Apr. 13th, 2007

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Since clearly I've got nothing better to do and no better content to amuse myself with, I've uploaded an album I've enjoyed playing in the background of Barnes & Noble last time I was there. Yeah, that's my idea of socializing. ^^;; I've always liked tinkly bell-like music with fey harmonies, it makes me drifty.

Anyway, it's the self-titled album from The Bird and the Bee, here. After enough repeats, it struck me this first song is actually a bit H/D-like. Sad, because H/D is more like an old mental tick than an OTP right now, really. Really this song could be about my relationship with Draco, my life in general and of course Draco and Harry. Letting them be happy would really be a no-no, 'cause who would I torture then? Who, I ask you? :)) This is particularly ironic 'cause earlier today I talked about H/D & fic with two different people and felt nothing, but this song lets me back onto my old groove like sliding on an old pair of sexy pants that make you want to boogie even though you're 40 & have a saggy butt. -.-

Say my name, say my name, say my stupid name
It's stupid how we always seem to do it again, oh

You're so stupid and perfect
And stupid and perfect
I hate you, I want you
I hate you, I hate you, oh
Again, again, again, again


That's my H/D in a really tiny nutshell, ahaha. One of these days I'll grow up & stop obsessing over desperate teenage boy wizards, and that's when I'll... probably stop writing altogether. But anyway. Ahem. I was thinking I was getting way too emo recently & I should fix that, but. It just struck me that I need to get more emo and generally useless & then the fic will start flying from my fingers; the mistake has really been trying to keep balanced and 'normal'. Ah. It's hard to write when nothing's really wrong and it's just blah. But if I wallow a bit, suddenly I want to see Draco suffer and it all works out, haha. I think it's like... being a certain emotional temperature, cooling till you're ready; the perfect fruitcake indeed. Am I depressed enough to write angst yet? No? Not quite? Must work harder. :> I mean, once I hit that ledge of total angst, I'll swing right back with sillyfic & eventually normal drama, but it's angstfic that gets me going like a shot of adrenaline right where it hurts. Everything else actually requires -effort- and we can't have that, can we.

If I listen to it enough, I'll definitely write totally angsty established-relationship post-Hogwarts fic. I almost want to. Some people get inspired by love and stuff, I get inspired by unhealthy obsession and self-destructive tendencies. THEY SAY TO WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW -.-;;;; And yet... songfic. I would be embarrassed if I wasn't so shameless. Never apologize for what gets you going, and what gets me going is definitely neither romantic nor cute yet satisfying sex fics. Actually, anytime I think of writing either anything serious or purely meant for entertainment I sort of feel like there's no reason not to put it off indefinitely. I think I forget that the reason I generally wrote is just 'cause I was too emo not to. Whatever it takes, right.

It's April and I'm actually starting to feel alive just when there aren't any more rain puddles to skip through. Oh well. Right now I'd probably just fall on my face (...still haven't slept & it's 9am... again. *headdesk*) I wanted to write about Kurt Vonnegut being dead, but... but. But. ^^;

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reenka

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