[H/D post #82972484937]

It's really disturbing to me just how lazy I am-- I mean, I'm really a horribly lazy person. I don't pay attention to most things I should, leaving everything to the last minute & then doing it slapdash.... Yeah, so today was another spectacular episode of the 'Reena Is A Total Slacker' show but I'm actually too lazy/bleh to type it up @floorpigeon. I was just saying all this to express my befuddlement that there's one thing I seem to consistently take seriously & yet more shocking, want to put effort into(!) at the same time, and that is Harry/Draco. -.- Not to say the actual writing of it tends to involve effort (though I certainly -try- more than usual for me), but the... well, sort of the total package of writing/thinking/analyzing/angsting that passes for 'mental effort' around here -.-;;

Aaaaand all of this is to sort of excuse all the 'normal' people who actually either a) don't care how much effort/thought believable H/D (or any 'unlikely' pairing of that sort) would take; b) actually don't realize/bother to think things through enough to realize 'oh wait, this is a smut/resolution short-cut'. On the other hand, I should be realistic & admit that -everyone- takes short-cuts... possibly there is no such thing as the Ideal Fic where you don't need to take a leap and not ask 'but why??' at least once. And it's true I probably make those leaps without thinking for fics with nearly all other pairings, where I -haven't- analyzed them to death.
    Of course, you can always say I overthink it and am too suspicious, like, do I really always have to ask 'but isn't this too convenient?' and 'but what happened to Harry's hetero hard-on? did someone eat it?' and so on. Uh, what I mean is, I hate it when people say 'I really dislike Harry/Draco as a pairing because most fanfics take such-and-such shortcut' because fanfic writers are lazy :P Then again, my priorities are obviously skewed to hell and back :/

Can you feel the sickeningly recursive meta here? I can't talk about Harry/Draco or fanfic or the related reader response without talking about myself, my wishes/dreams/expectations. In some ways, I'm not sure what H/D is about anymore (post-HBP), and it's the rare, rare fic that has anything to say to me that explains anything. I think furiosity's 'Unintended' sort of does-- and I like the alternate ending 'cause even though it leaves me somewhat unsatisfied, that reflects the dissatisfaction/ennui I generally feel about any portrayal of their future. I can't help but think, well, but it wouldn't be like -that-, but what does it matter if I have no alternative? (And in my 'defense', I'll say that I find short-cuts can be 'negative' as well as 'positive' plot-wise-- meaning, if a character's suddenly gone to a monastery or got married or is tragically dead, it can feel as sudden & unsatisfying in terms of their arc as them suddenly getting over their girlfriend, forgetting they find a Certain Someone really bloody annoying, or maybe just the old standby: OMG HELP ME, I WOKE UP GAY!)
    ( or maybe I do have an alternative. '...and Harry & Draco lived self-consciously ever after.' Alright, my real answer is: they have no future. There is only the present. Live & let die. :/ )

~~

It was like after HBP, H/D writers were gleeful about Harry's 'obsession' and either dismissive of Draco's apparent move away from his old fixation amidst all the angst or actually glad of it, maybe 'cause it gave more canon credence to the 'Draco is oh-so-cool-and-aloof' thing. It's really been-- somewhat frustrating & alienating to me, shippiness aside, and made me realize just how dependent I am on writing about a theme-- need to prove yourself, changing oneself, resentment tangled up with heavy denial & lust, all that good stuff-- as it applied to Draco specifically as a character, and therefore H/D (because HOW CAN YOU SERIOUSLY WRITE ABOUT DRACO WITHOUT WRITING ABOUT HARRY? :O!). I've never valued H/D alone, 'no matter what the means to the end', and have resented that common view of what shippers in general are like.
    Um, I still call myself a shipper 'cause I don't like unhappy endings for them, though I define 'unhappy' as 'without emotional resolution and/or with one of them giving up on finding the above'. And naturally because I seriously think they need to fuck... or was that 'have their issues collide head-on'? I can never decide. :P I sort of compromise with 'there needs to be LOTS OF ANGSTY FUCKING', though perhaps that's my motto for any pairing :> It's just that with H/D there's all this weight of meta whispering in my ear about how -great- it would be, how they could balance each other, how I'd love for there to be a transcendent path of growth and self-realization... god. With Sirius/Remus, at least I know how to enjoy the angsty/fluffy sex properly. ^^;
    ( Morrrrrrre Draco&H/D fandom!meta. :/ :/ I AM SORRY. :| )