~~ I think maybe I think. Or not.

So how do I know anything? How can I be so certain (and when will I stop being so uncertain)? What gives me the right to proclaim the so-called truth about anything? Why am I so confusing and elliptical and when am I going to start making actual sense? Don't I fear my own chutzpah?

Er. No? Also, I don't know. I was actually asking myself how in the world I figure things out (or pretend to for the span of about an hour or two, much to the mystification of any listeners)... and in the end, it's just that things... come to me. If one thinks about some confusing or interesting aspect of human behavior or words or any set of ideas long enough, it's like one's brain becomes a laboratory for the natural workings of the universe. Things start to coalesce just because one's really -thinking- about them. Does that make any sense? So the answer to people asking me "how do I know" would be "because I think".

I realize there are no certainties in matters of opinion which isn't backed up by experimentation and testing, and even then things are arguably entirely subjective (and therefore at least somewhat useless). I suppose I've always trusted my essential vision, even if the direction of my thought suddenly changes direction. I've always been able to focus on any philosophical or language-related question and suddenly I saw a number of concurrent threads leading to and away from it, as well as some possible conclusions. I don't know how to explain it, even-- it's just that by the process of thinking about something, I automatically get a sense of direction. It's like walking around in a vaguely familiar town, and at some point getting a strong tug that tells you that the place you're looking for is -that- way. And then things start getting more and more familiar, and it's like more and more puzzle pieces are falling into place exponentially.

This doesn't always happen. Sometimes I just have a number of dangling threads, and none of them feel any more strongly vital to me than another. I feel sort of blind in this, because without much of a traditional mental logical grid, I cannot predict where I'm going and I'm dependent on sudden bursts of enlightenment to tell me. Basically, I almost never think-- or at least, I rarely write-- in a linear progression. That's part of why I ramble, too.

I don't think linearly and I'm effectively blind during the process, yes, but at some point I -do- "see", and when that happens I figure I've stumbled upon what passes to me for the truth. Until next time.

It's a question of creating mental structures. I can consider a fanfic in a fandom I know virtually nothing about, and just by that act of perception, I see new connections form both within the story and leading from the story to other concepts and stories. I'm sure most people make connections subconsciously, with any set of data-- the only difference is that I'm more aware of what I am thinking. So it's not so much certainty as the actual fact of my perception. It's -there-, and sometimes I'm almost blinded by how clear and blazingly obvious it all seems.

Am I even saying anything decipherable right now? I can't quite tell.

( I can't believe I thought this would clear things up. Then again, what `things'? Er. )