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reenkaHappily ever afters, man.
I wouldn't even know where to start talking about what I think about the way (love) stories "should" end. I feel as though I'd be talking about all of me and all of Story and all of love. Because clearly I want them-- I could even say I need them, am addicted. But there's a personal definition at work there, as much as or more so than the more general one you'd assume.
I've been watching/reading an insane amount of Buffy/Spike last few days (whom most people would agree aren't "supposed" to have a happy ending-- whatever that means). I've been drowning in it and not coming up for air. I've literally done nothing else. Can't. Obsessed. Not 'cause I've read so much angst and need a happy ending-- just because their dynamic kind of enthralls me. And I can't even blame the porn. 'Cause nice as it is, het just doesn't do anything for me, thrill-wise.
The ever-present question: do I want them to settle down and get a dog & a baby & keep some swords and stakes in the closet? Or in other words, do I think of romantic(!) love as ideally permanent, exclusive, stable? (Short answer: No, but....)
Longass answer: I think love lasts as long as the lover contains the memory of it within them-- all love. But that's not the question, is it. It's a thorny question. I personally don't exactly write happy endings. I write (generally) ambiguously (to varying degrees) positive endings. I like the sensation of hope, of endless possibility at the end of a fic. I like thinking that anything can happen, and yes, I like thinking that this "thing" will be generally-- good. And my idea of "the good" is usually for people to act on their love. So there's prolly be a good long stretch of future that involves much the same things that were in the past-- a continuing process. Life.
I don't see why people think that after a certain point, life and what made it -good- has to change. It's like, you fall in love, and suddenly you're a different person who wants different things? Well, probably, to some extent. But even so-- that's the temporary-glitch aspect of romantic entanglements, isn't it. That's why people break up-- because they can't do it-- can't -be- it anymore. Hopefully, they could just not even begin it, and continue doing what works. (For Buffy&Spike, "what works" isn't as easy to figure out as it could be, but that's what makes it interesting, isn't it.)
This is why, by the way, I can't stand a lot of post-Hogwarts H/D. They settle down, get jobs, move in together (just add babies...). Please! I mean. They'd kill each other. I'd kill myself having to watch them. Some cows will fly, etc. Does that mean I think they can't exist outside of that one venue of fight-snark-duel-fuck that worked in school? No. I just wish someone would imagine a future that's -them- rather than being all about some Christian Midwesterners.
It's complicated. Endings don't exist in real life, and I wouldn't want them to. I don't like the hemmed in entrapment of it-- I don't like the idea of "this is it-- game over". Love doesn't gave a -goal-. Life in general has no goal that I can see beyond the living of it with passion. Everything kind of goes up and down and around-- as long as one isn't dead, anything can happen. I like that about life, and about stories. So how could I say I want any favorite couple to have a "happy ending", when I don't want them to end at all?
I'm obsessed with beginnings-- with openings. I think I latch on to the idea that some stories contain this germ of -something- that just -has- to bear fruit-- I just want to see that seed grow. I want to get the chance to see what develops when you give things a chance, when you don't ruin them prematurely. I think a lot of times people don't get the chance to be their best selves, and they never try again. I'm not sure if they always should, because one definitely learns from one's mistakes and that's all part of the process of living. One makes mistakes, incorporates some lessons from the experience, moves on to hopefully not screw up exactly the same way next time. Gets ready for another beginning.
Because that's what I think love can be, what life should be-- a series of beginnings. Entwined with endings, true, but it's the prospect of new beginnings that makes life -happy- for me. It's the sense of openness, the source of endless dreams. A "happy ending" for me is all about that -sensation-. Feeling oneself become open to the future, facing it without fear. At the end, the character falls in love with their own future. That's what I want. Isn't that what everyone wants, really, whether or not they'd call it a "happy ending"?
So back to mistakes and giving things a chance.
Fanfiction, by definition, is all about the myriad possibilities of a single paradigm. Like, for instance, in romance fics: Character A + Character B = Event X.
