~~perfect imperfection, indeed. or not.

[reenka]

angst, i think, requires believability to be anything real, something besides overblown language, purple prose, euphemisms and exaggerrations and so on. not necessarily characters acting in a "realistic manner" for themselves, even-- it's enough to just have that kernel of real emotion lodged in the words, a thing hard to describe the presence of but very easy to notice the lack of.

an easy thing would be to claim it's because of telling rather than showing. you start off with a hard-to-swallow premise, and that's fine, as long as you back it up with some sort of chemistry, some sort of zing, that makes you believe that these two characters just can't help but act the way they do. you can't just say, "but i care about him more than anything" and expect us to just swallow it. you can't just show a character crying and have us figure "oh, i guess he really means it."

it may be a personal preference, to not have either draco or harry be portrayed as sluts or just people who really sleep around a lot. when it's just draco or just harry, though, it's one thing. when it's both of them, it seems like a way to make it even easier for them to fall into bed, because the act of sex has been desensitized for them. nothing in harry's character, in particular, makes me think he'd be someone to sleep with a large number of people, unless he's really changed drastically, and had some really good reason. there was a fic where he was trying to shut out the world, use sex as a distraction. ok, i buy that. but just pure slut!harry really makes it difficult to suspend one's disbelief. and then we have slut!harry who also secretly cares about draco, too, and displays few real symptoms of hating him, much as he pays lip-service to it. and yes, he always did think draco was hot, after all, who -doesn't- think draco is hot-- we all do, why doesn't harry? of course, he does.

perhaps it's all a matter of phrasing, and awkwardness or smoothness of language also greatly facilitates believability. this is most likely also a factor. the character has to have a distinctive, authentic voice, that sounds, if not -in character-, then at least like a re-invention, a creation of character. if you say this is what the character is, then they should act like it. let his words describe his personality, especially if you're using first-person pov. here, you have draco be slightly more arrogant and melodramatic and whiny, and harry slightly more long-suffering, "normal" and dense in a sort of self-absorbed, flat way. we don't know -why- he's so dense, or if he's lying to himself, or if this is all a charade, or what.

his language is over-elaborate to say the least. it's far from colloquial, and in fact reminds me of some freshman historical romance novels i've read, except they're not usually written in the first person. they're both over-the-top and completely oblivious to reality, it's just that draco has a bit more flair. harry doesn't have any flair, so we're left with falsely-sensible blathering and self-righteous pity-party type stuff from both sides. now, angst-fics isn't us watching characters pity themselves. it's supposed to be us -feeling- something for the characters because they're in pain, and because we identify with that pain, or that character. i wouldn't want to identify with either this harry or this draco in a million years. they're so stuffy and sluttish and un-empathic and devoid of self-deprecating humor it's almost embarrassing.

all their feeble denials of the supposed "forbidden" area of "love" over lust are so transparent as to be severely insulting to their intelligence. in fact, they seem mostly to be there to increase the character's self-pity when they realize that they are oh so alone in the world, because they're too scared to even bother looking around to see if that's true. they're both complete and utter basketcases and from the very beginning, i almost wished they -did- break up (the only reason i didn't is because they called themselves harry & draco and that would be against my religion).

the sex scenes aren't really as intense as they could be because of this remove the character puts in describing them, as if it were a memoir from 30 years ago, and that coupled with the florid description (of eyes and penises and so on), makes it almost dry. especially describing a physical scene, showing vs telling, as well as transparent prose-style becomes vastly important. whether it be anger, lust, or love, the characters don't put in the effort of placing us within their skin, of convincing us that what they feel is real or has truly happened. we get told it felt good, and the eyes were emerald and the orgasm was amazing, better than any other. saying that doesn't help, considering we weren't there for the others.

also, harry as liar and draco as indignant victim rings really false to me. ok, sure, harry can and has withold information from people he thinks don't need to know or wouldn't benefit from knowing. but draco as victim?? as wronged innocent? as someone who is appalled at the idea of less-than-truthfulness in a relationship he pretends is empty? you'd think he'd -respect- harry for being slytherin enough to lie and fool him. you'd think harry would be gryffindor enough to be up-front and just do whatever he bloody wants without worrying about what draco knows or doesn't know-- after all, who really cared, right?

this seems a case of basing harry/draco on some sort of normal, het-style relationship where things might as well start off at a party, maybe, where two semi-sexually-experienced people hook up based on lust, one partner slightly more willing, one partner slightly less-- have a series of sordid rendezvous with slight amounts of conversation-- the whole dinner, movie, and sex set-up, even referred to as "dating"-- and then have their "relationship" fall apart because of the "lies" they've been supposedly telling each other, but have really only been telling themselves. add to this the females' (usually) secret conviction that she Really Really Cared about this jerk, and cheating because your man (note the use of the word "man", as per fic, because my god, they're so mature) doesn't treat you right, because you deserve better (better than what?? these are teenage boys who've slept around, not 20+ year-old well-bred virgins)-- and you have the picture of the typical modern-day romance. and just like with those deluded modern hook-ups, you wish the people involved realized that they act like people under the influence of medium-grade hormones, not True Love, please god don't make me sick.

if what this harry & draco feel is love, then please, let me never feel it again.
i do like draco more-- harry is a complete wet rag, whereas draco's emotions seem a tad more real, if only because his lies to himself seem more outrageous and creative-- plus i can -almost- see him refer to eyes as "oculars" (though, really-- no), whereas harry's using "member" for a penis, for example, seems way too ridiculous to contemplate, especially if he's supposedly a slut. harry's just wibbly, apologetic, ridiculously lustful (and guilty and flustered about it! just like a girl), apparently, and hypocritical as all hell besides. yes, defiant -would- be what's expected. blank-- blank and deceitful is just hard to grasp, really. draco can be patronizing, true, but harry would sew his mouth shut, i'm sure, before he lets draco get away with it, and encourage it by acting like a guilty kid who realizes he should be punished. not only that, he goes and sleeps around on draco because he's too starved for affection, and like some un-redeemed modern-day female he thinks he needs to find it in someone (else's) arms. if one person isn't enough, get two, or three, or four. he's what, 16, 17? if he just wanted affection, he had friends. no, this body-offering is almost a sign of child-abuse, of something wrong with him that needs some sort of cause, an origin.

