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Here we go, last part! AT LAST!!

I think I'm only doing this out of sheer bull-headed stubbornness now, but oh wellz. Some of it is pretty embarrassing doting and wibbling and squeeing-- okay, all of it. So like, there's no reason to read it for anyone but me. Disclaimer-disclaimer. :P Yes, I am in fact a dork & a basketcase. *facepalm* BUT I STARTED SO NOW I HAVE TO FINISH. Or, at least, I have, because I'm OCD like that ><;


Heehee maaaan is Snape/Lily similar to [fanony!] H/D or WHAT? Ah well, parallels again, eh?

[Whether or not it's hitting quite the same buttons as angsty!H/D had at one point, I'm feeling so supremely nostalgic about Marauder-era Snape/Lily right now, it's not even funny-- the more I think about and find stuff online like this oddly canon-based post-OoTP S/L manifesto and this really moving & pretty IC fanficcy S/L fanmix and the MWPP mix (with both J/L & S/L drabble bits), I'm just-- I'm a mess. ;___; And then I found another Snape + Lily mix, more directly canon-based. ;___; And there's a really REALLY angsty one with really awesome song-titles :(( THIS MUCH ANGST CAN'T BE GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH. :O

Out on the road today, I saw a black flag sticker on a cadillac
A little voice inside my head said, "don’t look back. you can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-

I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin’ in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone

*cries*

WAHHHHHHHHHH. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH IT'S RIDICULOUS. And as much as I love the Dumbledore backstory, the renewed love for the Marauders + Lily & Snape is a lot more intense and emotionally raw at this point. Aah. Especially that Snape/Lily fanmix really did it for me. And I knew-- I knew!!-- lots of people in fandom would sneer at Snape/Lily even or especially Snape fans, but... to me it's so perfect, like Gellert being Dumbly's friend. I finally have an angle on Snape, too, so... yeah, I can probably write him now, at long last. ARE YOU ALL AFRAID?? HAHAHAHAHAHA.

For some reason I'm remembering this sad 70s British gay movie that I'd projected Remus/Sirius onto at the time-- who knows why, it had a messed up friendship-- and I just, I can see them so vividly in London listening to the Beatles and Remus wearing those tweed jackets and Sirius being a jackass as they all get drunk but Wormtail isn't there and Lily meeting Snape secretly but he's an asshole to her to drive her away, and. All that love and regret and loyalty and betrayal, aaahhhhh. :(( I can't even remotely articulate it, but I just feel like the last piece fell into place, and I finally get Snape and. :(( I don't see why everyone keeps repeating this doesn't make him a 'good person' or he's 'still a creepy pathetic little man' or whatever. Love doesn't make you 'good' or selfless; it just makes you human. Love is a way in, and for the one who feels it there may be no way out, but it doesn't make the other person stay.

Somehow it's a lot more intense with music, and omg The Beatles and Smashing Pumpkins' 1979 and... oh man. It breaks my heart into tiny little pieces and I just love it. It's not the same without the Marauders, of course, but adding Snape/Lily into -that- angst pile and setting it in Britain in the 70s just sends me over the edge, srsly. A big part of me wants to write a S/R, J/L, S/L with J/S undertones angst wartime and some Marauder stuff epic like OMFG. A LOT. I feel like it would really challenge me as a writer, since I can't go over the top or sex it up like crazy, so it'd have to be... y'know, naturalist/realistic. But OMG AAAH. They're all dead now and somehow that just gives me a kick into writing them. It'd have to have several povs-- Lily, Remus and Snape. AAAAAH. NO I MUST NOT THINK THESE CRAZY THINGS AAAAH. That is the kind of stuff I wish I could write, for real; I'm just thinking of those awesome wartime!S/R epics like Prufrock's Levity series and how I almost feel like I can write my response to that except with a much more gennish MWPP pov and, y'know, AHAHAHAH CANON S/L BITS. YESSsss. Ah, I can't really write it, I can just feel it, but it's so multifaceted and complicated it sort of makes my eyes swirl. *wibble*

...Okay, now I've left the realm of reacting even vaguely to canon and am clearly just kind of getting lost in fanon that doesn't actually exist. If there's one thing I love it's hopeless relationships between messed up deeply flawed people that sort of edge between friendship and love and obsession, and oh man. I'll stop now.]