Not all of those X's have to have positive value (that would probably include sex & violence with slight amounts of hand-holding if speaking of personal preference) in order to captivate me. But sometimes, within the actual story, I feel like the equation didn't play itself out completely to its fullest potential. There's a sense of incompleteness, because some stupid mistake has been allowed to become more important than all the potential that had ever been there. So in fanfic-- that's the space, right there. That sense of wrongness that gives me the space to rewrite-- the impetus to rewrite. The need to try again. Even though I don't know what "right" is-- have no idea what the ideal ending is-- or if I even want an ending-- I need to see them try again. And if they fail that time too, they should try yet again. And again. To the point that sometimes I think it's the -trying- to get it right that's important, rather than the getting it right itself.
That doesn't address why I myself am so crazily OTP-centric. Don't I obsessively wank on this one pairing, this one set of possibilities, wanting to see them and only -them- get these chances together until they get it -right-, dammit?
Er, well, yes. I'm an obsessive-- I find what works and I stick with it. My "happy ending", I guess, would be the promise of many beginnings to come. I want to experience that rush of "YES!!", that perfect rightness of the first kiss, the first glance, the tentative faith that "it will all be okay because you're there", again and again. I don't think much about how it will "ultimately" end. Does he leave her? Does she leave him? Does he/she/they die? Who hurts whom most? Do they regret it? Does he wank about her/him obsessively for the rest of his life? (Well, okay, I'm interested in that one, but that's just the wank talking). I don't think about that. I just don't (again, excepting the wank. Ahem.)
I don't know what anyone's "full potential" is (dude, I could make mucho money if I did-- or at least get my own life together), but I know when people haven't reached it by far. I can just -feel- it. And it feels -wrong-, especially when the story built up all this potential. It's like having these huge wings that you never use to fly-- just take them off and lay them on the ground, letting them gather dust. I don't really care if the character falls after they try to fly-- if they fly too close to the sun, if their heart explodes from the sheer joy of it. No, I'd even enjoy that. I don't want to see Icarus come down safely, get accolades for his daring feat, get a trophy house and wife and life. Everyone has their own unique Best Destiny, and for Icarus, I think that would have been dying just as he did-- in the air. Burning, falling, -living-.
That's my happy ending, I guess. That's the source of my OTP madness. It's the idea of Best Destiny.
Many, many things can work, and many more things can fail in life. With relationships especially, I think. I suppose my own personal focus is on how human beings can -work-, together and alone. How can they overcome what's holding them back? How can they achieve their own personal vision of happiness, whatever that may be?
Because people (writers and readers both) do assume, don't they. They assume that a character's happiness is some sort of paper cut-out fascimile of something on a 50's show, all white fences and wide plastic smiles. It's ridiculous. Happiness is so wide, so unpredictable. Happiness is getting to be who you are, knowing who you are, accepting who you are, someone you love accepting you, for almost everyone. Most other aspects of it are up for grabs, I think.
A best destiny is about someone realizing what they want-- not just as far as another person, but as far as who they want to be-- and then seizing it. Because that's what life can be like, what I want it to be like. And I think that most people aren't really made to go through it alone. We all yearn for companionship, whether we fully admit it to ourselves or not. And that's why I don't really care if my chosen couple is "together" in a romantic sense-- I just want them to be -together-. Really together, in any way, shape or form. Because they -fit-, in my head. Because I think they would bring out each other's best selves. Because I think together, they have a better chance at seizing their own Best Destiny.
Maybe this doesn't actually happen in "real life". Maybe we are all kind of doomed to putter around, making stupid mistakes over and over, failing to see what's right in front of our noses, letting go our chances for happiness one after another until it's too late. So much of what people think of as "happiness" is so very fleeting, isn't it. So very temporal and easy to misplace. A lot of people don't even realize there's another sort of happiness out there, and if they do, they don't believe in it. Most people never find it. Some people would even tell you this kind of happiness isn't meant for mortals, that we'll only get it in the afterlife if we've been "good".
That's why I do cling to OTP's and fairy-tales and all the rest of my idealistic nonsense, in the end. Because I believe in that other happiness. I believe in heaven on earth, because what else is there to believe in? I obviously don't think it always happens-- or even usually happens. I just don't think it can -never- happen. I think we -can- become who we want to be. Our best possible selves. I think this can be the best of all possible worlds. I think we can make it so. The possibility is there-- the hope is there-- the -need- is there. And in the end, what can anyone do but try?
