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reenkaAll right, so....
How is one meant to deal with people's stupidity without actually biting their head off and/or becoming a bitter bitch who hates everyone--?
I mean, I love everyone (er, in theory-- well, I mean, non-practically speaking... yes, this makes sense to me okay) and am patient (when it's just about thought), just... all from afar. Very, very far. When faced with actual folly, I blow up and have the urge to start yelling, even worse because I actually am a quiet person who never yells. *sigh*
I know most people would just accept it. "Oh look, people are just being dense again, tralala who cares, onwards to the next manga." And... I dunno why it always strikes me again and again, as if it's never occurred to me before. Of course, this is the secret to my happiness as well, because I can easily re-experience joy for the first time also.
I want to yell about how stupid people are, but really, I am aware I'm the one who's being stupid here. I just want impossible things. I want people to think more, and... I dunno, I want them to not hurt my brain by following their logic. Really, what needs to change here is me, not them, because it's not their responsibility to make my brain feel more comfortable, but. I just. This is why I avoid people, I guess... so easily frustrated.... No way of reconciling my own level of understanding with a lesser one without going bonkers. Also why I sort of lose it if I'm misunderstood too much. I should never be a teacher.
Ironically, of course I have an internship/job at the design office at campus teaching an html workshop. *facepalm* And I hope you understand, none of this is actually intended to mean I'm certain I'm right-- just that regardless of what I theoretically know is possible or likely (ie, that I'm at least partly wrong and the other people may also have a point I'm not acknowledging though usually I -see- it, dammit, behind the huge error they'd made), my gut reactions remain.
I mean, my last boyfriend, my biggest issue with him was that he didn't automatically 'get' everything about me, and... I mean, he got 95% of everything which is more than most people get by far, and yet it wasn't enough. Really maybe I'm just high-strung -.-
Perhaps this sort of easily set-off attitude actually comes through unintentionally on lj and this is why people think I'm scary and/or don't talk to me that much. Or something. *sigh* Yeah, that's probably true, isn't it. I mean, I don't precisely -hide- that I'm hard on certain things/ideas (though I swear, it's people's ideas that piss me off, nothing personal-- I really do separate people & ideas even if other people don't)-- so I guess maybe I come off as threatening/annoying but not in a direct enough way so that people would confront me but are rather okay just avoiding me as I avoid them. Er. Or maybe I'm overthinking it. Again. ^^;;;;
I mean, I don't think I'm intolerant, really. I just see faulty reasoning, no matter -what- the actual thought is, and react as if burnt. It's not like I can't be disagreed with-- that'd be easier to filter for, if anything, 'cause I could be more careful to only talk to people I agree with (to actually be elitist). But the problem is actually that it doesn't matter if I agree with you or not, if you seem to miss -seeing- (not agreeing with-- that doesn't matter) a point I think is important. It's that 'not seeing' that drives me insane. When I see and others don't see. It's like red cloth to a bull. A very silent yet stewing bull who avoids the red cloth altogether and goes home to rant. That would be me.
Somehow, I don't think expressing my feelings out loud to the people involved is the answer, 'cause then people -would- actually hate me and it would be no use anyway. Le sigh.
How is one meant to deal with people's stupidity without actually biting their head off and/or becoming a bitter bitch who hates everyone--?
I mean, I love everyone (er, in theory-- well, I mean, non-practically speaking... yes, this makes sense to me okay) and am patient (when it's just about thought), just... all from afar. Very, very far. When faced with actual folly, I blow up and have the urge to start yelling, even worse because I actually am a quiet person who never yells. *sigh*
I know most people would just accept it. "Oh look, people are just being dense again, tralala who cares, onwards to the next manga." And... I dunno why it always strikes me again and again, as if it's never occurred to me before. Of course, this is the secret to my happiness as well, because I can easily re-experience joy for the first time also.
I want to yell about how stupid people are, but really, I am aware I'm the one who's being stupid here. I just want impossible things. I want people to think more, and... I dunno, I want them to not hurt my brain by following their logic. Really, what needs to change here is me, not them, because it's not their responsibility to make my brain feel more comfortable, but. I just. This is why I avoid people, I guess... so easily frustrated.... No way of reconciling my own level of understanding with a lesser one without going bonkers. Also why I sort of lose it if I'm misunderstood too much. I should never be a teacher.
