*falls over*

One of the finer pleasures in life, to me, is detailing how Everything Sucks, And Then Some. It's funny to me, taking pot-shots and deconstructing things until they're wet smears on the ground. So I'm negative, you say? Well, I guess so. I'm also painfully positive, when inspired. I squee a lot. I bounce a lot. I babble a lot. It sort of evens out. Also, I find most people to be waaaaaaay too PC. Have you noticed? Everyone talks circles around everything. God, I hate that. They're just hiding the fact that they have these strong prejudices. Everyone does, man. Almost everyone. Some people are saints, I'm sure.

So, um. I came rather close to posting an embarrassing list of "fanfic commandments", heheh. Oh man. My mother was here this whole weekend and I didn't get -anything- done (except cleaning), so I get these tiny snatches of time to (of course) read fic and I just happened to read a badfic.

I can be solipsistic a lot of times. I'm very sensitive about being criticized about things I think I can't easily change (my overall personality, my idealism/romanticism/naivete etc, my weight/appearance/personal habits, my manner of speaking), but I almost -enjoy- seeing things bashed if I care about their quality and they're not aspects of me directly. I love seeing people angrily railing against things, going over the top, being vitriolic and unreasonable. I find it cute and endearing. Possibly, I don't do it the right way, but in general, vitriol and a certain type of exaggeration appeals to me.

This makes people (even my mother, whom I'd forced to read over my rant) tell me that I sound like I feel self-important and cocky, like I'm shoving my rhetoric down people's throats. This makes me rather abashed, because this sort of behavior is beyond offensive to me in other people. Isn't it funny how that works? I myself enjoy strong opinions, a good rousing debate, and people who froth at the mouth to various degrees. As long as it's all about ideas and not about an attempt to control, which I admit is a question of intent, something which isn't always clear by far.

( So commenced a ramble on my uncomfortability with judgement & some general speech-as-action babble. )

~~

Anyone who bothers to read/understand this prolly already was empathic to me to start with, so I doubt I made any sort of difference. Still, I feel bad for having ranted (even though I didn't post it). I don't condemn because this implies (to me) some sort of emotional distancing, whereas I just sit there and boil and stew. My judgement is innate and passionate rather than dispassionately "handed down". I always thought judgement was more rationalized, more separated from the person's awareness of ego, whereas to me, my opinions/judgements -are- my self. They're not something I -give-, they're something I -am-. What I "am" is, of course, fluid. Another thing judgement isn't supposed to be-- consciously fluid.

Anyway. Babble over now. I just wanted to apologize to anyone who's ever thought I judged them (badly). I haven't judged -them-. I've only judged -things-, which I don't consider a part of -them-. I don't even know what people -are-, but I know it's not something up for judgement. It is beauty. It is subtext. It is mutable. It is, in the end, truth.
~~

Also. This H/D pic by ruhgozler is um... the hottest H/D since the -last- Hottest H/D. Whoa.