~~i never thought i would actually need one of these...

so. the upshot of it is, i'm having an online-identity crisis. *laughs* what i mean is, having an audience is both scary and addictive and mind-boggling and...well... confusing. i started just intending to have people make use of my links, since i felt i was really accumulating them (hp fanfic links that is). that is just something i've done online since i -got- online, way back when. i used to write down every interesting place i went to in my address book. eventually my list got so big i didn't have room to scribble them down anymore, so i started my own webpage (also because i thought people with webpages were very cool-- i mean, wow, someone likes faeries and dragons -and- writing??! i could -die- of shock and amazement).

if any of you got online before or during 1996, you probably know the feeling. the net was so. fucking. cool.
    so i started a links page, and it grew, and grew, and grew, and i never actually lost the habit of organizing my links with the strange idea they're useful. for posterity? i don't know. surfing is a fine art. or it used to be. *laughs*

the most attention any of my webpages ever got was like, one guestbook entry per month. it got pretty steady there for a bit. i was just addicted. totally. wow. one guestbook entry! so exciting!
    so then i destroyed my webpage, partly because i got -too- interested in getting feedback. i would check my silly dreambook like, every day. several times a day. it was really unhealthy, i thought. so i just deleted everything. it -hurt-. that was a lot of creativity, countless hours of (stupid, old-school html, but whatever) design. at least i didn't delete my poems. but the rest of it was gone. boom. i'm like that. i destroy things on impulse.

    ( a disclaimer is probably the next best thing... )

~~
    EDIT - and oh yah. email me if you want some fanart or a card or something for `the holidays' which is to say, christmas >< er. yes. i -want- you to, too. you know who you are, don't you?? don't you want me to send you pictures of draco (or hermione, ahahahah), naked?? well, gimme your address, then >:D<
    [and yes, i've sunk to a new low of t00biness.]

and, just so i `keep up', skysorceress wrote a harry/ron ficlet, `fingerprints'. which i'll read, just as soon as i can swallow again. haha.

~~how to drug reena: a manual.

- first, make sure she reads some quality hilarious boy-lurve, with lotsa laughs and hopefully sexual references, and amazing cute adorableness:
   + `deportment' - check.
- tease her with cute english straight-boy actors sounding like they want each other, want each other bad - and they have polaroids o_0:
   +   bad place - check.

- finally, overload her on ridiculously cute yet sexy yet sweet boy-lurve fanart until steam starts to rise, like in a sauna:
+ foreplay, heh - check.
+ wooing - check.
+ mmmmrrr - check.
+ mmmm, afterglow - check.

- for an extra-special punch, give her something extra sweet to read, as a bonus:
+ eeeee, ron & hermioneeeeeee - check. *loffs silvia, scampers off to read*
    EDIT - and it's not, it's not a drug at all, it's just beautiful, beautifully them, and it's the only thing that's really made me feel `hermione' since i read `the language that god speaks', months and months ago. just, if one fic could make someone love r/hr so that you can say, `if you don't love them in this, you're just never going to love them', this would be it. i adore it. i mean, i just kind of casually `ship r/hr, but... i mean... you need beautiful fics to make you really -feel- and -understand- what seems to make sense to you, but you never really -knew- until you read them. i mean, until then, until you read them, whatever it is you think is only theory. *sigh* and then, it's just so beautiful and right that you can't help it, you just can't help it....

also, reading blackcurrant's `peppermint' made it come into sharp focus just how much of a personal attraction bias goes into the `choice' of whether to write harry/snape or harry/draco. it seems like in harry/snape fics you get as much rhapsodizing and deifying of snape as you get of draco, in h/d fics.

It is "glossy" for his black hair- though, once he would have said "greasy". Snape's hair has the fatty sheen of crows' wings, of ravens' wings. Always ravens' wings, for the birds have a haughtiness and a stateliness to them that correspond to the man.

i mean, really now. is it necessary to drool so much that the other character becomes a completely blatant mary sue? and ok, so loads of draco-centric fics are like that. -mine- aren't (i haven't yet rhapsodized about malfoy's utter beauty, and i don't plan to start, though i of course do think he's beautiful), but still. maybe it takes seeing it from an outside angle-- since -i- don't think snape is the god of sex incarnate, all this worship just seems... blatant. it's like you need to make him sexy because -you- as the writer think he's sexy. how many fics have gone on and on about snape's orgasmic voice? i mean, you'd think it was a fact in the books or something. he -always- moves like silk on steel, and his voice is -always- the most decadent thing on the planet since chocolate was discovered. *sigh* not that it's a bad fic, because it's not, it's a good fic (and i mean -really- good. she's a great writer, and the words are beautiful-- almost -too- beautiful. and `beasts of burden' & `devil's crowbar', the second sequel, are... well, beautiful too.) just. this makes me appreciate `atrophy' even more ~:)