...loveholic?

So, I'm reading Loveholic (a yaoi manga), which is rather fitting, considering... it's me. Heh.

Reading all this manga... overall, I'm vaguely surprised that I can (still) care about the love-lives and futures of characters I've just met. I mean, I've always known that (since I started reading fiction), but it's so easy to fall into just looking for fanfic, for me, with its guaranteed emotional reward. I mean, (good) fic about my OTP always hits the spot harder even now, but I think I'm realizing that hitting the spot harder (going for the emotional kink 100%) isn't necessarily the be-all-and-end-all of reading, I guess? It's a weird realization.

It's like, being less invested in these stories, I can enjoy them more on some level. I don't get very angry if things aren't written well, but I'm still really pleased at a well-drawn panel or a funny line or a gripping storyline. It reminds me of the power of interest in overall subject-matter and theme. Like, I'm always interested in opposites-attract stories, always interested in grumpy temperamental boys, always interested in adolescents more than any other age group. I think it's gotten to the point where H/D fic might seem the most emotionally blistering & intense (and case in point, much as I'm enjoying the manga, omg the_leaky today = gnnnnh), but that's not necessarily a good thing, is it? At least, it's definitely an exhausting thing, which takes away from the relaxing pleasure of reading, I guess.

Maybe I'm always looking for the highest high, the most intense ride, but... I think if that's all there is, it becomes a poison to one's system, doesn't it. There's a lot to be said for obsessing (which is what I'm doing), but... er... calmly. I mean, this still feels like an addiction, but since it's less of a total fix, I feel more... uh... liberated, or something, like smaller dosages of escapism are themselves a relief. And it's like, fanfic is especially conducive to addictive/compulsive/escapist (reading) behavior as far as I could tell, because it's possible to just keep going for the same button, the same hit, and that creates a sort of dependency, especially if one reads one pairing near-exclusively and is um... generally given to obsessiveness.

So yes. What sweet fresh air it is, outside fandom. Ahhhhhhhh. Yes, Harry and Draco could have sex somewhere that is not my head, thankyouverymuch and do not come again... except when I call, 'cause I still wanna finish those pesky WIPs. Ahem. (Oh look! Pretty! There's a dark-haired seme and a blond uke over there, and yet, they have pretty Japanese names I can't even remember later! Yesss!)