Oh, in this case I was talking about -story-... you know... stories. I think... stories break people open in a unique way, allow their emotions to be engaged in a sort of "safe space". I think a lot of people will feel for fictional people things they wouldn't allow themselves to feel for real people they know, because in that, there are repercussions for -them-. In fiction, it's all passive and nothing is really required except to -feel-, and since you're immersed in that world, and you know nearly -everything- and it's not distant, happening to "not you", because of the reader-identification process.
in terms of real life... i think it really depends on the person's level of empathy, which is sort of a gift some people either don't have or repress. i actually don't know if it's directly related to how close you are to the person, except that would probably correlate to their willingness, but not necessarily their -ability- to really be empathic. i mean, patting someone on the back or hugging and sitting there when they talk and maybe even crying with them (what most people do) isn't the same thing as -understanding- and feeling some measure of what they're feeling.
people have different levels of barriers in this regard, i guess. personally.... i'm rather wide open to friends and strangers, though that's probably because most people don't really -know- (i guess you'd say i don't really have friends, heh, or maybe it's just hard for me to believe i do, i don't know). also... there's a difference between the one-off identification with a character and a singular experience of sharing in real life and something constant and prolonged or repetitive without a foreseeable frame or conclusion (which no story asks of you).
i find that i tend to be the "therapist friend" (or i try to be)-- that is, people unload on me all the time (if they're in my orbit at the time, which right now almost no one is). i have had a lot of depressed friends... and if they're having a flare-up or a spike, it's much easier to take some of it onto myself, to try and process it for them. but the depression doesn't lighten, and my understanding doesn't seem to -help- them. and then i see them the next day and the next, and it's the same. and i get worn out by this constant low-level buzz of discontent they still want to transfer onto someone else... they just talk and talk and talk and talk doesn't help. :/
what i mean is, the people close to the person get exhausted too, and begin to distance themselves, having to live in the vicinity, especially seeing how little they're making a difference even as they're drained. maybe that's just me though.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2003-10-04 10:11 am (UTC)in terms of real life... i think it really depends on the person's level of empathy, which is sort of a gift some people either don't have or repress. i actually don't know if it's directly related to how close you are to the person, except that would probably correlate to their willingness, but not necessarily their -ability- to really be empathic. i mean, patting someone on the back or hugging and sitting there when they talk and maybe even crying with them (what most people do) isn't the same thing as -understanding- and feeling some measure of what they're feeling.
people have different levels of barriers in this regard, i guess. personally.... i'm rather wide open to friends and strangers, though that's probably because most people don't really -know- (i guess you'd say i don't really have friends, heh, or maybe it's just hard for me to believe i do, i don't know). also... there's a difference between the one-off identification with a character and a singular experience of sharing in real life and something constant and prolonged or repetitive without a foreseeable frame or conclusion (which no story asks of you).
i find that i tend to be the "therapist friend" (or i try to be)-- that is, people unload on me all the time (if they're in my orbit at the time, which right now almost no one is). i have had a lot of depressed friends... and if they're having a flare-up or a spike, it's much easier to take some of it onto myself, to try and process it for them. but the depression doesn't lighten, and my understanding doesn't seem to -help- them. and then i see them the next day and the next, and it's the same. and i get worn out by this constant low-level buzz of discontent they still want to transfer onto someone else... they just talk and talk and talk and talk doesn't help. :/
what i mean is, the people close to the person get exhausted too, and begin to distance themselves, having to live in the vicinity, especially seeing how little they're making a difference even as they're drained. maybe that's just me though.