Date: 2007-08-15 06:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, I thought you meant reading H/D! Now -that-, I don't do :> I haven't brought up the during-all-7-years idea but we SHOULD. We totally should. It seems more right somehow. Hm.

Y'know, I totally think I don't have any H/D in me either, and I haven't since HBP... so I just want to finish and release them in order to not exist in this half-state where I'm 'free' but I'm not, y'know? I think moving past things can be healthy, but only if you said goodbye and yet not-goodbye (because it's still in you!)... if you know what I mean. If you've settled your accounts & tied up loose ends, I think it feels good, even if it's scary and seems like it wouldn't. At least, that's been my operating philosophy.

I haven't finished all these H/D fics for ages, and they're just on my mind a lot. I dunno if it's the same for you, but. I'm not normally like that with original fic (ie, if I don't finish it, it doesn't matter), but with these... on the one hand, I've been procrastinating because on some level I feel 'still a part of it' and still like it's... a better story than it would be if it's finished. This way it's a little 'still in my head' and in my head things are always better than on paper. No one can really judge it, either, 'cause it's not done. If I wanna feel my old post-OoTP is way more awesome than anyone can imagine, I can, though then I look at it again, and I cringe at all the run on sentences :>

So I definitely get where you're coming from. As long as I didn't want to let go, I kept holding off on finishing them, and it's not like finishing anything comes naturally anyway, and it's not like most people care one way or the other, and this way I get to feel my fics are sekritly better than all of theirs :> But if and when I do want to move on, I just think it'd be a lot easier if things are done and living on without me in fandom, my little memorial garden of sorts. I can even revisit them then, growing wild without me, as a memorial to that time in my life. And the more I put it off, the more I'll feel distant from my own fics, too, I think. They'll become more an appendix decomposing in a drawer and less a garden growing on its own, y'know? Though the earlier you let a story go (ie, the more vital it still is to you), the more difficult it is. But if I wait till it's no longer important, I dunno if I could finish/edit it or if I could post something I thought was 'meh'. I've reached that point with some fics I've procrastinated on but loved, before-- now that I read them, I don't see anything that special about them, though I remember why they involved effort at the time. My Draco deathfic is one example; it was so important to me to write it, and it just needs minor edits-- when I wrote it 4 years ago-- but now it's just one deathfic out of dozens and who cares, right? Maya liked it, though. I remember being happy with my Harry progression, his caring about dying!Draco, really seeing him... but it's not a present emotion. It's a dried up garden. I don't want that to happen to any story I cared about, really. They're sad, pitiful things when no one cares about them, especially their creator, y'know.

Hahah, it's not like I'm about to write any new H/D either (after all this time!) but the S/L + Dumblewald is CALLING ME D:
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reenka

October 2007

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