~~baby dandelions. yah, that's it ~:)

it's spring again, and i found this on found_objects.
    my professor says that even though i talk a lot in class, he could never get a sense of me unless he talked to me personally. which i find rather disappointing. but then, it's tempting to just let go, and only think-- i have my connection with the world. i have my love for sky and stream and beauty and poetry, and i don't need all this clutter, all this worrying about others and caring what everyone thinks of me, because in the end it doesn't -do- anything, just sits there, making me feel heavier and heavier.

spring, and i feel lighter. it's too early to really wear just a skirt and a shirt, but i don't care. i'm a little bit cold, but it's alright. sometimes i look at people and i'm pleased to be not alone, and sometimes i just want to walk away, and keep walking. in a strange way, that's a contradiction-- because a part of me wants people to -know- i am a walker, i am walking on the edges of things, through things. i want to be seen and to see, but not necessarily for those things to mix. spring, and spending time typing is seeming like a waste of time. i should curl up somewhere in the sunlight, bring a notebook with me, stay away from the shadows and remember what sunlight on water and rock looks like, because so often, i think that's all i -want- to remember.

( dandelions and dragonflies and writing and i'm just somewhat of a sap, aren't i. )

~~

was reading `ten zillion points from gryffindor' by amanuensis on hautemonde's rec... was quite enjoying myself, though stumbled upon this bit:

"Malfoy?" Harry shook his head, not caring that Snape knew about that, but caring very much that he understood how things stood between Draco and him. "Malfoy's a boy. His idea of foreplay is to say, 'Sorry, was that too fast?' while he's picking pubic hairs out of his teeth. He's got no sense of art at all. *And* he's a total bottom. What I want is a *man*." He licked Snape's mouth. "A man like you."

*ponders*
the malfoy bits in h/s stories always throw me off, but this is just a great example of why. i mean, either malfoy is a) disgusting; b) discounted; c) "just a boy". it's that last one that bothers me. the idea that harry would want snape because he's a "real man", or "not a boy", even as a joke. i mean. okay, 16 year old girls feel like that, sometimes-- and i admit i didn't poll 16 year-old bi boys for this, but. er?
    and it's not that i'm taking it oh-so-seriously. all in good fun. 'cause if i take h/s too seriously, i can't read it, anyway. muwahahah. yes. have i mentioned i'm a crazed fanatic, and you should be frightened, one and all? because, yes -.-

( i can't believe i am even rambling on about this, but i think i may have developed a sore spot, here. -.- )

~~

in other news, i'm contemplating reading (the rest of) jkr just to be able to say, "ha! i -have- read them! so ha!".

( not the most mature motivation, what what the hell, right? could stare at the [theoretical] dandelions and ponder harry's fate. )