I'm not really directly criticizing the critics and saying they're wrong to express concern, but it seems to go beyond that to sort of an overblown response? I mean, the projecting-of-other-issues is definitely there, and it's unfair/unreasonable to some extent.
Apparently the context is that he was being a jackass 'because she was exhorting me to behave', in this case (meaning, not the same thing, I think, as sexual harassment, though related). I guess it's not really a question of 'forgiving' or 'being silent' (or rather, stewing silently), to me, but rather just not having a victim mentality. A little bit of column A (not letting it get to you) and a little bit of column B (not accepting is as 'normal'), because -both- would actually be self-victimizing behaviors.
I don't feel any particular need (as a woman who's not Connie Willis) to have him apologize publically; if other people do, I think that's their issue-- and I suppose one could say 'he's a part of that community, so if he offends one member, he offends every member', but I just can't think that way. I don't get offended for or on behalf of people 'cause we all have such varying sensitivity levels and also I hate too much sympathy/pity, especially public. I personally wouldn't want to hear 'there there, he's such an asshole, I hope he apologizes/has his balls cut off/gets slapped by karma'. I mean, some people may want to hear it, but I don't :/ I actually would appreciate a direct, private apology, but I don't need -that-, either :/ I'll get over it; my angst is my angst, and even if it's someone else's fault, my response is my responsibility, as far as I'm concerned.
Now, I said all this not to say 'why isn't everyone like me! bitches!' but just to say we're not all a communal brain. Thinking like that leads to a sort of mob mentality that isn't usually emotionally sensitive in itself. In terms of conflict resolution (which would be my goal) and psychology/group-morale peacekeeping, it's best not to start outright witch-hunts or marches until personal understanding/communication has already failed.
I personally don't care that he's an important writer; I personally don't think being a famous writer means you're supposed to be held to some higher standard-- I mean, we're all idiots (humanity, that is). Some of us are better at hiding it than others, and some of us are just not as projective/obnoxious about it. I think caring about 'social image' like that is something that's normal & okay for people to do, but at the same time it leads to unreasonable expectations and sometimes mob mentality; regardless, I wouldn't necessarily call it an intrinsic part of ethics in general but rather of the psyches of J (myers-briggs-type) personalities.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-09-06 02:16 am (UTC)Apparently the context is that he was being a jackass 'because she was exhorting me to behave', in this case (meaning, not the same thing, I think, as sexual harassment, though related). I guess it's not really a question of 'forgiving' or 'being silent' (or rather, stewing silently), to me, but rather just not having a victim mentality. A little bit of column A (not letting it get to you) and a little bit of column B (not accepting is as 'normal'), because -both- would actually be self-victimizing behaviors.
I don't feel any particular need (as a woman who's not Connie Willis) to have him apologize publically; if other people do, I think that's their issue-- and I suppose one could say 'he's a part of that community, so if he offends one member, he offends every member', but I just can't think that way. I don't get offended for or on behalf of people 'cause we all have such varying sensitivity levels and also I hate too much sympathy/pity, especially public. I personally wouldn't want to hear 'there there, he's such an asshole, I hope he apologizes/has his balls cut off/gets slapped by karma'. I mean, some people may want to hear it, but I don't :/ I actually would appreciate a direct, private apology, but I don't need -that-, either :/ I'll get over it; my angst is my angst, and even if it's someone else's fault, my response is my responsibility, as far as I'm concerned.
Now, I said all this not to say 'why isn't everyone like me! bitches!' but just to say we're not all a communal brain. Thinking like that leads to a sort of mob mentality that isn't usually emotionally sensitive in itself. In terms of conflict resolution (which would be my goal) and psychology/group-morale peacekeeping, it's best not to start outright witch-hunts or marches until personal understanding/communication has already failed.
I personally don't care that he's an important writer; I personally don't think being a famous writer means you're supposed to be held to some higher standard-- I mean, we're all idiots (humanity, that is). Some of us are better at hiding it than others, and some of us are just not as projective/obnoxious about it. I think caring about 'social image' like that is something that's normal & okay for people to do, but at the same time it leads to unreasonable expectations and sometimes mob mentality; regardless, I wouldn't necessarily call it an intrinsic part of ethics in general but rather of the psyches of J (myers-briggs-type) personalities.