make any sense? my body knows the things that all bodies know, knows what it would do in certain situations, knows how it would feel. i can write from instinct and kind of role-play emotions that way, easier than with purely mental interactions. it probably comes across as visceral because it -is- visceral, i write from the center of my own viscera, i'm writing from my gut. instead of giving you my choreographed perception of what "they", these hypothetical people, might be doing, i'm telling you what i'm sensing, in this interplay of energies i'm simulating and plugging into my own skin.
i think sex feels real (when written), when you write what you not only want to see, but do actually see happening, what you feel happening. body language and desire and need are all part of this universal language that everyone speaks, everyone has access to, before we learn any actual "real" language, even. it's very basic, and you have to let yourself go to really connect with it-- you have to get involved with your storytelling-- you're not just "telling a story", it's almost like the story's telling itself through you, through your body. in a way it's more intimately part of you than any other type of artistic expression, and in another it's a lot more separate, because it's not actually anything to do with the "rational" self-aware everyday sort of you that you'd be aware of being.
that's why it's weird to me. because in a way, it's not my story, it's not what i'd consider my normal writing. i've never really written conflict and strong, unreliable-pov characters. in my original fic, i pretty much have been previously limited to one pov-character at a time, and all i knew was what they knew. i didn't write bastards -in the present tense-, i always wrote them as past painful experiences, dealing with the pain of that remembered negativity. i may have -known- some bastards in my life but that didn't inspire me to actually write one in the present tense. it was only with draco that i realized i can do this, and apparently that i can write about someone who is not myself, and who's present, and whose actions i do not approve of at all.
i suppose i'm growing as a writer. it's a weird, somewhat bewildering process, really. my fics and my characters are beginning to get away from me, to get beyond me-- i have many different ways of writing, it seems, and i have a hard time not preferring one over the other, and saying, no, see, -that's- my "real" stuff, -that's- more worthy. this is particularly acute in my case, because of the large variety of types of fics i come up with. i don't do angst or fluff or smut or parody or sap alone or exclusively, and my amount of poetic narrative and amount of dialogue and amount of cuteness and angst all seem to fluctuate without any regulation from me. i tend to consider the somewhat-dark somewhat-poetic somewhat-expository personal pieces more "my own", but i realize that's a skewed perception. i want my poetry to matter/inspire more comment than my smut, but that's just me wibbling and being uncomfortable with outside perceptions of myself not fitting my own perceptions of myself, which is really fine.
my `what you wish' carnival story is really the most "me" i've gotten in writing fanfic. i don't know if that's really important or not. i mean, the other stuff is reaching people, and doing well, and i'm happy about that. i think i'll be happier if i feel i'm really saying something with my fic and reaching people, but i know i can't help saying something, it's just not necessarily anything i'd meant to say, which is something i do often anyway.
er. anyway. wibbling aside, i'm writing `death and coffee' (almost as cute as `death by chocolate' hehehee), which is semi-fluff, and which is (even worse!) a sandman cross-over (wahhh!!). mostly, i was doing fluff, and then i couldn't see how the death from the title fit the story, so poof! insta-Endless, heh. i dunno if i'll -really- follow through with it, but if anyone thinks it's Super Tacky, tell me :>
unstasis, who's a wacky [straight] loon!boy extraordinaire, as who's become disturbingly adept at pushing my slashy buttons, and he likes to cackle evilly at my cries of horror. i don't know -how- the subject of dirty old men got brought up-- really. in every good conversation there are some dirty old men, apparently. but anyway, that made us think of `the odd couple'-- and the odd couple movie and how they were pursuing that one lady-tramp-- and-- and. i was like, dude, i bet they wanted to do each other the whole time! and he's like, yeah, but they're too manly (in their dirty old man sort of way) to admit it! and i'm all, dude!! you're so evil! you've just made me `ship oscar/felix!! omg..! and then he's said, i was just trying to squick you, which worked. so evil. but man..! oscar/felix are so OTP...! oh...my....gahd..!!why did i never see it before???!
so of course he has to ruin my epiphany with saying, what about dennis and mr. wilson? and i'm like, gross..! (but now i'm wondering.... *shudders* oh god... no....no... noooooooo....) -- and then he's like, "and his mother!" hahaha :D
anyway.
