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mamadeb's essay on how `queer as folk' isn't slashy because it isn't transgressive rung pretty true to me, at least in terms (at least a good part of) -my- attraction to slash and particular pairings within and outside it, even. although the question of the identity shift that occurs when you realize you have these feelings that don't fit into the mold of who you always thought you were (and who society says you need to be) isn't very often actually -handled- in stories so much as explained away.
sigh. i've written a whole big post on this, but then lj ate it, so i suppose i'll try to reconstruct some of the main bits of it.
i like the idea of transformation, of a sudden discontinuity, whether by choice or not, and the effects that would have on one's conception of self. it's more interesting when it's a choice, i think. my favorite fairy tales have this theme pretty widespread-- man to swan, beast to beauty, human to changeling, prince to pauper. sometimes it's a choice-- as in, you go on a quest, and you leave your old self behind, and go in search of your True Destiny and what have you. what you are in the end is sort of still yourself, but changed, revealed to be Other in some significant way.
and i'm fascinated by this idea-- where it's not just that you fall in love with the Other, but that you discover that you -are- the Other. it's your typical hero's quest, really, isn't it? you start out being kind of wet clay-- you think you're just a peasant, living in an ordinary village, with a mum and a pop and 6 lazy brothers and 10 loud chickens. and then you hear The Call, and you make the choice, and you set out to realize that with every turn you make, you're leaving who you were further behind.
the question is, perhaps, whether you ever really -were- that person. to me, it's much more interesting if you were. there are several possibilities here-- especially if we're talking slash, and you discover this transgressive attraction to someone of the "wrong" sex. firstly, you can suppose continuity and say you were always bisexual. secondly, you can suppose a rift, and say you used to be straight, and aren't anymore (i didn't think this was really something that happened that much-- or at least i was put off by all the people who used the present to invalidate the past-- but ivy's post kind of changed my mind in that area). thirdly, you can say you were always in denial, and the continuity is there no matter what you clearly thought or felt before (which -could- happen, but is mostly offensive in light of an honest reading of most source material).
i love the existential issues that would arise if the past -was- real and then things change. like with spike, or angel-- you were what you were, until you decide to change that-- and, naturally, you can't really change everything-- or even the most important things. but that choice to follow a new path does have unique consequences. there's definitely an interesting interaction between who you are and what you merely act like. a spike with a soul has a different set of options, and acts different in some ways but the same in most ways, to when he had the chip, anyway. the question of whether he -is- the same, or is in fact "different", is a more difficult one than it at first appears, i think.
there's a similar dynamic i can see happening with draco, which is a big reason why i like him so much as a character (especially tied in with -slashing- him-- especially with harry, which piles on yet more transgressions and impossibilities and boundaries neither was meant to cross). a lot of writers just say he was never as he appeared (either straight -or- a complete useless sort of bastard). so really, him being with harry is then not really a discontinuity, not so much a transgression as a "righting" of something that's wrong-- ie, their conflict in the first place.
maybe this is natural, because it's got to be hard to write about people changing on any sort of basic level. i don't even know myself if people -can- change. but, i think, in a way, slash is all about that. taking something "unnatural" and fusing it with the natural-- walking the razor's edge where desire and need can dictate reality. this is a big reason why magic in general attracts me so much. there is definitely a magic in the idea of love as an act of will, and consequently a sort of semi-conscious creation of self.
i say semi-conscious because i don't mean to imply that anyone is likely to wake up one day and decide that falling in love/lust with the wrongest person ever is a patently Great Idea. but maybe it doesn't matter why you do it-- just that you do it. maybe you just can't help yourself, but you -want- to. i don't know. in a way, that's why slash stories that end with the characters falling back into old patterns, going back to being who they were, feel so deeply wrong to me. because this choice,this change, is so irrevocable and profound-- and i'm talking about an attraction, a love between these two characters, because if you take it outside of two particular characters, you just have a "realization" of some sort of generality like, "i like boys", which has never meant all that much all by itself.
this sort of makes me think of my little fantasy world, where draco doesn't have to have been "good" or always pretending, or always infatuated with harry, in order to become something outside the boundaries of his former self. i think my ideal fanfic would be an in-depth look into this ultimate transgression & transformation of draco malfoy. i don't know if i'm saying i want him to be "redeemed"-- i just want to see a character realistically in conflict with himself, and see him grow from within that conflict.
like,what really happens when nothing works the way it's supposed to anymore? what happens when the rules don't apply? what happens when the map runs out and you just see, "here be dragons"? i suppose that is what i hope fantasy could be, and also what i hope love could be, too.
~~
and yah, because i can never seem to stop while i'm ahead:
disclaimer: not mine.
~~~Synthesis~~~~
Draco was the antithesis of what Harry should have wanted, but that hadn't stopped them, until it did.
When he'd said, "So are you staying or going?" Harry just stared.
It wasn't like he had a choice. It wasn’t like he wanted one.
"Which do you want me to be?"
It was an either or question, but Harry realized he wanted choice number three.
The theory was, he was leaving.
Draco had come without asking. Harry should leave the same way.
Standing there, Harry realized he was waiting for an answer.
