....Okay. You're right. I don't know how I come across-- because like, um-- I feel like I have no way of knowing if people don't tell me.
By saying it's 'transparent', you're implying I intentionally try to get on a writer's good side by some sort of conscious manipulation. I don't think I'm even capable of conscious manipulation of other people's opinions of me or whatever, man. It's like-- I talk before I think, is all.
I wasn't accusing/implying that you're insecure, at least not in the way you mean-- but yah, my grasping at straws semi-randomly can be seen as condescending; I see that. I think I see people thinking that I mean -them- by some sweeping statement as a sign that they're unsure of me and think I -would- mean them, which doesn't make intuitive sense to me 'cause I didn't -mean- that.
I don't mean -anyone-, generally, see. In -particulars-, I always tend to see good points & bad points, and I don't mention the bad points to the writer unless I'm comfortable with them or don't think they'd care about what I say 'cause they don't know me from Lilith. But even when I talk about general issues, I wibble-- which may seem manipulative I suppose, but is really just sincere at every point. I am usually in the process of forming opinions all the time, it's just that I'm outspoken and/or unintentionally challenging/combative to people who disagree(?). I don't mean to butt heads with anyone. That would scare me, 'cause interpersonal arguments are just not my forte.
I've never consciously meant to pressure anyone to friend me. I never consciously mean to pressure, period. Pressuring isn't what comes naturally to me-- I mean, I agonize about politely asking for things, man. If I want something, it kills me to seem desperate or whiny 'cause I'm insecure about being rejected. So I wouldn't pressure knowingly. After this, if I didn't friend back-- whoever it was-- it may have been that it took me several days to check my userinfo & remember or whatever, but I usually friend anyone I -know- and want to read the journal of, and if I don't, I imagine I just wanted it to read something specific on their journal, but I don't remember any such case.
I don't brownnose, either, on purpose-- I mean, that's another personal integrity thing to do with honesty. If I like, I LOVE, a lot of times, and I'm gushy & emotional. I don't mean to be overly adoring or whatever, though... at least, if I squee, I tend to go into a lot of detail as to -why- and -what- I'm squeeing about.
The 'perfect' thing is just a word issue that has little to do with you and more to do with switchknife, who's sensitized me 'cause she says fics are godlike & perfect more than once. I don't think anything is perfect; anyway, not as a serious descriptive term about fiction.
Re: Verdant's fic, I haven't read it, and so wasn't talking about anything in particular to do with it. I -plan- to read it, 'cause as I said, I do enjoy her writing and I do read almost any H/D I come across regardless of whether it's up to whatever snuff.
I admit I'm contradictory and wibbly while being strident. *sigh* It's... difficult to fix, since my exact stance on things-- or focus, at least-- does shift slightly, while the heart doesn't really change. I don't mean to offend anyone, though, I really don't.
It's ironic, because I make general statements -because- I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings specifically, see. I feel like by being general, I avoid being -personal-. Instead, apparently I'm personal 'en masse'-- which basically leaves me between a rock and a hard place, doesn't it? Even my mutability & willingness to discuss and compromise works against me. :/
I don't tailor my opinions-- I genuinely change my mind if people give thoughtful responses, which I thought would actually encourage people to debate/argue/discuss with me. Not all people, of course. Tailoring my opinions would mean I'm-- insincere, basically. Purposefully devious. I'd even be mean to someone before I'm devious and pretend to think something I don't. I may be confusing, ditzy, contradictory, even nonsensical (people say that often enough)-- but hey, at least I'm sincere :D
I'll try to think before I speak more. Or something.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2004-06-29 05:29 pm (UTC)By saying it's 'transparent', you're implying I intentionally try to get on a writer's good side by some sort of conscious manipulation. I don't think I'm even capable of conscious manipulation of other people's opinions of me or whatever, man. It's like-- I talk before I think, is all.
I wasn't accusing/implying that you're insecure, at least not in the way you mean-- but yah, my grasping at straws semi-randomly can be seen as condescending; I see that. I think I see people thinking that I mean -them- by some sweeping statement as a sign that they're unsure of me and think I -would- mean them, which doesn't make intuitive sense to me 'cause I didn't -mean- that.
I don't mean -anyone-, generally, see. In -particulars-, I always tend to see good points & bad points, and I don't mention the bad points to the writer unless I'm comfortable with them or don't think they'd care about what I say 'cause they don't know me from Lilith. But even when I talk about general issues, I wibble-- which may seem manipulative I suppose, but is really just sincere at every point. I am usually in the process of forming opinions all the time, it's just that I'm outspoken and/or unintentionally challenging/combative to people who disagree(?). I don't mean to butt heads with anyone. That would scare me, 'cause interpersonal arguments are just not my forte.
I've never consciously meant to pressure anyone to friend me. I never consciously mean to pressure, period. Pressuring isn't what comes naturally to me-- I mean, I agonize about politely asking for things, man. If I want something, it kills me to seem desperate or whiny 'cause I'm insecure about being rejected. So I wouldn't pressure knowingly. After this, if I didn't friend back-- whoever it was-- it may have been that it took me several days to check my userinfo & remember or whatever, but I usually friend anyone I -know- and want to read the journal of, and if I don't, I imagine I just wanted it to read something specific on their journal, but I don't remember any such case.
I don't brownnose, either, on purpose-- I mean, that's another personal integrity thing to do with honesty. If I like, I LOVE, a lot of times, and I'm gushy & emotional. I don't mean to be overly adoring or whatever, though... at least, if I squee, I tend to go into a lot of detail as to -why- and -what- I'm squeeing about.
The 'perfect' thing is just a word issue that has little to do with you and more to do with switchknife, who's sensitized me 'cause she says fics are godlike & perfect more than once. I don't think anything is perfect; anyway, not as a serious descriptive term about fiction.
Re: Verdant's fic, I haven't read it, and so wasn't talking about anything in particular to do with it. I -plan- to read it, 'cause as I said, I do enjoy her writing and I do read almost any H/D I come across regardless of whether it's up to whatever snuff.
I admit I'm contradictory and wibbly while being strident. *sigh* It's... difficult to fix, since my exact stance on things-- or focus, at least-- does shift slightly, while the heart doesn't really change. I don't mean to offend anyone, though, I really don't.
It's ironic, because I make general statements -because- I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings specifically, see. I feel like by being general, I avoid being -personal-. Instead, apparently I'm personal 'en masse'-- which basically leaves me between a rock and a hard place, doesn't it? Even my mutability & willingness to discuss and compromise works against me. :/
I don't tailor my opinions-- I genuinely change my mind if people give thoughtful responses, which I thought would actually encourage people to debate/argue/discuss with me. Not all people, of course. Tailoring my opinions would mean I'm-- insincere, basically. Purposefully devious. I'd even be mean to someone before I'm devious and pretend to think something I don't. I may be confusing, ditzy, contradictory, even nonsensical (people say that often enough)-- but hey, at least I'm sincere :D
I'll try to think before I speak more. Or something.