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[personal profile] reenka
Okay, so reading this really stupid gag incest strip made me think that, y'know (that specific context aside), for a lot of girls it's not that unusual to either accept or fantasize about themselves as natural 'bottoms' or 'receivers' or... what have you. Even if it's supposedly 'not okay' from a feminist or 'modern woman' pov, obviously a lot of women still have a kink about the Alpha/dominant male, basically. And I can actually empathize with that insofar as I like (fictional) bastards, somewhat on the Alpha side. It's just....

It seems like the more I read yaoi/slash with the Alpha bastards, the less I seem to be able to tolerate fantasizing or imagining any situation where a female is on the other side, to the point where it starts to actively turn me way way off (and yet I'm still not actually attracted/that interested in 'sensitive guys' in stories or romantically in a personal sense). I mean, either extreme is unsexy to me, but with slash I'm a lot more relaxed. I'm not saying anything against other people's fantasies, mind you, just my own reactions. I totally think that reading slash and specifically so much extreme seme/uke-dynamic yaoi made me uber-sensitive to any so-called 'seme/uke dynamic' in an actual m/f relationship, and that just seems degrading on a visceral level in a way it hadn't before.

I think it's like, it's fine if I read super!uke being dominated by super!seme sexually, at least ('cause total control & wimpy characters = boring storyline), 'cause basically no matter how heteronormative these stories get, they're still not actually het, so one assumes the uke had a choice and also that the seme isn't just being an asshole, necessarily. It's really hard to be both het and a male dom and not come off as an asshole, or like... someone who's a little more advanced than a Stone Age cave-dweller. It's like, I can see objectively that it's all about perspective-- like, in yaoi you can be a Stone Age cave-dweller and it'd be 'romantic and charming' to me whereas as soon as you make it het, suddenly it's abusive. And yet I can't quite break free of this mindset, and the more yaoi I'm exposed to at the same time as I come across these male-centric fantasies like that strip or people on 4chan, the more split I get on this issue. :/

What I'm really talking about isn't a purely cerebral or ideological shift, though-- it's not like I was all into subby females and big bad muscley guys showing them who's boss before, sexually or otherwise-- it's more that now I have this visceral horror of it, to the point where I'm not really sure where the boundaries between 'normal gender-roles' and 'kink' are anymore, necessarily, since damn if I know what 'normal gender-roles' are supposed to be these days. ^^; My 'kink' is your potential 'normal gender-roles', and that's fucking frightening to me. It seems like even as we've 'advanced' and people take feminism for granted, there's a lot of reactionary stuff among males my age & younger, and girls too, except girls sublimate it into stuff like slash, perhaps. Males don't really sublimate it at all, and it's really like cold water to the face, every time.

There's a lot of (deceptive) comfort with and even identification with maleness, maybe especially after one has written/read yaoi & slash for a really long time. It's easy to think that boys are... 'safe' or they're not that different, etc (especially gay boys, that's pretty easy). And on the one hand I still think boys aren't that different or scary, of course, but on the other hand I feel like a lot of the complacency is a patch job, like a bandaid slapped onto a gaping wound, just because human beings are still (always) dangerous and wild at heart, and I think men haven't grown/changed with the times near as much as we like to think they have. I dunno. :/ It really seems to depend where you hit it, as to what you get.


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