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reenkaIs it lame to talk about your own fic? Probably, so I'ma put this under a cut and ramble about my Pansy ficlets & seeing a rec-with-caveats after a random google search on myself :P
It's funny-- yet predictable-- how I forget and ignore most of my positive feedback (after the initial rush of 'WHEEE!! I GOT SOME!') 'cause half the time it either sees things I never did in the fic or goes overboard on the praise, whereas even an (intelligent) misread gets me thinking & thinking about how/why the story worked that way for the reader.
At first, her rec made me see the story in a new light, cause:
In terms of plot, there really isn't any, and to be honest, her characterisation isn't particularly innovative or even complex. What I do like about this fic is that Pansy is completely, unabashedly Slytherin and headstrong; she's no shrinking violet and truly believes in her own worth.
That's really not what I'd want anyone to get out of the fic? And yet it makes a valid criticism, which is that the Pansy -is- sort of obvious and uninspired, and in retrospect I see that. I used to want to write her mostly 'cause she was 'the female' in Draco's life just as I wrote Ginny 'cause she was Harry's 'female' (in my head, Hermione was always 'Ron's female', and this is all sounding terribly sexist, but keep in mind it just so happens I had no affection for any of the girls themselves just as characters to start with).
Anyway, maybe that was naive of me, to think I was doing well ('cause I was pretty happy with that fic!) whereas really I was mocking Pansy throughout it. It's actually funny that anyone thinks she's so great and basically a feminist, liberated woman or wherever, when the whole time in the fic I thought she was utterly deluded about Draco and their relationship and her real status in the world. Maybe this depends on the person reading it already understanding that 'in canon reality', all of Pansy's smugness is based on very little (outside her little circle in Slytherin). But then we only know -Harry's- interpretation; regardless, I wrote it to be a bit mocking the way I often write Draco to be a bit mocking (honestly, I mock Draco half the time when people say 'omg, he's so great & sympathetic!'). Hahah, pretty funny.
Maybe it should've been a lesson for me not to attempt writing her, 'cause I couldn't empathize enough, humanize her enough. I can humanize Draco because even if I mock him, I love him, and you'd probably find at least one Draco!fic of mine where he's reasonably complex and somewhat innovative as a character. With Pansy, though, I just wanted to write her-- make a statement, drive my point home, and 'Breeding' was very much about that Point, which hurt the fic. And of course it was plotless 'cause again, I had nothing to say about her and nothing good or bad I really wanted to happen to her, 'cause she was most interesting in that limbo-land before Draco slipped her leash and/or they had The Talk one way or another.
The review made me wonder just how many other fics I was proud of are actually iffy or predictable in terms of characterization (probably most); the ones I like tend to be the cute one-shots where I explore some tiny detail of the character's life I'm pleased for inventing, like Pansy's talk about her mum in Breeding, Draco's mirror in Harry the Dirty Dog, my vision of the Burrow in Just A Girl, or Harry's characterization and the lists in Blackbird Fly. These are the sorts of things I like in my own fics in retrospect; sometimes I'd write a really pointless ficlet that didn't go anywhere just to have a little tidbit in it, sort of as practice for that character, as a vignette or study that builds my vision of them.
So now I wonder if I should post these with a disclaimer of 'character study, just a sketch', the way you'd say 'just a sketch' in art, because that's what they are. They're not paintings making some statement, they're ways of trying things on-- in the end, I tend not to finish things where I seriously attempt to Really Say Something original or innovative, 'cause that sort of thing tends towards length. :/
I dunno, it's just very odd to realize people are reading those sorts of fics as 'real' stories, and of course they've no reason
not to. Still, with Pansy, I do see a progression to where she is in Golden Rules-- I think she actually becomes 'my' Pansy at that point, though they're both still obviously in relation to Harry and Draco, respectively. Perhaps that fic was so cathartic to me because it accepted that I saw them that way and yet had them break out of that rut as well.
I just can't write about Pansy's remotely healthy (romantic) relationship with Draco or Ginny's with Harry-- I need to mess it up before I get inspired, like I can feel the character, but then that's not a ship-fic and doesn't seem to have a point-- unless I pair her with someone else, which is what happened in the P/G; perhaps that's why I love the P/G from that fic so much and yet have little to no solidarity or affection for the ship or desire to read others' fics.
It's like, they're my Pansy & Ginny, and it's just wrong if they got together 'cause Pansy was blackmailing Ginny or Ginny was experimenting or whatever other reason. If it's possible to have one's own fanfic take over your head and become near-canon, that's what that fic did. If I was so inclined, I could probably write P/G in TGR!verse, but not anywhere else, 'cause that's where my Pansy "went", whereas Ginny sort of stopped being Harry's Black Widow (who killed him twice in other fics) and became his friend after that fic. Of course, none of this is something most people would get from reading it... which just makes me wonder if a fic's 'function' for me as the writer should take precedence, 'cause clearly it works for -me- a certain way, whether or not it does for others.
Not that I'd want to ignore crit! But at the same time, I don't write for an audience, which is usually why I'd think of writing 'plot' (other than the meta-background that's already in my head, unless the plot is its own idea/attraction rather than a prop to make the romance/fic 'worthy' somehow).