Omg, wee!Sirius & wee!James <3333333333 Aaaah!
--

"Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed all right."
Sirius grinned. ♥
--

Aaah, that is why Voldy didn't want to kill Lily!! Finally it makes sense; it's not like he's got a problem killing Mudbloods, so I always thought it was odd. And yeay, it's amazing how fanficcy this all seems, but that just means we all asw it in the books-- or a lot of people did, anyway.
--

"Would you like me to do it now," asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"
<33333 Oh Snape ♥
--

Also: it is meaningful, then, that at the moment of Snape's death, Harry's green eyes (like his mother's) are the last thing Snape sees.

["Look at me... look at my eyes... look at my sexy, smoldering Slytherin eyes, Harry......"]
--

"In looks, perhaps, but his deepest nature is much more like his mother's."
<3333 *cries*

Oh god. Harry. And how both Lily & Harry did like the Half-blood Prince in their own ways, once upon a time. His eyes, just like his mother's-- his mother, whose love was so pure it saved him from the Death curse. ♥

[This actually seems really soppy in retrospect. *sigh* I've seen people say that James got shafted by that comparison, which I think is pretty hilarious. Anyway, that's why Dumbledore said 'deepest nature', 'cause obviously he's a lot like James, but has qualities James didn't. Oh fandom, haha.]
--

Ah, it makes sense-- it's painful for both Harry & Voldy to share each other's mind, though for different reasons.

Also: oh Severus. I'm sure people will complain about this chapter as simplistic, much like they did re: HBP!Tom (which I'd enjoyed), but just like every other part of the Potterverse, it has its essential nature & place and purpose, which had been set and hinted at from the start. People might wish Snape was this or that instead-- more complicated, more sophisticated, less driven by pure emotions like love and loyalty & resentment, but in context, this is (I think) what makes most sense to me.

I always liked Snape/Lily & Snape's respect and admiration for Dumbledore, who appreciates him-- and I always saw the raw emotional core in him. It always had to be strong emotion, in the end, that turned him, because Snape has his deepest roots in intense, long-inkubating feelings [though, I mean, he's obviously 'a rationalist' as that manifesto called him... that's why I said deepest roots]. He's not the purely rational supercool guy fandom makes him-- he merely controls it, just as Harry learned to, just like Dumbledore does, just like Remus and just like [...ugh] Voldemort, too.
--

Damn. Harry really is a Horcrux.

YOU WIN, FANDOM. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? D: D:

I thought it was too cheesy, but mostly I thought there's no way she'd kill Harry-- that was always obvious to me. If I hadn't been spoiled for all the deaths besides Crabbe, Lupin, Dobby & Hedwig, I'd be worried right now. But I still can't see Harry really kicking it; I just hadn't considered that Harry would have to find a way around that, even if-- at worst-- he -is- a Horcrux.

It does explain their connection, obviously, yeah.
--

It's so cute how outraged Snape is at Dumbledore's suggestion that he'd grown to care for Harry. Aww. Hehe.

[Here's my favorite "Always!" fanart so far, btw.]

