reenka

oh, i'm laughing muchly. i've never had someone criticize my original fiction before. i suppose it's about time. of course, i get this feeling that from one story, they're telling me i just generally don't do it for them. which is okay, i guess, but......

it was`of frogs and princes', of all things. i think i forget just how much one can find wrong with something so entrenched in its genre, as well as unedited, but still. i wish they wouldn't have generalized my writing from that. but, i suppose that's what judgment is all about, eh. i suppose the biggest complaint was, "where am i going with this", which, well, i guess you could say about 'most everything i write, think, say or do.

er. that's probably not a good thing. i -can- name a couple of stories that have a "point", but honestly, they're few and far-between, aren't they. i should write my warfic just to spite everybody (me?) who would want to say i never write anything with a point. but then you could deconstruct that and say, "so okay, harry & draco saved the world, but what's the point?" ahahaha. or maybe that's just me.

but there really isn't much i can do about style, though well-- that story doesn't exactly showcase all that i -could- be, it's not antithetical, either, so. wah. there are like, legions and legions of people, i'm sure, for whom my style is like a cold compress in december. and that doesn't even have to mean i suck. er. probably. eek.

man. if i ever do go public as a writer, there'll be all these people saying, `whatchoo sayin', willis', and i'll be-- um. um. nothing? help? i can't write, okay, i give up, save me, save me!

it's kind of scary, 'cause usually i don't have a plan, or an excuse, or an edit(!!) or... it's sort of like with me. you either get it or you don't, or maybe that's just excuses so i don't have to edit, edit, edit-- that's what it is, yah ok. also, people disagreeing with me too strongly, without, i dunno, discussing... like, there is so much focus (with some people) on what they -think- is true, and not so much desire to let go of their preset conclusions and bat ideas around anyway. why don't people do that more? like, pretend you don't know what you know, and try to arrive at that conclusion again, and again. like, tumbling down your house of cards merely to build it up again. that's what good conversations on the nature of love & reality are made of... i think. but then... that's just what i think, sadly. or not-so sadly.

i think maybe it's the academic in me, or the student in me. it's easy enough to just talk, forgoing what you -believe- and just deconstruct and analyze ideas without saying, "well, i don't believe this so i guess discussion is fruitless". if you're an intelligent person, how can discussion be fruitless? if i say something, if i write something, why do people assume these are hard-and-fast opinions and they can decide this is who i am and what i believe? why do they put me into this box just because of a stupid couple of paragraphs? but of course this is "human nature", to jump to conclusions, etc. what bothers me is the idea that it's pointless to find out more, that obviously this is what it's -like-, this is what i -think-, and i'm not about to change my mind just because someone disagrees. naturally, this is projection-- the person in question is probably saying, "well, -i'm- not changing my mind, i don't know about -you-".

still, why is everything about this contest? why do you need to worry about whether your mind gets changed or not, isn't discussion fascinating for the sake of discussion? should i discount this person because obviously they don't understand the finer points of intelligent discourse, where it doesn't -matter- if you don't agree, what matters is the interplay of viewpoints, the patterns you can create in contrasting them and trying to work out their inner relationships. plus, if i find you intelligent, most likely i -will- concede your point. ishuca should know this, 'cause she gets me to agree with her v. often. hee. probably 'cause there's no expectation of it, or -lack- of expectation either, we just discuss. that's what it's all about, right?

i think i'm feeling more self-confident all of a sudden. i mean, obviously, we all need to work on our writing (well, i do anyway), but. i'm happy with my flexibility, at least. i -can- change, my writing can change, what i accomplish can grow. who i am now doesn't -have- to be static, as a writer or as a thinker. just because this -was- true doesn't have to mean it -will- be true, because -i- am willing to reconsider and learn, unlike some people. and okay, in all actuality, i'm a stubborn, lazy fool who doesn't tend to ever change or budge in terms of -behavior-, but in terms of fluidity of thinking and writing, well, i suppose i'm doing better than some, aren't i.

not that they didn't have valid points about the story. but i should probably take it with a grain of salt, since they have all these things they bring to it, these blind spots. also, never trust anybody who starts off a review with "meh". *laughs* better for your sanity, probably.