[unrealistic, that's me]
Aug. 3rd, 2006 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaMan... when I grow up (if that ever happens), I want to be Margaret Cho. ♥.
I really do want to be brave and fierce and LOUD in ways that count. I don't ever want to sit down and shut up or worry what people think of me. I want to exorcise every single bit of pollution dominant meme culture left in my brain; I want to know exactly what I want to say and then I want to SCREAM it from the rooftops. And I want to be dead sexy doing it, because I'd be shining with self-confidence and intelligence and fire. I want to really be everything I am, my gender and color and history, without being limited by it. I want to somehow win free to that hallowed state some women achieve... where they're not afraid of anything anymore. Not just in the 'female safe space' of fandom, but out there in the world, where it's damp and uncomfortable and bland.
I dunno. It's just, it's so true-- you're either beautiful or you're nothing. You live or die, so you live & you're beautiful. Especially thinking of the recent kerfuffle with the white male priviledged guy and his need to live in a world that caters to him... it just makes me want to see everything break open. Instead of running away to hide in my little hidey-hole, what about breaking things open? Breaking myself open if I can't break the world?
It's just so alluring... so mesmerizing... thinking, what if enough of us stand up? They can't stop you. They can't even touch you if you really put yourself out there at the forefront of life, taking what you want. Being who you are. It seems so... next-to-impossible for little avoidant me, but I want to. I want to. I realize all I need to say isn't 'I want' or 'I wish' but I WILL.
It's sort of the difference between patiently explaining 'this is what I stand for, this is what I like' and being the change you want to see in the world, yes.
I really do want to be brave and fierce and LOUD in ways that count. I don't ever want to sit down and shut up or worry what people think of me. I want to exorcise every single bit of pollution dominant meme culture left in my brain; I want to know exactly what I want to say and then I want to SCREAM it from the rooftops. And I want to be dead sexy doing it, because I'd be shining with self-confidence and intelligence and fire. I want to really be everything I am, my gender and color and history, without being limited by it. I want to somehow win free to that hallowed state some women achieve... where they're not afraid of anything anymore. Not just in the 'female safe space' of fandom, but out there in the world, where it's damp and uncomfortable and bland.
I dunno. It's just, it's so true-- you're either beautiful or you're nothing. You live or die, so you live & you're beautiful. Especially thinking of the recent kerfuffle with the white male priviledged guy and his need to live in a world that caters to him... it just makes me want to see everything break open. Instead of running away to hide in my little hidey-hole, what about breaking things open? Breaking myself open if I can't break the world?
It's just so alluring... so mesmerizing... thinking, what if enough of us stand up? They can't stop you. They can't even touch you if you really put yourself out there at the forefront of life, taking what you want. Being who you are. It seems so... next-to-impossible for little avoidant me, but I want to. I want to. I realize all I need to say isn't 'I want' or 'I wish' but I WILL.
It's sort of the difference between patiently explaining 'this is what I stand for, this is what I like' and being the change you want to see in the world, yes.