Aaand-- yeah, Dumbledore justifies everyone's mistrust big time. :/ Whoah. But, I mean, I can see where he saw no other way out, and I -still- think he did love Harry. Which perhaps makes it worse. Hmm. Well. If Harry can forgive him, then I can as well. It's pretty creepy though, yeah. Haha, even Snape is outraged. ♥
--

So "neither can live while the other survives" means just what I initially guessed-- they both must die. Except. Well. I STILL don't see how she'll kill off Harry. So. This is where the Hallows come in!! :D Easy shmeasy. Harry Potter cheats death, try #2 :D
--

Yeah, I -am- pretty pissed at Dumbledore & his blasted "greater good". He never did get over that. *sigh* Poor Harry. ♥ Well, just like Dumbledore wanted, at least he's ready to hear it now. -.-
--

It's painful, because I know Dumbledore is a good person ut he doesn't contradict Snape when he says, "You have used me," only asking what he meant. Dumbledore knows the price of the things he does. "Secrets and lies." Which is where Harry must transcend Dumbledore & tell someone other than Ron & Hermione maybe??

[Heh. I love it when I'm right. Go go Neville!!]
--

Poor Snape. He never got anything he wanted; at least Sirius had a shitty life, but people loved him, and same with Remus, who I think overcame a number of his inner demons when Harry bludgeoned him into accepting himself as the baby's father. Remus broke the cycle, but Snape just died for his so-called 'good deed' for the other side. At least Harry will now forgive him (probably), but I don't know how much Snape would've actually wanted that; he wanted respect and trust from his equals or betters, not pity or forgiveness, except-- significantly!-- from Lily. Lily, who judged him rahter than forgiving him [not that I don't get why she felt the way she did], and whom he tried to please, on some level, awkwardly as a stone seeps water, for the rest of his life.
--

Ah, so that's why Snape was so insistent on finding Harry-- following Dumbledore's orders to the bitter, bloody end. Oh Snape. ♥ Though honestly, he didn't do as well as he could've, protecting the children of Hogwarts as Headmaster.

[But I guess that ties in him only doing all this to follow Dumbledore's direct orders and to protect Lily's child, whereas in general he's still kind of morally questionable... or is he?]
--

"Lately, only those whom I could not save," said Snape.
[When Dumbledore kinda brought up that point himself.]
--

--and that, perhaps that right there is why it's not any more tragic for Snape to die than for Remus. Because-- wow. Because always and already, Severus.
--

Snape had been redeemed, and fully worthy of Lily's trust. He did it. I wonder if he knew. ♥
--

The silver doe! I was right! :D Score 10 for team Luna(cy) :D Uh, I was right that it was supposed to represent Lily, but seeing as it's Snape's Patronus (HEH), I, uh, totally didn't see that one coming, so. Um. yeah. Minus 5 for team Lunacy :(

Which makes the sword the only way Snape helped Harry the whole book (so far). Booo. :P heehee
--

Okay, it's kinda creepy Dumbledore's still orchestrating things even as a portrait. I'm glad Harry didn't see him as he came in. That said, I'm feeling quite smug for believing in JKR re: the apparent flip-flop from raging-at-Dumbledore!Harry to Dumbledore's-Man-through-and-through!Harry in HBP. It's also funny how he criticized Scrimgeour's methods when Dumbledore's own methods do bear question. *sigh* Poor Harry.

Ah, so it wasn't just the sword. Kinda creepy how Snape went along with it all. Poor Snapey. ♥

Haha not that he'd want my sympathy, so-- amazing, uber-competent Snapey. :>
--

Snape's sorta slavish hopeless obsession with Lily-- like his endless resentments-- is so pure & strong, it's really adorable. That a grown man would sneak a page of an old, old letter! ♥ And of course it was Snape in Grimmauld-- in retrospect, who else could it have been?

And he tells Nigellus not to use 'Mudblood'. Man. It's like he grew more smitten with every passing year, even with her dead. o_0 Or, you know, he could've had a total change of heart, like Dumbledore. I think it was probably a mixture of both. :>
--

Seeing Dumbledore spelling all those things out to poor Snapey is just embarrassing, like seeing an old guy naked, but... worse. ^^;;
--

Oh baby. ♥ Lying there contemplating his inevitable death. Baby. :(( Noooo, FIGHT IT, HARRY! There's always a way!!

