~by candlelight....

i was thinking... instead of the exchange of rings (not something i've seen done in h/d fanfic --er-- thank god--), how much sexier it would be to give one or both people ear-studs instead. red, blood-red (garnet) ear-studs in particular, like drops of blood. sooo appealing. i don't know why, but if i was head-over-heels for someone, the thought of them wearing my ring leaves me sort of cool, whereas the actual -piercing of skin- aspect, plus the blood-red stone color-- is just, too sexy. knowing they're walking around, wearing that, -inside them-. whoah. well i've been considering `love gifts' as an idea. they don't make a great fic idea or anything, since they'd be only meaningful to the characters, not the readers. unless the readers identify with the characters a lot. like say, me. heh. golden rings are just, too boring, aren't they? plus, more complex rings (saaay, a gold dragon with emeralds or what have you) are too bulky. --yes i realize now i'm thinking too much about this. heh. jewelry/stones can really make such fascinating symbolic/memetic statements. most people really waste that aspect of it, completely. except for the notable exceptions of the all-pervasive golden rings and golden crosses.

plus, i just have to mention-- labradorite, and this combination of labradorite and peridot (and silver), rocks my world. i wannit, i wannit bad. oh yah, christmas gift, here i come. the stone is AMAZING, just, completely amazing. so many inclusions, and patterns and oh, the -green-. i've become a greenness junkie. i don't know why ;p oooh a dragon/lion pendant with labradorite and peridot would so rock. someone would have to hand-make it of course. and it'd prolly be way out of one's price range if they decided to sell something they'd put so much work into. but just -seeing- it would be so cool. labradorite, garnet, peridot, amethyst, fire opal, moonstone, and iolite. i do like amber, but it's too common, i've seen too much of it, and it's...well...it just doesn't have that "mystique" factor for me. neither does amethyst, but it's too amazingly violet to give up. why the hell am i ranting about precious stones? well why not. it's not like i can only talk about writing and draco without feeling i'm losing my dignity. even though it's true, heh.

i'd love to make jewelry, and pottery, and glass, and all kinds of other craftsy things. i think it's just amazing and it makes me have faith in humanity, that craftsmanship still exists. it actually -pains- me how bad most modern mass-market jewelry-making is. it's just ridiculously, horribly, amazingly awful. in america anyway. you'd never know i was an inner-city kid, would you. me and my desire for huts in the wilderness, my need for sky and ocean, my yearning to garden, love of pets and wild animals, lust for craftsmanship. it's so weird. j. asks me, why go outside, why leave my room, why live. and i guess if it wasn't so sad, i'd just laugh. i'd just laugh.

i'd just say-- look outside you idiot. look outside! do you see it? do you see the sky? do you see the clouds, just before sunset, when they're lined in silver and rose, when they look like the most subtle and unbelievable of paintings? do you see how they -change- and deepen and darken, and how the dusky blue sneaks up on them, how the silver merges with blue until everything is this silvered, magic color of twilight? did you ever smell the roses, first blooming in may? the way they are so delicate and sweet and smooth on your tongue, like you can drink them in and never stop? did you ever let your toes linger in the surf, the shells prickling your skin, your shorts getting all damp from the spray? did you ever lie back on the summer grass and let the sunlight bathe your closed eyelids, feel it sinking into your skin, trying to get inside you? if you have, do you still tell me there's no reason to leave your chair?? when i feel the sunlight on me at noon, i feel like the sun loves me. when i float, weightless in the salty ocean, i feel like the water flows right through me, like i'm both the wellspring and the estuary. you are a part of all of existence, singing and flowing through you.

and you know what?? that's just not some fucked up new-age philosophy, my friend. i feel it in my bones. it's a thing i know better than i know my name. it's not a -belief-. it's how i -am-. it's -who- i am. you think you're disconnected from all of existence, you think it doesn't ultimately matter if you live or die. you couldn't be more wrong. your purpose is no more or less weighty than that of the blackbirds flying by the window you'd boarded up. you exist, and if you want to, you live. that is the end and the beginning. i'm not about to spout things about how We Are All One or how the goddess loves you. just close your eyes and smell the life blossoming around you and -you- are the one in love. you are the one who's enchanted. there are secret doors everywhere. magic is a wish away. there in moonlight, there through sunlight, there by candlelight.

