fangirl existential angst :P

Sometimes I feel weird about all the appropriating I do with like... characters and stuff, slashing them, and trying to tie that feeling to relating to gay men in real life unconsciously before I screech to a halt and just feel weird and a bit alienated and confused. I dunno. Does anyone get what I mean?

There's this intense intimacy and level of empathy & understanding I have with gay characters in slash & yaoi... a level of comfort and ease that is hard to reconcile with the total reinforcement of queer as Other (even now) in the media and just my real-life lack of experience or participation in that culture as such. There's a weirdness even in positive portrayals sometimes (emotionally, for me) like the gay ghosts in Phaedra Weldon's urban fantasy, 'Wraith'. Of all things, the weirdness comes from the lack of romanticization-- I mean, it's actually a good portrayal, but they're nothing to squee about; they're just (quirky) side characters. Ordinary people, obviously, but in a much less intense/personal way than fanfic/yaoi makes them; they're part of a particular social group with its specific identifiers in Atlanta (where the story takes place), say, but I have no particular interest in them. What the hell am I saying.

( ...blah. )

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In other news, I really love Wil Wheaton's blog. :>

And, um, if anyone cares, I really am working on my write-up of my notes from the Prophecy con (♥!!!) & finishing up my fics and such before the month is over ><;;;