For the first time, I'm really glad of spoilers; surely, SURELY they'd tell me if Harry died if they mentioned Tonks and Moody and Fred and Voldy. But even so, right now I'm miserable and very anxious, unable to trust in happy endings or a million babies with Ginny, which I'd take ANY DAY over Harry actually being a pig at slaughter.
--

I think telling Neville will be central-- a crucial deviation from Dumbledore's secrets and his plan, an extra trust. And he does it instinctively, in a way that Dumbledore would never do & didn't quite understand about Harry-- no matter how brave and loyal, he'd never been able to just follow directions straightforwardly, like Snape. It has to make sense to him on a deeper level. Harry, in the end, is his own man, and he trusts his friends and he has his mother's eyes and her spirit-- as much as and much more than Voldemort's, and in the end that has to save him. It has to.
--

"He must be like Dumbledore, keep a cool head"
--

Oh Harry. BABY. You're so much better-- you're nothing like either Voldemort or Dumbledore. You're free of them if you choose to be. FREE, Harry. ♥ *cries* this is excruciating.

[he wants] ..."to be dragged back, to be sent back home...."
..."He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys"

:(( Haaaarryy... *clings*
*grabs her Harry plushie* :(

I will not forgive you if you kill him, JKR. I will not forgive you.

..."and their presence was his courage" :((
Perhaps he won't die if he gives up willingly, trusting in a higher purpose? Not for himself, but for others?
--

When Harry thinks inexplicably of Ginny and her "blazing look" & of kissing her, that is like, the only time this whole book I really -felt- the H/G. -.- Hard to be afraid now, the next chapter's on the opposite page facing me. :> But man, yeah, I was scared.
--

I always said-- or at least thought-- that it was ridiculous that all those fanfics had Harry maim his soul & go against his nature (even Snape's nature!) and outright Avada Kedavra'ing Voldemort. I thought that was ridiculous in the context of JKR's books & world.

And I'd just like to take this moment to say I was right! And also, I told you so. :P
--

...um, is the small wailing child Riddle? o_0
--

Ah! The blood! The "gleam of triumph" from book 4. :>
--

Harry reassuring Dumbledore he's not like Voldemort-- "Hallows, not Horcruxes"-- is so painful, like the cave in HBP. *sigh* "a small boy caught in wrongdoing" is so-- I dunno-- Gryffindor of Albus, though. :> Oh, I do love him.

I love the literalness of the connection between Dumbledore & Voldemort, though, after all of JKR's critics going on about it as if they were so easily & totally undermining the underpinnings of the books rather than merely, y'know, -noticing- them. :P
--

Also, Albus "being infuriating" is rather cute & an interesting evolution of Harry's relationship to him. Much more healthy than Snape's neediness and resentment & -obedience-.
--

Dumbledore & his 'power' thing (like Harry & his 'saving people' thing) and the weakness, etc, reminds me of Gandalf, hehe.
--

Heeheehee 'Harry Potter: MASTER OF DEATH!!' D:
--

Well, I'd take an "iron-clad punch" over death any day. :>

Heehee Narcissa!! <3<3<3 She cracked (...sorta) before Draco did. Awesome.
--

Oh my GAHD, I'm writing a NOVEL. -.-;;
--

Aaaanyway-- hee! Neville, the little boy that could ♥ Sort of like a fierce, yippy dog. ♥

Ahaha, I can only imagine how people felt seeing dead!Harry jump up & pull on the Cloak :)) First things first, you know. :>

Aww, Neville a True Gryffindor, pullng the sword; and btw, of course Ron (as the Knight) would use it rather than Harry-- but, uh, how did it get there? o_0

Anyway, gooooo Neville the Snake Killer! Everyone gets their turn! :D
--

Aww, good ol' Horace came through. ♥ In his pajamas, no less. Because every self-respecting Slytherin needs a good pair of pajamas. ♥

AHAHA KREACHER! LOVE! :D

Man. The house-elves' faces "alive with malice" is... er, super-creepy >__>

...Mrs Weasley? Also scary. :>

Harry sure knows how to make an entrance. Hee. That's my boy! ♥ Though I wish he'd stop 'roaring' and 'bellowing'; what kinda lungs is he supposed to have, anyway? -.- [Though it's cute, heheh.]
--

I'm sorry, I"m sorry, it's a very intense scene & I'm all at the edge of my seat (not really, I mean, who cares, Harry's okay)-- but when it says,

"Voldemort's hand was trembling on the Elder Wand, and Harry gripped Draco's very tightly."