Ironically, of course I have an internship/job at the design office at campus teaching an html workshop. *facepalm* And I hope you understand, none of this is actually intended to mean I'm certain I'm right-- just that regardless of what I theoretically know is possible or likely (ie, that I'm at least partly wrong and the other people may also have a point I'm not acknowledging though usually I -see- it, dammit, behind the huge error they'd made), my gut reactions remain.
I mean, my last boyfriend, my biggest issue with him was that he didn't automatically 'get' everything about me, and... I mean, he got 95% of everything which is more than most people get by far, and yet it wasn't enough. Really maybe I'm just high-strung -.-
Perhaps this sort of easily set-off attitude actually comes through unintentionally on lj and this is why people think I'm scary and/or don't talk to me that much. Or something. *sigh* Yeah, that's probably true, isn't it. I mean, I don't precisely -hide- that I'm hard on certain things/ideas (though I swear, it's people's ideas that piss me off, nothing personal-- I really do separate people & ideas even if other people don't)-- so I guess maybe I come off as threatening/annoying but not in a direct enough way so that people would confront me but are rather okay just avoiding me as I avoid them. Er. Or maybe I'm overthinking it. Again. ^^;;;;
I mean, I don't think I'm intolerant, really. I just see faulty reasoning, no matter -what- the actual thought is, and react as if burnt. It's not like I can't be disagreed with-- that'd be easier to filter for, if anything, 'cause I could be more careful to only talk to people I agree with (to actually be elitist). But the problem is actually that it doesn't matter if I agree with you or not, if you seem to miss -seeing- (not agreeing with-- that doesn't matter) a point I think is important. It's that 'not seeing' that drives me insane. When I see and others don't see. It's like red cloth to a bull. A very silent yet stewing bull who avoids the red cloth altogether and goes home to rant. That would be me.
Somehow, I don't think expressing my feelings out loud to the people involved is the answer, 'cause then people -would- actually hate me and it would be no use anyway. Le sigh.
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Date: 2005-11-09 04:11 am (UTC)When you put it like that-- as a problem with people 'not seeing things how I see'-- that disturbs me a lot more because, well, I don't have a problem with differing opinions or beliefs, y'know? I'm pretty laid back about reconciling contradictory beliefs within myself, forget others. It is merely awareness I'm after, though that's trickier to define; at least, that's what I mean by 'seeing'. The lines do blur, of course-- like, I get enraged by prejudice and such and want to punch people and that's disagreeing with opinions, now isn't it....
I know what you mean about letting people have 'the experience', however; in fact, it's my deep appreciation of my utter inability to convince people that leads me to be so frustrated and morose. In the end, I'm not a confrontational person anyway, so I -wouldn't- confront unless I was 100% certain it would help or 100% pissed off beyond all belief (and... that like, never happens-- and thank god, I haven't yet gone insane and killed anyone, either-- yeah, it's the quiet ones, ahahah). So for me, it's frustration with powerlessness and my own uselessness as much as anything-- and I know it takes patience, and of course patience is one of those things I have for anything -but- dealing with people in large quantities. As in, I can be pretty good with just one person when there's no serious conflict, but beyond that....
In the end, I feel I'd -like- to help people a lot, but at the same time-- my main motivation is so they'd stop bothering me with their faulty thinking-- as I said, it literally hurts me, burns me, affects me. My main feeling is just 'OOOWWW, MY BRAAAIIN, make it stop!!!' rather than 'I want to help', though that's also in there, y'know?
I do try to speak tolerantly/politely/calmly to the point that I -can't- confront people, though, and that in itself is what drives me up the wall. You -can- blow up and -actively- have to learn to hold yourself back, whereas I'm so used to holding myself back that it'd be a heroic trial for me to actually speak out in any remotely confrontational way, y'know? I'm always trapped by myself into a sort of passive resistance and avoidance, so basically people drive me insane without ever realizing it, or if they realize it, they don't know -just- how passionate I am feeling. So we're coming at this from opposite (complementary) sides, I think~:)