(remus out loud)

On a random note, one of the things that bother me most about being part of fandom is the knowledge that by the time book 7 comes out, I'll certainly be long gone from active fannish duty & probably not posting on lj, so I'd be completely unaware of anything and everything, fandomwise, and yet. And yet I'm equally certain that I'd totally cheer when (fine, if) Ron/Hermione becomes canon-- and not even because I care all that much, man. In fact, without fandom, I probably wouldn't care about any ship whatsoever, really. It would just be to spite everyone who didn't want it to happen. It's because I'd know that so many people were like, 'grrr, argh' and that would give me some sort of perverse satisfaction. *sigh* On the other hand, I'd probably enjoy it if H/Hr happened too, in an even more perverse and messed up way, 'cause I can't stand the pairing and yet the very 'omg no!!1' nature of them being canon would amuse me. Besides, I read Derannimer's post on HPfGU about how Ron & Hermione don't banter and rather it's that Ron teases while Hermione bristles, and I've gotta say, she has a point (though that says nothing at all about the glory of H/Hr... or the fact that I like bickering too). I think the only outcome I can't possibly enjoy is Harry dying (and even that... the perversity lurks). I'm secretly an evil person, aren't I? ...All right, I lie. I'd be really upset if anything ...er... permanent happened to Harry or Ron.

Perhaps it's just that R/Hr isn't an OTP after all, if I go by musesfool's definition, where it's all about "that Oh god when it doesn't work, I want to cry". That's a great definition, because I do think that for me, an OTP doesn't necessarily mean I can't bear to imagine either of them with anyone else-- it just means that I'm painfully, ridiculously invested in the couple so that their happiness is my happiness and their pain is my pain. And even when-- especially when-- they seem doomed to fail, that's when I care about them the most. And not because of irrenconcilable differences or a falling out-- the worst (best?) is when they seem doomed to fail because they love each other so much, so much, but love isn't enough.

My most intense OTPs have always been about love making you real-- loving in spite of despair and hoping against hope and needing the impossible enough to touch it even once. And those times that one touches happiness like that-- they would be so much more precious, wouldn't they? Because the happiness lives in the midst of ruin, the way fearlessness could live in the midst of dying.

I think part of the reason I love Sirius/Remus is that they start out at polar opposite ends of the spectrum in so far as responses to fear and how one's ego works to conceal/preserve vs. project oneself onto others-- eventually greying since Sirius had to pull in on himself in Azkaban and Remus was a teacher, reaching out to others. Death may be the destination, but their journey is full of loops and shifts and turns enough to make these things more than the sum of their parts, it seems.

( Just thinking out loud.... )