I wouldn't even know where to start talking about what I think about the way (love) stories "should" end. I feel as though I'd be talking about all of me and all of Story and all of love. Because clearly I want them-- I could even say I need them, am addicted. But there's a personal definition at work there, as much as or more so than the more general one you'd assume.
I've been watching/reading an insane amount of Buffy/Spike last few days (whom most people would agree aren't "supposed" to have a happy ending-- whatever that means). I've been drowning in it and not coming up for air. I've literally done nothing else. Can't. Obsessed. Not 'cause I've read so much angst and need a happy ending-- just because their dynamic kind of enthralls me. And I can't even blame the porn. 'Cause nice as it is, het just doesn't do anything for me, thrill-wise.
The ever-present question: do I want them to settle down and get a dog & a baby & keep some swords and stakes in the closet? Or in other words, do I think of romantic(!) love as ideally permanent, exclusive, stable? (Short answer: No, but....)
Longass answer: I think love lasts as long as the lover contains the memory of it within them-- all love. But that's not the question, is it. It's a thorny question. I personally don't exactly write happy endings. I write (generally) ambiguously (to varying degrees) positive endings. I like the sensation of hope, of endless possibility at the end of a fic. I like thinking that anything can happen, and yes, I like thinking that this "thing" will be generally-- good. And my idea of "the good" is usually for people to act on their love. So there's prolly be a good long stretch of future that involves much the same things that were in the past-- a continuing process. Life.
I don't see why people think that after a certain point, life and what made it -good- has to change. It's like, you fall in love, and suddenly you're a different person who wants different things? Well, probably, to some extent. But even so-- that's the temporary-glitch aspect of romantic entanglements, isn't it. That's why people break up-- because they can't do it-- can't -be- it anymore. Hopefully, they could just not even begin it, and continue doing what works. (For Buffy&Spike, "what works" isn't as easy to figure out as it could be, but that's what makes it interesting, isn't it.)
This is why, by the way, I can't stand a lot of post-Hogwarts H/D. They settle down, get jobs, move in together (just add babies...). Please! I mean. They'd kill each other. I'd kill myself having to watch them. Some cows will fly, etc. Does that mean I think they can't exist outside of that one venue of fight-snark-duel-fuck that worked in school? No. I just wish someone would imagine a future that's -them- rather than being all about some Christian Midwesterners.
It's complicated. Endings don't exist in real life, and I wouldn't want them to. I don't like the hemmed in entrapment of it-- I don't like the idea of "this is it-- game over". Love doesn't gave a -goal-. Life in general has no goal that I can see beyond the living of it with passion. Everything kind of goes up and down and around-- as long as one isn't dead, anything can happen. I like that about life, and about stories. So how could I say I want any favorite couple to have a "happy ending", when I don't want them to end at all?
I'm obsessed with beginnings-- with openings. I think I latch on to the idea that some stories contain this germ of -something- that just -has- to bear fruit-- I just want to see that seed grow. I want to get the chance to see what develops when you give things a chance, when you don't ruin them prematurely. I think a lot of times people don't get the chance to be their best selves, and they never try again. I'm not sure if they always should, because one definitely learns from one's mistakes and that's all part of the process of living. One makes mistakes, incorporates some lessons from the experience, moves on to hopefully not screw up exactly the same way next time. Gets ready for another beginning.
Because that's what I think love can be, what life should be-- a series of beginnings. Entwined with endings, true, but it's the prospect of new beginnings that makes life -happy- for me. It's the sense of openness, the source of endless dreams. A "happy ending" for me is all about that -sensation-. Feeling oneself become open to the future, facing it without fear. At the end, the character falls in love with their own future. That's what I want. Isn't that what everyone wants, really, whether or not they'd call it a "happy ending"?
So back to mistakes and giving things a chance.
Fanfiction, by definition, is all about the myriad possibilities of a single paradigm. Like, for instance, in romance fics: Character A + Character B = Event X.