“The one who’s going to stay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
mamadeb's essay on how `queer as folk' isn't slashy because it isn't transgressive rung pretty true to me, at least in terms (at least a good part of) -my- attraction to slash and particular pairings within and outside it, even. although the question of the identity shift that occurs when you realize you have these feelings that don't fit into the mold of who you always thought you were (and who society says you need to be) isn't very often actually -handled- in stories so much as explained away.sigh. i've written a whole big post on this, but then lj ate it, so i suppose i'll try to reconstruct some of the main bits of it.
i like the idea of transformation, of a sudden discontinuity, whether by choice or not, and the effects that would have on one's conception of self. it's more interesting when it's a choice, i think. my favorite fairy tales have this theme pretty widespread-- man to swan, beast to beauty, human to changeling, prince to pauper. sometimes it's a choice-- as in, you go on a quest, and you leave your old self behind, and go in search of your True Destiny and what have you. what you are in the end is sort of still yourself, but changed, revealed to be Other in some significant way.
and i'm fascinated by this idea-- where it's not just that you fall in love with the Other, but that you discover that you -are- the Other. it's your typical hero's quest, really, isn't it? you start out being kind of wet clay-- you think you're just a peasant, living in an ordinary village, with a mum and a pop and 6 lazy brothers and 10 loud chickens. and then you hear The Call, and you make the choice, and you set out to realize that with every turn you make, you're leaving who you were further behind.
the question is, perhaps, whether you ever really -were- that person. to me, it's much more interesting if you were. there are several possibilities here-- especially if we're talking slash, and you discover this transgressive attraction to someone of the "wrong" sex. firstly, you can suppose continuity and say you were always bisexual. secondly, you can suppose a rift, and say you used to be straight, and aren't anymore (i didn't think this was really something that happened that much-- or at least i was put off by all the people who used the present to invalidate the past-- but ivy's post kind of changed my mind in that area). thirdly, you can say you were always in denial, and the continuity is there no matter what you clearly thought or felt before (which -could- happen, but is mostly offensive in light of an honest reading of most source material).
i love the existential issues that would arise if the past -was- real and then things change. like with spike, or angel-- you were what you were, until you decide to change that-- and, naturally, you can't really change everything-- or even the most important things. but that choice to follow a new path does have unique consequences. there's definitely an interesting interaction between who you are and what you merely act like. a spike with a soul has a different set of options, and acts different in some ways but the same in most ways, to when he had the chip, anyway. the question of whether he -is- the same, or is in fact "different", is a more difficult one than it at first appears, i think.
there's a similar dynamic i can see happening with draco, which is a big reason why i like him so much as a character (especially tied in with -slashing- him-- especially with harry, which piles on yet more transgressions and impossibilities and boundaries neither was meant to cross). a lot of writers just say he was never as he appeared (either straight -or- a complete useless sort of bastard). so really, him being with harry is then not really a discontinuity, not so much a transgression as a "righting" of something that's wrong-- ie, their conflict in the first place.
maybe this is natural, because it's got to be hard to write about people changing on any sort of basic level. i don't even know myself if people -can- change. but, i think, in a way, slash is all about that. taking something "unnatural" and fusing it with the natural-- walking the razor's edge where desire and need can dictate reality. this is a big reason why magic in general attracts me so much. there is definitely a magic in the idea of love as an act of will, and consequently a sort of semi-conscious creation of self.
i say semi-conscious because i don't mean to imply that anyone is likely to wake up one day and decide that falling in love/lust with the wrongest person ever is a patently Great Idea. but maybe it doesn't matter why you do it-- just that you do it. maybe you just can't help yourself, but you -want- to. i don't know. in a way, that's why slash stories that end with the characters falling back into old patterns, going back to being who they were, feel so deeply wrong to me. because this choice,this change, is so irrevocable and profound-- and i'm talking about an attraction, a love between these two characters, because if you take it outside of two particular characters, you just have a "realization" of some sort of generality like, "i like boys", which has never meant all that much all by itself.
this sort of makes me think of my little fantasy world, where draco doesn't have to have been "good" or always pretending, or always infatuated with harry, in order to become something outside the boundaries of his former self. i think my ideal fanfic would be an in-depth look into this ultimate transgression & transformation of draco malfoy. i don't know if i'm saying i want him to be "redeemed"-- i just want to see a character realistically in conflict with himself, and see him grow from within that conflict.
like,what really happens when nothing works the way it's supposed to anymore? what happens when the rules don't apply? what happens when the map runs out and you just see, "here be dragons"? i suppose that is what i hope fantasy could be, and also what i hope love could be, too.
~~
and yah, because i can never seem to stop while i'm ahead:
disclaimer: not mine.
~~~Synthesis~~~~
Draco was the antithesis of what Harry should have wanted, but that hadn't stopped them, until it did.
When he'd said, "So are you staying or going?" Harry just stared.
It wasn't like he had a choice. It wasn’t like he wanted one.
"Which do you want me to be?"
It was an either or question, but Harry realized he wanted choice number three.
The theory was, he was leaving.
Draco had come without asking. Harry should leave the same way.
Standing there, Harry realized he was waiting for an answer.
“The one who’s going to stay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
