~~ (Fic!) Buffy's last hurrah.
Feb. 1st, 2004 12:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI was wrong, I think, about being able to write oodles of B/S. I -feel- their dynamic, pretty instinctively, but... Spike, basically... is rather far away from me. And it doesn't help that I don't know the canon as well as I should. And also, it took me months upon months to feel comfortable with H/D, to really get a feel for their voices, long after I had a feel for their dynamic. I dunno if I ever want to go through that for any other pairing ever again.
It's such a commitment, really, emotionally tuning yourself to characters that matter to you. Like you're playing an instrument and if you've got a good ear, you feel you need to hit all the notes just right. And for that, you need practice, practice, practice.
Anyway. So yeah, I wrote one, but it's not gonna be a habit.
( Buffy fic: `A Dance for Tomorrow' - B/S - life goes on, even when it doesn't. )
... And listening to NIN's "Downward Spiral" isn't helping. Suddenly I can't even imagine feeling anything else. See, I listen to songs like "Mr Self Destruct" and I think, this is it. This is a large part of why I write the things I write sometimes. I forget it's not all about that-- not all blood and dirt and rage. I like that place. I grow addicted to its power, to the way it forces me to output, to the way it screams at me to -speak-. Maybe I write H/D and all these other messed-up pairings because of -me- more than anything about them. Well, of course I do. Maybe if I wasn't writing about love and desperation, I'd just write about desperation, and that'd be pretty wanky, wouldn't it. Admitting you know why the teenage girls write those deathfics and such. I was never like that, really.
Some people have existential angst. I think I have existential rage. Yeah, I'm thinking... like the Incredible Hulk of poncey git philosophy.
I think one reason people write OOC stuff is that they're not in tune with that sort of emotional place, where all the messed-up mad love comes from. They realize that these two people are wrong, somehow-- right for each other, maybe, but still -wrong-, but they can't -grasp- it. Maybe most people aren't too in touch with the epicenter of mad rage within them. I mean, that's probably best for their health, isn't it?
People have said that there's no such thing as in-character fluffy H/D, and that's not true, not entirely. I think it depends what you -know-, emotionally. If you know what it's like to be happy even though the world's crashing all around you, then you can write fluffy H/D. That's why I hate it when people take the easy way out, when they write a happy ending just because it's nice and makes them feel good. Then again, they probably don't take the writing seriously, like it's art, like it's a part of them, like it's an intimacy, a release, a gaping wound.
...And yeah, most of the time, I take it -too- seriously. I'd say I need a hobby, except this -is- my hobby. Being a writer is kind of embarrassing, actually. -.-
It's such a commitment, really, emotionally tuning yourself to characters that matter to you. Like you're playing an instrument and if you've got a good ear, you feel you need to hit all the notes just right. And for that, you need practice, practice, practice.
Anyway. So yeah, I wrote one, but it's not gonna be a habit.
( Buffy fic: `A Dance for Tomorrow' - B/S - life goes on, even when it doesn't. )
... And listening to NIN's "Downward Spiral" isn't helping. Suddenly I can't even imagine feeling anything else. See, I listen to songs like "Mr Self Destruct" and I think, this is it. This is a large part of why I write the things I write sometimes. I forget it's not all about that-- not all blood and dirt and rage. I like that place. I grow addicted to its power, to the way it forces me to output, to the way it screams at me to -speak-. Maybe I write H/D and all these other messed-up pairings because of -me- more than anything about them. Well, of course I do. Maybe if I wasn't writing about love and desperation, I'd just write about desperation, and that'd be pretty wanky, wouldn't it. Admitting you know why the teenage girls write those deathfics and such. I was never like that, really.
Some people have existential angst. I think I have existential rage. Yeah, I'm thinking... like the Incredible Hulk of poncey git philosophy.
I think one reason people write OOC stuff is that they're not in tune with that sort of emotional place, where all the messed-up mad love comes from. They realize that these two people are wrong, somehow-- right for each other, maybe, but still -wrong-, but they can't -grasp- it. Maybe most people aren't too in touch with the epicenter of mad rage within them. I mean, that's probably best for their health, isn't it?
People have said that there's no such thing as in-character fluffy H/D, and that's not true, not entirely. I think it depends what you -know-, emotionally. If you know what it's like to be happy even though the world's crashing all around you, then you can write fluffy H/D. That's why I hate it when people take the easy way out, when they write a happy ending just because it's nice and makes them feel good. Then again, they probably don't take the writing seriously, like it's art, like it's a part of them, like it's an intimacy, a release, a gaping wound.
...And yeah, most of the time, I take it -too- seriously. I'd say I need a hobby, except this -is- my hobby. Being a writer is kind of embarrassing, actually. -.-
