~~ not nearly real.

I wrote this... thing about myself, trying to give people background on me. I hate being the sum of my ramblings on HP meta. If anything, the things that attract me about stories and the questions I gravitate to in lit-crit have much more to do with -me- than they do with lit-crit, really. And I really do need to reach out more. I was thinking about the "reality" of internet identities and how I'm always sincere but I do edit myself. Most parts of my life outside of my theoretical or creative thinking kind of annoy, fluster or make me very anxious. So of course, I avoid a lot, and that makes any picture someone could have of me through lj rather... skewed, I suppose.

The problem is, I don't know what to say. What would anyone want to know? Even more confusingly, what would someone -need- to know to "get" me?

I wanted people to understand how I think, and I realized that talking about my life doesn't necessarily accomplish that. I really hate being misunderstood-- it bugs me to the point of maddening me-- and I would honestly say -anything-, explain anything, just so that my motivations and mental habits become a part of the equation. I know that who I am is part of the sum total of what I say. If you just take what I say without knowing who's saying it (outside of fiction), I don't think you can really understand.

Some things I say flippantly, right, and some things are really central to my way of thinking, and some things I can easily change my mind about 'cause they're one of my (myriad) logic errors. People keep trying to apply logic to whatever I write, and it just confuses me, because it always involves a process of translation. Something gets lost. Usually, what gets lost is -why- I say whatever it is, and to me, that's utterly -central-. Context is everything, basically, when you're not someone who's very linear or logical in their writings.

So what about the facts of my life made me into the person I am right now? What's important, not to me, but to someone else to know so that they can see what makes me tick? Is there, in fact, a short-cut to understanding/knowing someone without spending lots of time with them and having an understanding coalesce out of longtime acquiantance?

Somewhat accidentally, I've come across several people mentioning that whole "online persona" thing and how people are "less real" online, and I've been thinking about it on and off for years, anyway. My knee-jerk reaction is that I don't -have- a "persona" and I'm "just me", but thinking about that a bit more, it becomes kind of a joke.

( Initially, my point was... )

~~

( Well... I tried. :/ In the end, I can't get away from the sarcasm. )