"The center of my fucking universe." -- this sentence touched me, because it was real, it wasn't overdone, just simply stating, the way a (melodramatic) boy would. yes. this is what i'm looking for. not harry the sensitive boy who need someone to hold him because draco fucks him too hard. more, harry who is angry, truly angry and someone who thinks they're in the right, someone who is pissed off because the other person is dense and doesn't see things their way. really, harry & draco aren't -that- different.

honestly, every time i see "orbs" referring to eyes, from the mouth of a teenage boy, i want to throw up.
and. let me just say. harry taking physical abuse in silence is a) entirely possible, considering his upbringing with the dursleys until age 11; b) entirely impossible, considering the love and care he'd received since then, and the utter lack of respect he holds for one draco malfoy. he would -never- let that boy hit him and get away with it, and if he does, neither of them are any good for each other.
using sex to avoid abuse is a sure sign of extreme emotional/sexual dysfunction, and is very, very often a female-to-male dynamic. it's distasteful having harry be using it, but mostly it's just-- wildly out of character for most males, i think. basically, it's very "bottomish"-- ie submissive. harry isn't that submissive-- and even though we're supposed to be forging new gender roles with slash, this is starting to read overwhelmingly like het in its dynamics, so that it's hard to suspend one's disbelief. harry being scared of draco is just NOT something i ever want to believe would be possible, even if draco became a death-eater and was pointing his wand at harry in the middle of saying the killing curse. just. harry isn't a coward.

the angst and emotion this story invokes isn't because i identify with them, but because i'm afraid and scared, imagining such a messed-up, insane, yet all-too-commonplace relationship. they're like some poster-couple for the disfunctional relationships of the 90s or something.
of course, most people aren't up to harry's standard of being a pathetic bloody idiot who has zero self-esteem, zero confidence and no balls whatsoever unless he's really got his knickers in a twist. the sad thing is, -both- of them are such goody-goodies at heart, they're probably best suited for hufflepuff, though as i'd said, draco has some flair so he -might- be a slytherin on a good day. but mostly? hurting people (ok, hurting harry, we don't really know about "people", since only harry really exists for him) hurts him so bad, it really does. poor draco. here, let harry help you with that tear...

"If I'm going to be gripped and thrown around, I might as well let him do it." -- harry. harry said that. not an abused house-wife. harry. or maybe he's just mousy? very mousy. no, it's more than that, if he allows draco to hit him when he can easily stop it, with his "Seeker reflexes". as draco would say, "What kind of shit is that?"

let it be said now, that i am a sucker.
the last chapter, where things get sappy, i smile and melt.
yes, well.
*ahem* ``Somebody call the reporters," indeed. no one is perfect.
heh, truth is, i don't really care how unbelievable things are, if they're sappy and cute. ha. i just want to read a really in-character fic where this happens. now -that- would make me grin for hours. really. i don't know, i didn't buy the angst, but the sap, it bought me.

Comments

[ex-dark-soul916.livejournal.com]

i-i... *wow*

i don't think i have anything to say that wouldn't pale in comparison, you've already said it all.

once again you awe me babes. :)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

i'm so glad, because, like um-- everyone that said anything about it was like, "oh i adore it, the happy ending", etc.
that's just scary.
the whole fic is scary.
*huggles*

i feel validated :D

[ex-dark-soul916.livejournal.com]

i'm totally with you!

i'd much rather have to most heartwrenching, crappy BELIEVEABLE ending than... well, something that's not and all tied up with a bow far neater than it should be, you know?

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

funny thing is, it's not the ending that bothered me with this fic. in fact, this fic kind of set itself up for the ending it had-- if it had a negative ending it would've been just pointless.

because really, it was more like ``midsummer night's dream" than it was like "romeo and juliet", you know what i mean?
silly misunderstandings, that it was always blindingly obvious, would lead to utter bliss if cleared up.
it was a question of "i love him, but he doesn't love me" for both of them, so if either cracked, they'd totally have nothing keeping them apart anymore, as the story set itself up, you see?

so of course, as soon as that little misunderstanding was cleared up, everything was happy-- they were complete wusses to start with. plus harry was portrayed as a complete fluffy bunny from the beginning-- craving affection, acceptance, hugs and kisses. you think he -wouldn't- say he loved him??

and draco. was always, "oh, woe me, harry doesn't love me, we art doomed, but i would be happy if he at least didn't cheat"-- so when he finds out that really, he was wrong--

well....
like he said, this would be too sappy but he couldn't help himself because he IS that sappy, in this story, see.
it would've been better if she took out the line saying, "i don't love them back" and just had the kiss which could say so much, or whatever.

but again, they're both wusses and remember, draco -wants- to reassure harry in all those various instances-- they both feel very protective and tender towards each other, so i think draco's (let's just call him draco, even though he isn't) instinct would be to make harry happy, really.

so yes, it's not the ending that's crappy-- the ending here is completely inevitable. it's the -fic- that bothers me ^^;;

~reena

[earthquake1906.livejournal.com]

Hey reenka! I admire the depth of this review - have been worried 'cause no one really "gets into it" on Armchair. If it's OK, want to respond to some of what you said, but will do it over there. Hope it encourages more people to discuss...angst...!

*worships your deep thinkingness* / eq