I think what it all comes down to is that I'm contradictory based on my moods and how I choose to spin some basic predispositions I always have... like, I can go several ways. I always felt H/D was 'impossible' and I liked it that way, because I like to batter myself against impossibility & fate & such and it's not even about 'winning' so much as it is about struggle to become, to find one's real identity, to deconstruct shells, etc. How confident I am that there's a real point and any hope depends on my mood ^^
What I meant was, I start out with this sort of prototypical 'hopeless' hypocritical character (Draco, for most purposes), and I try to... twist him, I guess. I've never been successful, but I'm always interested in both hope & hopelessness in anyone's life. What's interesting to me also (about my idea of Draco) is that he never gives up-- even though he's beaten, he keeps going. So there's a sort of odd hope in hopelessness, a contradiction that I've never quite been able to pin down. There's something... I dunno, romantic? About all the little & big self-delusions and attempts at transcending oneself in love. I guess I root for him even as I don't see 'a way out', so to speak. I think I like the struggle more than the victory or defeat :-?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 05:03 am (UTC)What I meant was, I start out with this sort of prototypical 'hopeless' hypocritical character (Draco, for most purposes), and I try to... twist him, I guess. I've never been successful, but I'm always interested in both hope & hopelessness in anyone's life. What's interesting to me also (about my idea of Draco) is that he never gives up-- even though he's beaten, he keeps going. So there's a sort of odd hope in hopelessness, a contradiction that I've never quite been able to pin down. There's something... I dunno, romantic? About all the little & big self-delusions and attempts at transcending oneself in love. I guess I root for him even as I don't see 'a way out', so to speak. I think I like the struggle more than the victory or defeat :-?