Not all of those X's have to have positive value (that would probably include sex & violence with slight amounts of hand-holding if speaking of personal preference) in order to captivate me. But sometimes, within the actual story, I feel like the equation didn't play itself out completely to its fullest potential. There's a sense of incompleteness, because some stupid mistake has been allowed to become more important than all the potential that had ever been there. So in fanfic-- that's the space, right there. That sense of wrongness that gives me the space to rewrite-- the impetus to rewrite. The need to try again. Even though I don't know what "right" is-- have no idea what the ideal ending is-- or if I even want an ending-- I need to see them try again. And if they fail that time too, they should try yet again. And again. To the point that sometimes I think it's the -trying- to get it right that's important, rather than the getting it right itself.
That doesn't address why I myself am so crazily OTP-centric. Don't I obsessively wank on this one pairing, this one set of possibilities, wanting to see them and only -them- get these chances together until they get it -right-, dammit?
Er, well, yes. I'm an obsessive-- I find what works and I stick with it. My "happy ending", I guess, would be the promise of many beginnings to come. I want to experience that rush of "YES!!", that perfect rightness of the first kiss, the first glance, the tentative faith that "it will all be okay because you're there", again and again. I don't think much about how it will "ultimately" end. Does he leave her? Does she leave him? Does he/she/they die? Who hurts whom most? Do they regret it? Does he wank about her/him obsessively for the rest of his life? (Well, okay, I'm interested in that one, but that's just the wank talking). I don't think about that. I just don't (again, excepting the wank. Ahem.)
I don't know what anyone's "full potential" is (dude, I could make mucho money if I did-- or at least get my own life together), but I know when people haven't reached it by far. I can just -feel- it. And it feels -wrong-, especially when the story built up all this potential. It's like having these huge wings that you never use to fly-- just take them off and lay them on the ground, letting them gather dust. I don't really care if the character falls after they try to fly-- if they fly too close to the sun, if their heart explodes from the sheer joy of it. No, I'd even enjoy that. I don't want to see Icarus come down safely, get accolades for his daring feat, get a trophy house and wife and life. Everyone has their own unique Best Destiny, and for Icarus, I think that would have been dying just as he did-- in the air. Burning, falling, -living-.
That's my happy ending, I guess. That's the source of my OTP madness. It's the idea of Best Destiny.
Many, many things can work, and many more things can fail in life. With relationships especially, I think. I suppose my own personal focus is on how human beings can -work-, together and alone. How can they overcome what's holding them back? How can they achieve their own personal vision of happiness, whatever that may be?
Because people (writers and readers both) do assume, don't they. They assume that a character's happiness is some sort of paper cut-out fascimile of something on a 50's show, all white fences and wide plastic smiles. It's ridiculous. Happiness is so wide, so unpredictable. Happiness is getting to be who you are, knowing who you are, accepting who you are, someone you love accepting you, for almost everyone. Most other aspects of it are up for grabs, I think.
A best destiny is about someone realizing what they want-- not just as far as another person, but as far as who they want to be-- and then seizing it. Because that's what life can be like, what I want it to be like. And I think that most people aren't really made to go through it alone. We all yearn for companionship, whether we fully admit it to ourselves or not. And that's why I don't really care if my chosen couple is "together" in a romantic sense-- I just want them to be -together-. Really together, in any way, shape or form. Because they -fit-, in my head. Because I think they would bring out each other's best selves. Because I think together, they have a better chance at seizing their own Best Destiny.
Maybe this doesn't actually happen in "real life". Maybe we are all kind of doomed to putter around, making stupid mistakes over and over, failing to see what's right in front of our noses, letting go our chances for happiness one after another until it's too late. So much of what people think of as "happiness" is so very fleeting, isn't it. So very temporal and easy to misplace. A lot of people don't even realize there's another sort of happiness out there, and if they do, they don't believe in it. Most people never find it. Some people would even tell you this kind of happiness isn't meant for mortals, that we'll only get it in the afterlife if we've been "good".
That's why I do cling to OTP's and fairy-tales and all the rest of my idealistic nonsense, in the end. Because I believe in that other happiness. I believe in heaven on earth, because what else is there to believe in? I obviously don't think it always happens-- or even usually happens. I just don't think it can -never- happen. I think we -can- become who we want to be. Our best possible selves. I think this can be the best of all possible worlds. I think we can make it so. The possibility is there-- the hope is there-- the -need- is there. And in the end, what can anyone do but try?