~~
i was just thinking that the reason i loff buffy so much is similar to the reason i like monty python. i'm a huge, huge huge sucker for meta-comedy, self-aware comedy, comedy that teases and makes fun of itself and references geeky pop-culture and obscure cultural memes, and just generally regards nothing as holy. like, the way spike jokes about being insane, and how everyone jokes about willow going on a killing rampage, etc, while still retaining that element of true emotion and sincerity and passion that is so evident in all the character interactions in the show.
and i realized that's my favorite style of writing. and i can't think of any other show that does that-- that's witty and self-deprecating and random and irreverent and mad and yet touching and deep, too. the only thing i can think off that has the same vibe off the top of my head is `the princess pride', which is, of course, not a show. possibly `hitchiker's guide to the galaxy', and a number of other movies that attempt it and fail, like say the men in black movies.
btw, that's what i love about cassie claire's writing. she's so there, in that space, that nothing-is-holy but everything-is-real space. *sighs* fuck maudlin love, anyway. bring on the snarky irreverent joking-as-you-kick-the-bucket angst :D
*wibble* my jewish roots are showing, by god. *wibble*
~~
am thinking about why i wrote my smut!fic, and why it seems so have been so well received (as opposed to my cinderella!ginny fic or some of the other more poetic, more cerebral fics). and how i feel about that, and why i don't identify as much with this fic as some of the more cerebral metaphorical ones, but it seems the characters seem to have a life of their own.
why i write smut is fairly simple-- there aren't a lot of possible answers. i've sex on the brain, i guess. especially when i'm pms'ing ^^;; hahaha :D
but as i was telling
ishuca, it's probably the -way- i write sex/physical stuff that's different than anything else i write. i tend to place myself in the situation-- not myself the person, but myself the body. does that make any sense? my body knows the things that all bodies know, knows what it would do in certain situations, knows how it would feel. i can write from instinct and kind of role-play emotions that way, easier than with purely mental interactions. it probably comes across as visceral because it -is- visceral, i write from the center of my own viscera, i'm writing from my gut. instead of giving you my choreographed perception of what "they", these hypothetical people, might be doing, i'm telling you what i'm sensing, in this interplay of energies i'm simulating and plugging into my own skin.i think sex feels real (when written), when you write what you not only want to see, but do actually see happening, what you feel happening. body language and desire and need are all part of this universal language that everyone speaks, everyone has access to, before we learn any actual "real" language, even. it's very basic, and you have to let yourself go to really connect with it-- you have to get involved with your storytelling-- you're not just "telling a story", it's almost like the story's telling itself through you, through your body. in a way it's more intimately part of you than any other type of artistic expression, and in another it's a lot more separate, because it's not actually anything to do with the "rational" self-aware everyday sort of you that you'd be aware of being.
that's why it's weird to me. because in a way, it's not my story, it's not what i'd consider my normal writing. i've never really written conflict and strong, unreliable-pov characters. in my original fic, i pretty much have been previously limited to one pov-character at a time, and all i knew was what they knew. i didn't write bastards -in the present tense-, i always wrote them as past painful experiences, dealing with the pain of that remembered negativity. i may have -known- some bastards in my life but that didn't inspire me to actually write one in the present tense. it was only with draco that i realized i can do this, and apparently that i can write about someone who is not myself, and who's present, and whose actions i do not approve of at all.
i suppose i'm growing as a writer. it's a weird, somewhat bewildering process, really. my fics and my characters are beginning to get away from me, to get beyond me-- i have many different ways of writing, it seems, and i have a hard time not preferring one over the other, and saying, no, see, -that's- my "real" stuff, -that's- more worthy. this is particularly acute in my case, because of the large variety of types of fics i come up with. i don't do angst or fluff or smut or parody or sap alone or exclusively, and my amount of poetic narrative and amount of dialogue and amount of cuteness and angst all seem to fluctuate without any regulation from me. i tend to consider the somewhat-dark somewhat-poetic somewhat-expository personal pieces more "my own", but i realize that's a skewed perception. i want my poetry to matter/inspire more comment than my smut, but that's just me wibbling and being uncomfortable with outside perceptions of myself not fitting my own perceptions of myself, which is really fine.
my `what you wish' carnival story is really the most "me" i've gotten in writing fanfic. i don't know if that's really important or not. i mean, the other stuff is reaching people, and doing well, and i'm happy about that. i think i'll be happier if i feel i'm really saying something with my fic and reaching people, but i know i can't help saying something, it's just not necessarily anything i'd meant to say, which is something i do often anyway.
er. anyway. wibbling aside, i'm writing `death and coffee' (almost as cute as `death by chocolate' hehehee), which is semi-fluff, and which is (even worse!) a sandman cross-over (wahhh!!). mostly, i was doing fluff, and then i couldn't see how the death from the title fit the story, so poof! insta-Endless, heh. i dunno if i'll -really- follow through with it, but if anyone thinks it's Super Tacky, tell me :>