I also found a review of 'An Unlikely Pair' that says 'not bad. gets better as you read' which just made me think the beginning was weak or boring/cliche/whatever, which it probably was. Although the truth is, I can't be bothered to fix most things unless I'm utterly obsessed with the fic, so I should expect something would be wrong ^^;;;
It's funny-- yet predictable-- how I forget and ignore most of my positive feedback (after the initial rush of 'WHEEE!! I GOT SOME!') 'cause half the time it either sees things I never did in the fic or goes overboard on the praise, whereas even an (intelligent) misread gets me thinking & thinking about how/why the story worked that way for the reader.
At first, her rec made me see the story in a new light, cause:
In terms of plot, there really isn't any, and to be honest, her characterisation isn't particularly innovative or even complex. What I do like about this fic is that Pansy is completely, unabashedly Slytherin and headstrong; she's no shrinking violet and truly believes in her own worth.
That's really not what I'd want anyone to get out of the fic? And yet it makes a valid criticism, which is that the Pansy -is- sort of obvious and uninspired, and in retrospect I see that. I used to want to write her mostly 'cause she was 'the female' in Draco's life just as I wrote Ginny 'cause she was Harry's 'female' (in my head, Hermione was always 'Ron's female', and this is all sounding terribly sexist, but keep in mind it just so happens I had no affection for any of the girls themselves just as characters to start with).
Anyway, maybe that was naive of me, to think I was doing well ('cause I was pretty happy with that fic!) whereas really I was mocking Pansy throughout it. It's actually funny that anyone thinks she's so great and basically a feminist, liberated woman or wherever, when the whole time in the fic I thought she was utterly deluded about Draco and their relationship and her real status in the world. Maybe this depends on the person reading it already understanding that 'in canon reality', all of Pansy's smugness is based on very little (outside her little circle in Slytherin). But then we only know -Harry's- interpretation; regardless, I wrote it to be a bit mocking the way I often write Draco to be a bit mocking (honestly, I mock Draco half the time when people say 'omg, he's so great & sympathetic!'). Hahah, pretty funny.
Maybe it should've been a lesson for me not to attempt writing her, 'cause I couldn't empathize enough, humanize her enough. I can humanize Draco because even if I mock him, I love him, and you'd probably find at least one Draco!fic of mine where he's reasonably complex and somewhat innovative as a character. With Pansy, though, I just wanted to write her-- make a statement, drive my point home, and 'Breeding' was very much about that Point, which hurt the fic. And of course it was plotless 'cause again, I had nothing to say about her and nothing good or bad I really wanted to happen to her, 'cause she was most interesting in that limbo-land before Draco slipped her leash and/or they had The Talk one way or another.
The review made me wonder just how many other fics I was proud of are actually iffy or predictable in terms of characterization (probably most); the ones I like tend to be the cute one-shots where I explore some tiny detail of the character's life I'm pleased for inventing, like Pansy's talk about her mum in Breeding, Draco's mirror in Harry the Dirty Dog, my vision of the Burrow in Just A Girl, or Harry's characterization and the lists in Blackbird Fly. These are the sorts of things I like in my own fics in retrospect; sometimes I'd write a really pointless ficlet that didn't go anywhere just to have a little tidbit in it, sort of as practice for that character, as a vignette or study that builds my vision of them.
So now I wonder if I should post these with a disclaimer of 'character study, just a sketch', the way you'd say 'just a sketch' in art, because that's what they are. They're not paintings making some statement, they're ways of trying things on-- in the end, I tend not to finish things where I seriously attempt to Really Say Something original or innovative, 'cause that sort of thing tends towards length. :/
I dunno, it's just very odd to realize people are reading those sorts of fics as 'real' stories, and of course they've no reason
not to. Still, with Pansy, I do see a progression to where she is in Golden Rules-- I think she actually becomes 'my' Pansy at that point, though they're both still obviously in relation to Harry and Draco, respectively. Perhaps that fic was so cathartic to me because it accepted that I saw them that way and yet had them break out of that rut as well.
I just can't write about Pansy's remotely healthy (romantic) relationship with Draco or Ginny's with Harry-- I need to mess it up before I get inspired, like I can feel the character, but then that's not a ship-fic and doesn't seem to have a point-- unless I pair her with someone else, which is what happened in the P/G; perhaps that's why I love the P/G from that fic so much and yet have little to no solidarity or affection for the ship or desire to read others' fics.
It's like, they're my Pansy & Ginny, and it's just wrong if they got together 'cause Pansy was blackmailing Ginny or Ginny was experimenting or whatever other reason. If it's possible to have one's own fanfic take over your head and become near-canon, that's what that fic did. If I was so inclined, I could probably write P/G in TGR!verse, but not anywhere else, 'cause that's where my Pansy "went", whereas Ginny sort of stopped being Harry's Black Widow (who killed him twice in other fics) and became his friend after that fic. Of course, none of this is something most people would get from reading it... which just makes me wonder if a fic's 'function' for me as the writer should take precedence, 'cause clearly it works for -me- a certain way, whether or not it does for others.
Not that I'd want to ignore crit! But at the same time, I don't write for an audience, which is usually why I'd think of writing 'plot' (other than the meta-background that's already in my head, unless the plot is its own idea/attraction rather than a prop to make the romance/fic 'worthy' somehow).
I also found a review of 'An Unlikely Pair' that says 'not bad. gets better as you read' which just made me think the beginning was weak or boring/cliche/whatever, which it probably was. Although the truth is, I can't be bothered to fix most things unless I'm utterly obsessed with the fic, so I should expect something would be wrong ^^;;;
