I love it when you challenge me on these kinds of points-- you know, when I get all idealistic and head-in-the-clouds. It's like a breath of fresh air coupled with a whiff of cigarette smoke, bitter and grounding somehow. I'm a contradictory sort of person, I guess. I know exactly what you mean about being different people but the same person at the same time-- because -I'm- like that. I'm one of those people who're like, "but ask me again 2 hours from now, and I'll say something else". It's really frustrating (and I imagine, confusing for others), 'cause... I mean...I get pretty passionate about what I believe & it's not like I have multiple personality disorder, so I remember believing something else pretty clearly.
In this case, I thought it was ironic in particular 'cause I have this Epic Post on Draco I've meant to type up since this past summer that completely contradicts this one. I thought of that before you commented and smirked, kinda. Like, "heh, there I go again". 'Cause in that post, I talked about how central that idea that Draco could -change- is to my view of him. How I -need- him to change. How it's all tied up to my vision of identity as fluid, as containing huge amounts of potential most people never begin to touch upon. It's a transcendental idea to me (again, ironically), because if we -are- static, as human beings, we are doomed, to some extent, to always repeat our mistakes, y'know?
And yet, I want to think that there's a -center- to us... that something remains, something that's hard to put into words... and yet it is that Something Beyond Words that -loves- other people. It's not the sum of all identity at all... it's like... one's heart. It's hard to speak of it without resorting to metaphor. One's emotional make-up, how's that. I think there's a balance there, between nature and nurture. Both are pretty vital, but one's history can only really affect the parts of oneself that -respond- to nurture. Some things remain nature. I don't know -what- those things are. I think love... can be a product of either. Even sexual orientation can be a product of either. But. I think... once you're past a certain age... like, age 12 maybe... and you have that as a given... then you're going to have a core of constancy, of staticness. Y'know? I dunno. Far be it from me to think I know the truth about identity, 'cause that's what I've been obsessed with understanding since I started thinking seriously.
I'm all for different-but-equal versions of a character... but this ties into 'personality' rather than... uh... (this is embarrassing)... soul. Okay, better-- ego vs. id. I certainly don't write any character all that constantly (my Ginny, for instance, is a good example of someone I've written up, down & sideways). But in another way, she's always been -Ginny- to me. It's weird. It's sort of like... recognizing someone even in an AU fanfic. -Something- about them is just always -them-. And that "them"... to me, that "them" will always love that -other- "them"-- even if in that particular story (that I myself have written!!) they -don't-. Does that make -any- sense? *cringes* It's like... I don't even have to -shwo- it. It's always there, for me. I'm a freak, like I said, and point B is not defensible. I did say that. Covering my ass, man.
I'm all for flexibility & different kinds of stories. I mean, a characterization doesn't necessitate any particular -scenario-, to me. Anything can still happen, pretty much, given any one characterizatio. It's all up for grabs, really, as long as I feel the person was being honest to life-as-they-saw-it with the story in question. I always come off as more judgemental than I am. It's a curse. A curse, I tell you! ^^; hee.
But in general... I hate the idea (and practice) of being stuck in a rut-- even -though- I'm obsessively romantic & stuck on H/D. So yeah. OTPness is unimportant-- I really wasn't trying to imply it was-- in fact, I went to pains to say I understand lacking it totally. Um. Just. I believe in being true to whatever fluid truth you perceive. Which I don't always actually -do-.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: rambly rambly rambly
Date: 2004-02-19 12:09 am (UTC)In this case, I thought it was ironic in particular 'cause I have this Epic Post on Draco I've meant to type up since this past summer that completely contradicts this one. I thought of that before you commented and smirked, kinda. Like, "heh, there I go again". 'Cause in that post, I talked about how central that idea that Draco could -change- is to my view of him. How I -need- him to change. How it's all tied up to my vision of identity as fluid, as containing huge amounts of potential most people never begin to touch upon. It's a transcendental idea to me (again, ironically), because if we -are- static, as human beings, we are doomed, to some extent, to always repeat our mistakes, y'know?
And yet, I want to think that there's a -center- to us... that something remains, something that's hard to put into words... and yet it is that Something Beyond Words that -loves- other people. It's not the sum of all identity at all... it's like... one's heart. It's hard to speak of it without resorting to metaphor. One's emotional make-up, how's that. I think there's a balance there, between nature and nurture. Both are pretty vital, but one's history can only really affect the parts of oneself that -respond- to nurture. Some things remain nature. I don't know -what- those things are. I think love... can be a product of either. Even sexual orientation can be a product of either. But. I think... once you're past a certain age... like, age 12 maybe... and you have that as a given... then you're going to have a core of constancy, of staticness. Y'know? I dunno. Far be it from me to think I know the truth about identity, 'cause that's what I've been obsessed with understanding since I started thinking seriously.
I'm all for different-but-equal versions of a character... but this ties into 'personality' rather than... uh... (this is embarrassing)... soul. Okay, better-- ego vs. id. I certainly don't write any character all that constantly (my Ginny, for instance, is a good example of someone I've written up, down & sideways). But in another way, she's always been -Ginny- to me. It's weird. It's sort of like... recognizing someone even in an AU fanfic. -Something- about them is just always -them-. And that "them"... to me, that "them" will always love that -other- "them"-- even if in that particular story (that I myself have written!!) they -don't-. Does that make -any- sense? *cringes* It's like... I don't even have to -shwo- it. It's always there, for me. I'm a freak, like I said, and point B is not defensible. I did say that. Covering my ass, man.
I'm all for flexibility & different kinds of stories. I mean, a characterization doesn't necessitate any particular -scenario-, to me. Anything can still happen, pretty much, given any one characterizatio. It's all up for grabs, really, as long as I feel the person was being honest to life-as-they-saw-it with the story in question. I always come off as more judgemental than I am. It's a curse. A curse, I tell you! ^^; hee.
But in general... I hate the idea (and practice) of being stuck in a rut-- even -though- I'm obsessively romantic & stuck on H/D. So yeah. OTPness is unimportant-- I really wasn't trying to imply it was-- in fact, I went to pains to say I understand lacking it totally. Um. Just. I believe in being true to whatever fluid truth you perceive. Which I don't always actually -do-.