~~so let's talk buffy & angst & angst & spuffy. spiffy angst.

oh... my... gahd.
so. i'm talking buffy here.

and. ``spike as william's mary sue" (as proposed, sort of, here), is the most brilliant thing i've ever heard. now, realize i missed this week's buffy (weird internal clock, no actual watch, etc etc.-- *sigh*-- i wish i had someone to beg for a copy, but there's no one, so at least my dignity is intact) so...

but. yes.
the idea of a vampire-self being a creation of one's mind is a fascinating, and quite obvious construction. i'm thinking of `interview with a vampire' especially. vampires, because they -become- who they are instead of being born that way (in most stories), are very interesting possible psychological studies. sort of the idea of creating your own darkness, of becoming your own perfect self, even if that self is really twisted. and yet not being able to supress the need for love and the approval of one's lover, the acceptance into the group (of vampires, etc). especially fascinating the idea of the link between the spike persona and william being "dark romantic desire". yes. the link between the dark impulse and the impulse to be oneself, being the heart. love as the thing that ties you together, that can draw out hidden parts of you, that splinters and puts you back together.

i ship buffy/spike not because they're twisted (though i like that), but because it rings of some sort of deep psychological truth to me. buffy has issues with herself as Buffy and herself as Slayer, see? she also created an identity that she isn't quite sure how to deal with, she also is torn between light and dark, with love binding her. they are in very different places, but they are still twisted reflections of one another, and that is always, always what i look for in a love story.

in a way, i think it's funny that people say these pairings/people are doomed (together or apart, often enough, too). especially for the reason that they can't truly understand one another, they're too different. i think there's a way where being ``at odds" actually lets you understand each other better than anyone else could understand you. `the losing side' is the all-time perfect example of this for harry & draco anyway. i should like, do a whole big essay sometime on why i think it takes someone who thinks differently than you, but feels similarly and/or comes from similar places emotionally and/or has similar "issues" even if their motivations and origins are wildly different, can actually understand you better than someone who is much more "like you" in motivation and behavior.

you know it just occurred to me, that i'm weird. i don't think i'd attract the sort of people who comment on intellectual meta-type journals because i'm too flighty and incoherent, and the people who want um-- other stuff-- are put off by my extreme rambly metaness. i am homeless and unloved. *wail* ahem. just kidding.

pointless thought for the day:
wouldn't it be funny (just, brilliantly ironic) if ip turned out "happy" and luw didn't?? you know what i mean, if you follow `armchair slash'. yes. vanityfair said the angst is here for the long-haul, and won't go away soon, if ever. if ever...!...!

muwahahaha. i guess that's how it is with life. the angst is here to stay, isn't it. but, i mean, the no snogging, that's just harsh, that's just harsh, hee. unless it was just wibbling to throw us all off the scent. i wouldn't discount that, heh.

actually, usually i don't even think about it. is the angst here to stay?? well, i mean, it seems obvious. of course it is. can you imagine fluffy spuffy? well, i can't-- but that's not the point. the point is not to get all gooey and cozy and sit by the fire and lick each other's necks for the rest of eternity. that's just boring. no, see, the point is to just not let go. the point is to have fun snarking and biting and kissing and yelling and kicking and talking and living. yo.

really living.