-- I mean... I couldn't help it, could I? WHO COULD RESIST A JOKE THAT BAD, I ASK YOU?? *facepalm* Oh, JKR. Aaalmost had it. :))
--

HOLY BLEEDING FUCK! DRACO MALFOY AS THE 'TRUE MASTER of the Elder Wand'??!!! D: D: D: D:

Didn't see -that- one coming. Poor Ron. :))

Ooopsie, not quite. BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO. FUCKING. COOL. D: AU, people!!
--

I do so love the twistiness, btw, and how it all makes sense. And how Harry's a badass. Aaand how clever & instinctive Harry is <3. EAT IT, HARRY'S-DENSE PEOPLE!! :O
--

Hahaha, wasn't I spoiled for Hagrid's death?? But Hagrid's not dead. See? It was a Weasley. Like I told Amalin, Hagrid needs to be there to welcome the first years. :>
--

Of course-- of course, after all the celebration & the noise, Harry needs Luna. <3
--

And Harry's wand!! Alive again! I am very happy. <3 It's so... right. *happy sigh*

And with the simplest of spells, too. [One of the first he learned! Awww.] <3

Wah. And he goes back to sleep in Gryffindor Tower! Aww. <3<3<3 And thinking of Kreacher's sandwiches!! LOVE.


--

...And now, for the much dreaded Epilogue. Just how many babies -are- there that you hate so much, fandom? :P

...All right, uh, I really wish he didn't name them after his dead parents, but. Erm. Lotsa people do? Uh? Only three. Eh. Sissies. :>

And I think it's not so bad, ending as it began <3 Cycles, and first years & Hogwarts again, always, always Hogwarts. <3 I wonder if Hagrid is still there?

"If you're not in Gryffindor, we'll disinherit you"--
hee <3<3 aww, I'm a sap.

And everyone was moaning about it! Weenies!!! D:

This is traditional enough, ever since Peter Pan! :P

HAHAHA SCORPIUS! WTF! HAHA RECEDING HAIR! <3

Awesome. Well, this fits JKR's overall theme of repetition across generations and 'as things change, so they stay the same', y'all realize that, right? :> Haha poor gay Draco & his poor unfortunately-named son.

"My name's Scorpius. Scorpius Malfoy. Think my name's funny, do you?" :>
--
& will he equally unfortunately fall in love with Rose, ya think? :>

...Too bad Draco never did get his redemption. Just like JKR said, he wouldn't work with Harry. But hey, that's what AU fanfic's for. ♥

All this time I was afraid she'd just told what happened straight out, in a detailed & dry fashion. o_0 That would've been bad. This, fandom, is what's called cute & in-character, too. *facepalm*

No 100089734 babiez, no dry narration, no detailing every moment & er, detail-- this is just & it fits [so I'm counting my blessings]. And thus goes my (I'm sure) not too welcome opinion. :D

And: Albus Severus ♥


Oh Harry Potter.

I love you.

Date: 2007-07-29 03:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amalin.livejournal.com
I don't think AUs are cheating, or H/Hr, etc., I think everything-but-the-epilogue feels like cheating to me. In my head, if you're writing five years after Voldemort dies, he's going to get with Ginny soon. I mean, I'll read those fics, of course! I just feel weird writing them, like I'm choosing everything but the part I don't want to count.

Anyway, it makes things feel DOOMED TO H/G EVENTUALLY, hahaha. GOD. WHY.

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