~~ world peace anyone?
Feb. 18th, 2004 10:58 pmI want to write the way I want to live: mindfully, honestly, fearlessly-- with full intent. I want to write what I believe. I want to -live- what I believe. What else is there to want out of life?
If I write humor or sex or angst, I want it to be because that is how life is, to me. If I wrote angst without humor, I'd be lying. If I wrote love without sex, I'd be lying. If I wrote darkness without light or vice versa, I'd be committing some sort of sin I can't even articulate. That is the ultimate lie. So if I write a character as in love or in lust or in anything with another character, I want it to be because that is how I see them-- that is what they tell me they are. The honesty I'm talking about is the only real possible honesty-- the 'to thine own self be true' kind. I want my characters to be true to themselves the way I want to be myself, even if I constantly fail, even though I constantly make a fool of myself. Even when I think life is one big joke-- and the joke's on me-- I want to never stop trying.
The reason I think about pairings so much is because I believe that who we love (and hate, and need) defines us, shapes us on a basic level. If a person cannot be expected to always gravitate to the same people, no matter how specific events in their lives may theoretically change (with every story), then either they are living a lie or they're not the same person they had been to start with. That is to say, either their life is a lie or -they're- a lie. Or both.
This is interesting 'cause I insist on writing about two characters who will never gravitate to each other in their "real" story. I would not write it if I didn't believe, as far as my own personal truths go, that any story where they (Harry & Draco) aren't at least -potentially- on the road to love is a lie. Therefore, yes, canon will always be untrue to me on some level, as far as personal reality goes.
It's nothing to do with "fate" or destiny and everything to do with identity. I think of characters as sets of ideas, as -meaning- something unique and pretty static even as elastic as identity is throughout one's life. Every character I feel I have an understanding of -means- something to me. Their lives have a self-defining purpose, just as all of us have a purpose we create as we live, also. And as we create -it-, it creates -us-. Our own stories, which we tell to ourselves, which we -live-. The characters may not know that purpose-- and as a writer, I may not, either-- but the process of writing parallels the process of living in that way. As the writer, I want to discover the truth about the being I chronicle. And of course, anyone's purpose in life is intimately tied with who they love and therefore share it with.
Someone said once that writing is the process of discovering what you believe, and I think that's very true for me. In this way, I think that separating writing fanfiction and writing "original fiction" is counterproductive. It creates a barrier, this assumption. It implies that this particular writing is "different", less important, has lower standards of this need for discovery, perhaps.
( Blah-blah-owning-your-writing-blah. )
~~
Oh, and btw. I really dunno how much of an HP-centric journal this is anymore. Or -what- the hell I'm doing, frankly. So if you're here looking for more H/D rants or whatever... er... well.... What can I say. I'll always be "meta", but my actual primary "fandom" has always probably been Story itself.
If I write humor or sex or angst, I want it to be because that is how life is, to me. If I wrote angst without humor, I'd be lying. If I wrote love without sex, I'd be lying. If I wrote darkness without light or vice versa, I'd be committing some sort of sin I can't even articulate. That is the ultimate lie. So if I write a character as in love or in lust or in anything with another character, I want it to be because that is how I see them-- that is what they tell me they are. The honesty I'm talking about is the only real possible honesty-- the 'to thine own self be true' kind. I want my characters to be true to themselves the way I want to be myself, even if I constantly fail, even though I constantly make a fool of myself. Even when I think life is one big joke-- and the joke's on me-- I want to never stop trying.
The reason I think about pairings so much is because I believe that who we love (and hate, and need) defines us, shapes us on a basic level. If a person cannot be expected to always gravitate to the same people, no matter how specific events in their lives may theoretically change (with every story), then either they are living a lie or they're not the same person they had been to start with. That is to say, either their life is a lie or -they're- a lie. Or both.
This is interesting 'cause I insist on writing about two characters who will never gravitate to each other in their "real" story. I would not write it if I didn't believe, as far as my own personal truths go, that any story where they (Harry & Draco) aren't at least -potentially- on the road to love is a lie. Therefore, yes, canon will always be untrue to me on some level, as far as personal reality goes.
It's nothing to do with "fate" or destiny and everything to do with identity. I think of characters as sets of ideas, as -meaning- something unique and pretty static even as elastic as identity is throughout one's life. Every character I feel I have an understanding of -means- something to me. Their lives have a self-defining purpose, just as all of us have a purpose we create as we live, also. And as we create -it-, it creates -us-. Our own stories, which we tell to ourselves, which we -live-. The characters may not know that purpose-- and as a writer, I may not, either-- but the process of writing parallels the process of living in that way. As the writer, I want to discover the truth about the being I chronicle. And of course, anyone's purpose in life is intimately tied with who they love and therefore share it with.
Someone said once that writing is the process of discovering what you believe, and I think that's very true for me. In this way, I think that separating writing fanfiction and writing "original fiction" is counterproductive. It creates a barrier, this assumption. It implies that this particular writing is "different", less important, has lower standards of this need for discovery, perhaps.
( Blah-blah-owning-your-writing-blah. )
~~
Oh, and btw. I really dunno how much of an HP-centric journal this is anymore. Or -what- the hell I'm doing, frankly. So if you're here looking for more H/D rants or whatever... er... well.... What can I say. I'll always be "meta", but my actual primary "fandom" has always probably been Story itself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}