~~and now for something completely different.

okay, so, this is like, stupid and what-not. and i'm... well it's not dignified to be all squealy about people you don't quite know too well-- or even DO know "too well" (especially). but. but...! oh. um. i'm telling y'all (y'know, y'all who are mostly in my head, those people. yah. we all know about "them", don't "we", hehe. i crack myself up-- but anyway--). yah. i'd like to say, i lovelovelove (erm...well you know... er nevermind)-- helena. *happy sigh* her journal. i haven't been reading it lately-- ever since meeting her last winter. i found her around the time i found liquor [aarti] and everyone. she rocks. yah. she has -such- a way with words. and she's still at it! woo! this entry re: Sammy Soul Mate [& married "bliss" *shudder*], is just-- priceless. hee :) Sammy Soul Mate! *grins* i so agree. yah. i've had a few friends get married. get married! MARRIED, people! what the heck were you thinking??! my -god-! and yeah, they're not "available" as much anymore. i guess it's the married bliss taking over their brains ;p hmf. remind me to only get married to someone as crazee as i am. someone who... well someone who'd only do it for the "gesture". silly, huh. i like pretty dresses though. plus children of course. so. but.... i mean... i will so not turn into "Reena the Married". oh my GOD. that would be death. i miss 'manda :( i -miss- her and she's -married- and she's in frikkin' -buffalo- doing -married stuff-. hmf. yah well, "long-term relationships" can do this to you too. i should know. goddamnit. *sigh*. um, i've diverged from my happy helena-squealing haven't i. yah. it's not like i want polyamory or non-committal flings, or... whatever. i just want to be me. "friends with benefits" [as on the 'relationship style' quiz] doesn't really cover it. i LOVE the people i love, forever, yeah. do i want to share my bathroom with them for years to come...??! no. do i want them to feel they need to complain to me about their every tooth-ache?? NO. god i'm one messed up old-school romantic, aren't i ;p

     ``I want to meet you, for the first time, every single day, as if you woke up with a new soul every morning. If I can't do that, I'd rather give you to the Russian mafia."

er... yah. this message brought to you by, reena's messed-up-fangirl brain ;p

P.S. ~~ok, so...i know most hp fanfic at ff.net is bad...but really... i mean, -really-... i have no words for this. it's not so much that it's -bad-, even, that i can understand. but... what does it have to do with harry potter? except um... those nasty, "dark" slytherins. yah. oooooh... vampire!slytherins. heh. it's too much :) ok so she's 14. i was so lame when i was 14. she's actually good for 14. etc,etc. i instinctively didn't write fanfic back then. ha-- instead-- i wrote these really really bad sex stories. yes i'm not ashamed. ok, rather, i'm shameless ;p heh.
   it's so hilarious, trying to imagine what i'd have written if i was to write hp fanfic at 14. would i also like, give dwakie a fairy/vampire/etc best friend? ok but yah, she does write badly, and i only -sort of- wrote badly. ahem. heeeyyy, i -like- those sex stories, even. they were hot! ;p well...ok maybe not. i can't remember too well anymore. yah it was het, btw. ah gods, we all have skeletons in our closet, i guess. heh, though it doesn't really feel shameful to me, just somewhat lame. i wrote really strange comedic fantasy, too. everything was either for laughs or for sex back then. ok, still. actually, yah, first poem i wrote in english was a fanfic-sorta-thing. *shudder* it was for fantasy island. ha. second one was for beverly hills 90210. i actually thought the whole luke/shannon doherty melodrama was... intense. when i was 12. god, i can't cast stones, can i. oh yah. at least i don't have NSync fanfic in my past. er....yah ok i'll shut up while i'm behind, now.